March Madness

By this time, any of you who have read any of this blog know that we Degnan's are sports nuts.  No surprise that March Madness is finally showing up.  But wait, it isn't the March Madness you might expect.  This is what has become my personal March Madness.  

Seems I am detecting a theme, a trend of sorts.  It appears that with the month of March comes my own personal Madness.  We all remember my trip down crazy lane last March.  A trip that sometimes I wish would just be removed from my memory but really, truth be told...I don't ever want to forget it.  It has become largely a trip that has defined me, maybe better said, refined me.  

I just finished reading my entries from March 8 through the 13th.  The fateful day that Lily and Jamie went home leaving me a sobbing mess on that train platform all the way through the day I learned I was going home for a "time out" or a "break in the action."  Albeit, what ended up being a 30 second time out.  . As I read through those dark days I was pulled right back to that pit of homesickness, fear and doubt.  Suffering from anxiety, sleeplessness, and depression.  I was that little mouse running in the tall grass.  I couldn't see my way out, I was lost.  Looking back, wow!  I was growing, learning, stretching more than any other time in my life.  I wasn't giving up, quitting or running home but running my race.  I was pushing through, with a goal in mind.  Last March I was existing in the lower story.  Having no perspective, no concept of what the upper story was.  I missed the fact that the tall grass was protecting me.  I was the mouse in tall grass, it was for my own good.  Today, it would be a stretch for me to say i fully understand the upper story, I don't.  But I do get a lot of it.  I needed to feel, and I do mean "feel" everything I felt in those weeks.  I needed to experience true and utter dependence and I needed to feel empowered to take back what was my appropriate power.  Giving perspective that human will, human power will not really get you to far.  It is when you are completely dependent that you find your inner strength and courage.  Hmmm, profound moment for me.  Guess that is the whole "Christ in me" thing.

This time last year, I would have been sitting in a chair at the Lighthouse Cafe with several of my favorite people.  Crying yet again, so thankful to be home.  So thankful for the warm Colorado sun, the love of my family, the comfort of my own bed, in my own house, eating....breathing deeply and still feeling acutely the reality that this adventure was far from over.  But ever so thankful for a time out.

So, why then should I be surprised that this March brings a new Madness, though a different madness?  Actually, I'm not a bit surprised by it.  Although, I am a bit surprised by the type of madness.  As soon as I got home for good last year, we jumped right into catering season.  We had weddings lined up through December and it became evident very quickly that we were going to have to find our own facility.  While both Jamie and I know what we needed, what we didn't know was how hard it was going to be.  Jamie was working full time at his "paying" job and working just as much at the catering.  I was working part time at the cafe and full time with the catering.  We were trying to integrate a new child into our family, keep the others on track.  We had a lot on our plate, too much already.  We found ourselves in a place where it was time to make a tough decision.  Do we press on and keep working to make Origins Catering all that we knew it could be or do we stop it completely.  It was that do or die moment.  Honestly, it wasn't a hard decision.  We knew from the very beginning that God had set us on the path with Origins so we set off on the next chapter in the Degnan adventure.  Looking for our own facility.

Now, commercial real estate is not an area either of us knew a thing about.  We have bought and sold several homes but commercial property is a whole different beast.  The one thing we knew was we wanted to stay in Berthoud.  This in and of itself complicates things.  Berthoud is not a large city, not even a medium sized town...it is small town America, Mayberry really.  So this limited our options, significantly.  I wanted some place the girls could walk to from school, that had space for us to grow and that would be a good investment.  Since we come and go a lot late at night, we wanted it well lit and safe.  We wanted to buy, not lease.  We looked at warehouse, industrial areas.  That is what Jamie wanted.  We considered purchasing an existing restaurant that was closing.  Finally we looked at a building that was more of a store front type of building.  It had parking, good outside lighting, easy access for deliveries.  It had been suggested to us more than once, in fact, more that a handful of times.  We were always quick to say no.  But after exhausting all the other available options we decided, "well lets take a look."  The building was definitely much larger than we needed, or wanted.  It was divided into 3 sections.  One was already rented out, but the other two were open.  One end had originally been a laundry mat, ironically commercial kitchens and laundry mats share a lot of the basic necessities for water and power and it was built in a way that it already had several things that the health department would require for finish.  The downside, we would have to purchase the entire building so not only would we be embarking on running our own facility, we would be automatic landlords.  Not something we wanted.  So imagine our surprise when we walk in and realize this is "it."  There was not a doubt in either of our minds, this is the place that would be the home of Origins Catering Company.  

When we started this process, our first stop was the bank.  We didn't have a bunch of cash laying around and knew we would have to secure financing before we got to far down the road.  Added benefit of living in Mayberry is that you really do know everyone, including the banker.  His kids go to school with my kids, you know how it works.  Great small town connections.  He spent a lot of time with us, talking through the options.  Explaining SBA vs. conventional lending, the pro's and con's of each.  Give us a stack of information and applications.  Points us in a direction that made sense.  Yet, when I got home and started looking at the pile of documents, the lengthy process and the criteria to "qualify" I quickly became overwhelmed.  All I could think about was the months, literally, that I had spent just the previous year chasing down home deeds, marriage license, criminal back ground checks, pulling financial statements, attending classes, and much more, all to adopt Daria.  I didn't know how I was gonna make it through this.  After that application process, I didn't care if I ever saw another application of any kind.  What compounded those feelings was the fact that this was just one of several applications I was going be faced with in this whole process.  We still had the health department and the local building department to deal with.  

Come to find out, God had a different idea.  An idea I never saw coming.  Who would of thought that private financing was an option.  Who would of thought that not only was it an option, but one that came to us.  We didn't have to seek it out.  So my fretting, stress...all for naught.  What a blessing when you just stumble upon the exit from the tall grass.  

Unfortunately, there is no fighting the grass when it comes to the health department.  For any of you who are curious, the paperwork required to open a commercial kitchen is more in depth than that required to adopt a child.  Scary isn't it.  A 31 page applications that must include your entire menu, how each item will be handled, prepared, cooled and reheated.  Outline your fire suppression and exhaust system.  You must calculate water flow and temperature recovery rates.  List every piece of equipment, its make, model and attach the appropriate spec sheets.  You have to outline a sick employee policy, a heating and cooling log.  You must provide a detailed floor plan showing every drain, and power outlet.  You must tell them what every wall, floor and ceiling surface will be.  Exhausting, overwhelming and not an easy task.  This step alone took us 4 weeks.

Where are we now?  Well, as of Friday, March 15 we are the proud owners of a 3000+ square foot building in downtown Berthoud.  It is located right smack dab between all three schools.  It is on a well lit street and is in very good condition.  We will occupy just over a third of the building with our kitchen and office space.  The current tenant will stay and we hope to rent the remaining space soon.  The renters will actually pay over 3/4th of the mortgage when it is full occupied.  We are still waiting on final approval from the health department so that we can start construction but are hoping to have that by the weeks end.  Then the real Madness begins...construction, jumping through the hoops of the building department and working for our final certificate of occupancy and a license to operate a retail food operation.  Hopefully in time for the start of catering season, June 1.  

As this journey has progressed, I remember driving by that building years ago and saying "that would be a perfect building for us."  Who would'a thunk it.  

So yes, this has been another March filled with Madness.  I have been stressed out, my sleep patterns yet again disrupted.  I am anxious and a bit of a nervous nelly.  I am overwhelmed by all that needs to be done and then by the thought that once it is done, I have to run it.  Now we have bills, not just a mortgage, but utilities, insurance, maintenance.  We have to buy equipment, set up an office.  Yikes!  One thing that is different this year over last.  Last year I couldn't eat, this year...I can't stop eating.  

Oh, yea...don't forget tax season is upon us.  So all the while I am working at a feverish pace to get all of that pulled together.  Of course, our taxes can't be an easy thing.  When you own your own business, that complicates things enough.  Then add in an adoptions, wow what a twist that is.  It has been interesting though.  As I have had to go back through every dime spent, it is another reminder of Gods faithfulness.  On paper, we never should have been able to do what we did last year.  I still can't reconcile the math, it simply doesn't add up.  2 and a half months of disrupted income and we never missed a payment.  

On the family front, all is well.  The girls are healthy and happy (most of the time, they are girls, they are pre-teens and teens).  We seem to be settling in a nice season at home.  Lots of meals together, lots of activities.  Softball, soccer and track are all under way.  The big girls are spending their weekend, the entire thing, at life guard training.  Next week we will celebrate Lily's 11th birthday.  It will not escape my memory the heartache I felt last year being away on her birthday.  Not this year, I will hug her extra and hold her tight.  Can't wait.  

Right now we are preparing for a family tradition...March Madness, no really, the real March Madness. We will all fill out our brackets and some friendly wagering will go on.  One will win, the other will be the losers.  Hoping a Colorado team or two will dance.  

What about next March, yip I am thinking ahead.  Maybe if I plan right I can skip the Madness.  Jamie and I will celebrate our 20th anniversary in June of 2014.  I am thinking March will be a good time to get away and celebrate all God has done in us and through us.  

A final word or two.  First, I hope my roommate of last year is healing up and resting comfortably.  Karen, been thinking a lot about you.  A simple "thank you" just doesn't seem to say enough, yet I can't adequately find the words to express my gratitude.  Another thank you is in order, last year as we were preparing to go to Ukraine, we were given a generous gift.  One that touched us so deeply.  We have a feeling that we know who it was, but not entirely certain.  But know this...we love you and appreciate your kindness, generosity, thank you!  One day, we plan to pay it forward.  Do the same thing for another family who is stepping out, unsure of the journey but confident in the calling.  These two are just two of the many people who helped make it possible for Daria to with us today.  You blessed us, you are blessing many!

Well, off to make dinner...let the madness continue!  

 

Lessons Learned and Fears Put to Rest...Faith

Where to start?  It was one year ago today that we met Daria...March 6, 2012 a day forever etched in my brain.

A few weeks ago, I told you that I was going to take a little trip.  A trip down memory lane, the name?  Adoption journey Ukraine.  A route I never expected, but now I would never trade.  I have been reading through this blog, starting with the first entry in January 2012.  I am trying not to read ahead, I want to relive the feelings, emotions of each and every day.  Take my self back to who I was then and where God has brought me too.  Remarkable, really!

I have a feeling this is gonna be a long one, don't feel obligated to see it through.  This is more for me, but if you can get something out of it, well that is an added bonus.

As I started re-reading each entry, I decided to write down words, feelings that jumped out at me.  I won't venture into the "I was there, but ended here" until it is all said and done...6 weeks from now.  Where I started and where I was mentally by this time last year, shocking!

It all started out rosy.  All talk of adventure and the "funny pages," looking at the humor I saw in my surroundings.  The parking, transportation, communication.  I actually started this process with a sense of humor...shocked how  quickly I lost that.  Four days in and the first sign of disappointment and sadness set in.  Disappointment in the system, sadness in missing my girls.  Yet, I was constantly inspired by Lily, her courage, her maturity, her spirituality.

The cold was a common thread...all the way to the end.  I think back and actually shiver at the thought. I so wish I could put to words the bone chilling cold.  Beyond any description.  I know that being from Colorado, where we have more average days of sunshine than Hawaii, I need my sunlight.  The cold, grey, cloudy weather definitely affects the brain, the mood.  Even if it is sunny, if it is too cold to walk 2 blocks without having every bit of your skin covered...well then I wasn't going out.

Early on, I was taken by the architecture of the buildings.  Some how I managed to just pick out the "pretty" ones.  Around every corner was another building that just oozed history.  But by the time I left, honestly I was hard pressed to find any building beautiful.  Sad really, many buildings are older than anything we Americans could ever comprehend.  But after one is emotionally, physically and spiritually battered, everything is ugly.

Within 4 days, anxiety had set in.  We had made it through our first SDA appointment only to leave without a child selected.  Simple tasks became overwhelming.  I lost the ability to care for myself on the most basic levels, shopping and cooking.  My sleep was affected and the weight loss began.  Yet, I could still manage to find humor in day to day experiences.  The cars driving on the side walk...really?  The characters, dressed up in character trying to get a buck or two for a picture.  The wild dogs, the crazy escalators and the underground city called a mall.  I was struck by the average shoe choice of a Ukrainian woman...heals, high heals...very high heals on very icy, frozen sidewalks.  We had moved a couple of times in the first week, this was enough to send me into a tizzy.  I was nearly paralyzed by what seemed like a daunting task.

The people and places of that first week are forever burned in my heart.  Karen, Tara & Phil, the pastor at ICA, the small group Bible study.  Grilled cheese and home made tomato soup.  Little girls giggles.
We met Jesse, tiny Tara and Jonathan, Kristi and Steve who prayed us back into the game.  And trust me, that is just a few of the many, many wonderful people that without them...I would have run for the hills, of Colorado that is.  I would have bailed on this adoption journey and run for home with my tail between my legs...thanks for pushing me through.  Then add in all the folks back state side, Clay, Selene, Steve, Hollis, Babette, Stacy, Cindi, Christina and Rob, Brenda, Melody, Suzie, Kathy, Clarke & Kris, sweet Monique & Chris and my amazing "big" girls, Emma & Annabelle...wow, thanks guys.  Sweet tears running down my cheeks as I remember the village (can't believe I am using a Clinton saying) that helped us through.

On February 13 we had our second SDA appointment...disappointment.  While we did find a sweet, adorable little girl, we believe to this day that neither the SDA, the orphanage director, inspector or even our facilitator were completely honest and upfront with us.  We were sent to meet a little girl, who unbeknown to us, was waiting for another American family to come for her.  I am pretty sure that it was a play for a bribe on the directors part.  He wanted cash, American currency...that would buy a child in his book.  Through his corruption, many misrepresentations were made.  To him, it was a game.  We spent a week falling for a little girl, who had already fallen for another family.  In the end, God is good...we have been able to confirm that this little girl is now living in a lovely home near Atlanta with the family that she had been waiting for.  Happy ending...for all of us.

Upon our rejection, my first reaction was to book tickets home.  Which I did, but then I talked to the big girls.  Their words, "you can't quit.  Go find our girl and come home"...They were far braver than I!  So, we stay, and stay and stay.  Another week goes by before we even get our 3rd and final look at the dreaded SDA books.  We work every angle to identify a child on our own.  But when presented to the SDA, just road blocks.  You pick from their book or nothing.

By this time, these are some of the words that I wrote about my experience...adventure, overwhelming, funny, nervous, panic, emotional, heart wrenching, anxious, despair, doubt, worry, terrified, failure.  It is interesting in looking back at how quickly the humor left and the anxiety set in.  To be completely honest, the anxiety almost did me in...almost made me quit, almost sent me over the deep end.  Anxiety is a tricky thing, because with anxiety comes all kinds of irrational thoughts and behaviors.  It takes over, is all consuming.  Anxiety leads to more anxiety, fear and even terror.  I was there, I remember even now.  Just typing this causes a catch in my throat.  I know people who deal with anxiety daily, I feel for them...deeply.  But, and please hear this...you don't have to live life gripped by anxiety, really you don't.  It was a battle, every day, every minute, every second...but I refused to give in to it.  I read, I prayed, I cried but I never, ever gave up...don't ever give up.

The whole experience was surreal.  Ground hog day so to speak.  To cold to do anything outside, walking to the store took major effort just in bundling up enough so you didn't freeze in the 5 block walk.  Then the process of unbundling made me give a second thought to even leaving the apartment.  So I lived the same day over and over.  Life simplified, not a bad thing really.

So where are we now?  Well, one year ago today we met.  She said no...but miraculously she changed her mind with literally just moments to spare.  Her no became a yes.  As for my journey there vs. my journey here, well lets just say I am an American girl.  I do want to explore the rest of the journey, because really, after she said yes the bottom fell out.  I fell apart.  I lost a lot of weight, I cried constantly, I was terribly homesick and I was now just down right terrified.  Terrified that I had made a terrible mistake for my family.  That I was causing permanent damage to the three I already had.  I gave into the lies and the next 6 weeks were the most painful of my life.  That part of the story is where the healing takes place, not before I am scrapping the bottom of the barrel though.

For now, let me tell you...WOW, what a difference a year makes.  I only cry every now and then.  Mostly when I think back at where I was in relation to where I am now.  I am in awe, true awe of it all really.  Trust me, it has nothing to do with me.  It is all God.

Here is a little story for you, one I haven't shared before.  Those of you who followed my trip to crazyville know that I made a quick trip home during the process.  It was after she said yes, to wait for our court date that we thought would be several weeks away.  Only ended up being a 4 day trip.  Anyway, I have always considered myself a good traveler.  I LOVE to fly, I would fly in just about anything, hot air balloon, single engine plane, helicopter...you name it.  Didn't give it a second thought. Now, we have all heard about planes making emergency landings for a passenger with a medical emergency.  Well, on my way home for my short little visit I was seated between a sweet girl from Poland who was content to sleep and a VERY large man who insisted on flirting with the flight attendant for the entire 10 hour flight.  I am land locked.  I took a sleeping pill, and this is when you know it is bad...the sleeping bill does nothing.  I am tracking our flight, many, many hours over the Atlantic, Iceland, Canada.  The anxiety is so strong, the stress so great I honestly thought I was going to make the evening news as being "that" passenger who forced a commercial aircraft to an emergency landing in Iceland.  Seriously...the thought crossed my mind that I was having an anxiety attack that was growing so severe that I would force down a commercial flight.  Good news...I pushed through.  Now it is kind of funny, especially since once the plane was on the ground everything went wrong in getting through customs and out to my girls...when I finally burst through the door it was like a flood gate.  Relief!

Looking back, the first month of the journey was the easy part.  It is the last 6 weeks that about put me in a home...a crazy home.  For now, I relish in the amazing goodness of God.  One "NO", from a girl who is now with a forever family.  A second "NO", followed by a "I think I made a mistake" YES.  Now a year later we have this beautiful, crazy smart, not so little anymore girl living in our house. She calls me mom and Jamie, dad.  She even slipped one day and told me she loved me.  She has 3 sisters, one dog, a cat and one crazy, obnoxious family.  We fight, we yell, we laugh. We are family.

In one year, she has thrown a football (she LOVES football) and a softball.  Both of which she had never seen.  Played volleyball with Lily.  She is starting soccer next week.  She will be going into middle school next year being "high proficient" in literacy and advanced in math.  She has jumped right through the ESL classes being on the final stage right now.  Most kiddos, it takes 2 to 3 years..not this one, she is crazy smart.  Fast, she can run like nothing I have ever seen.  Finished 2nd in the 200 meter run last year only because she didn't know the route and took a wrong turn, however she hates the distance runs that her sisters prefer.  She has been to camp, witness her first live major league baseball game, the Superbowl, gone to an American water park and amusement park.  Camped out in the back yard, had sleep overs, fought with her sisters, adapted to Mexican food, traveled to Mexico for a family vacation, gone on hikes in the Rocky Mountains.  Has freedom to ride her bike or scooter, fly a kite or take the dog for a walk.  She eats when she is hungry, sleeps in a cozy bed and refused to go to bed without hugs from the entire family...especially Annabelle.   She is learning about Jesus and loves it.

Me, well...I have returned to normal.  I know, normal?  I have left the anxiety behind.  But is serves as a constant reminder of the faithfulness of God.  I shake my head at the thought of where I was just on year ago.  I am amazed, thankful, and humbled.  It isn't about what we can do, it is about what God can do through us...if we are willing and available.  Trust me, I was nothing God was everything.

Family update.  Emma is doing great.  We have started the college visit circuit.  She ran cross country and her swim team won state for the 4th straight year.  Track season has started.  She has taken her SAT and did great.  Annabelle, my witty one.  She has this Freshman thing under control.  Going to the gym twice a week and loves showing me her "guns."  Lily, well what can I say...Me, mini me and mini mini me.  Full of life, energy and joy...most of the time.  She has many words to share.  Daria, I think I summed up before.  We are blessed.

As for Jamie and I, never a dull moment.  Right now we are in the throws of trying to purchase and build out our own catering facility.  After navigating the whole adoption application process, I didn't care if I ever saw an application for anything that was more than 2 pages long.  This health department stuff makes the adoption one look like childs play.  This is causing its own anxiety and stress.  BUT...thankfully, I now get it.  And while I might get stressed out, anxiety that overpowers, that is all consuming...that is a thing of the past.  Now it is a challenge, something to conquer.  Hope I still feel that way in a couple of weeks, actually a couple months when the payments kick in.

To sum things up...we (I) have come a long way.  This life thing is a long and interesting journey.  I don't know much, but I do know that if you take a short cut, you simply short change your self.  While my journey has been painful, heart wrenching at times, it is who I am and I wouldn't have it any other way.  Lessons learned, fears put to rest...trust God!  Faith, That's it!  Simple really...hind sight.

Super Sunday

Today is an interesting day in the Degnan house.  It is one that has envoked a lot of emotion and deep feelings.  It is another day of big firsts for us as a family...we did something we have never done before (and I hope we never, NEVER do again) we ventured out to the grocery store. Relax, of course we go to the grocery store regularly.  Everyone is well fed, mostly!  But today, Superbowl Sunday of all days we decided it was time we ALL went to the grocery store, TOGETHER, at the same time, on purpose.  This is generally a task done by one parent...guest which one, and sometimes one child comes along.  But today, all 6 Degnan's with all our personality and volume invade just at prime snack shopping time, 12:30pm.  The good news, we all escaped with our lives as did all the other shoppers.  We only spent $50 over our budget, we only saw 3 people we knew and only one child declared that a certain parent needed "medication."  I will leave it to your imagination which child and which parent it might be.  Adventure...maybe, punishment...that is my vote.

But really, the real anniversary is that it was one year ago that Jamie, Lily and I boarded a plane bound for Ukraine.  It is now that I really understand what "hind sight is 20/20" means.  It was on this day that our lives would forever change, or the start of that change.

I remember that day, standing just beyond the ticket counter at Denver International Airport, saying goodbye to Annabelle and Emma for what I thought would be a 6 to 7 week separation.  Never in a million years could I of imagined road laid out before us.

Since returning home on April 13, 2012 some 10 weeks after we left we have celebrated many first.  First day of school, first birthday, first time to camp, first football game, first time playing volleyball or football or any sport really.  First vacation as a family.  The day we got citizenship papers, when we got an American passport.  Getting family photo's taken, twice.  First Christmas.

But guess what, not all firsts are great, moving wonderful moments.  First family fight, first time we have to go to bed without  treat.  First time a sibling said or did something hurtful or mean.  That is the beauty of being family, the good, the bad, the ugly.

In a nutshell, it has one crazy year.  In the end, it is a year I wouldn't trade for anything.  It was unbelievably painful, difficult and heart-wrenching.  Yet, rewarding, invigorating and beautiful.  The personal growth is beyond anything I can truly explain.  The bond that I have witnessed between all the girls is quite amazing.  I watch the "big" girls and am in awe at their compassion and love.  The relationship between"children"(Lily & Daria) though not without struggles has been quite an inspiration.  These two little people, so different...different language, customs, foods have been a true shining example of how to show love and compassion.  Please, don't misunderstand...they drive each other crazy, get on every last nerve and annoy each other at every possible opportunity.  Yet, when the rubber hits the road they have each others backs.  Lily says they are Irish twins, two kids born less that 12 months apart.  And as strange as it might sound, we have seen some twin tendencies.

I can't go into the details of each girl, their struggles, their lives.  I will do anything to preserve and protect them, and their privacy.  I will say, while it has been quite difficult and often frustrating and confusing, the transition has gone much smoother than I ever could have hoped for.  But each of the girls has made profound sacrifices, sacrifices that I never want to minimize.  With that said, each of the them has shown depth of character, strength and wisdom beyond their years and I am proud.

So what lies ahead for me, for us?  Good questions.  With the start of our "anniversary season" I find myself flooded with a wide range of emotions.  Amazing how a simple date in time can trigger so many feelings, so many memories.  Now, I find my self looking at life through the lens of Ukraine.  Its imprint so deeply engraved, carved really right into my soul.  Little triggers, little memories, little experience that can be so HUGE.  Smells, the cold, the fear and uncertainty.  So for the next ten weeks I plan to take a trip, a big trip that in may ways I have been avoiding.  I am going to take a trip down memory lane.  I am going to revisit each and every blog.  I will read it, let it take me back to the reality that was.  I will soak up every emotion, every fear, every bit of anger and frustration.  I might even blog on the blog.  I definitely have more freedom now.  No one editing my posts, advising me to "soften" this or "remove" that.  I can share freely about the experience, the feelings, corruption and game play.  Honestly, I want to experience last year through the lens of hind sight.  Perspective...right?

Now, those of you that truly know us, the Degnan's, know that we LOVE sports.  Especially baseball and football.  We are die-hard Colorado Rockies fans (followed by the Mets) and sometimes live and die by the Broncos (with the Giants coming in just behind).  If you follow sports you know that the Rockies were a complete disappointment this past year.  Yet, Annabelle was unwavering in her devotion. The Broncos were on a slippery slope with us, having dealt Tebow and opting for Manning.  All was great on the Bronco front until the first game of the playoffs when Manning took a knee rather than insuring the win.  Don't overlook the three turnovers, all by Manning, all resulting in points for Baltimore.  Why all the sport talk?  Well, for years we have hosted a Superbowl party.  Last year was the first time in years that that didn't happen.  Not only did we not host a party, we missed the game entirely because we were on our first transatlantic flight en route to Kiev.  Upon arrival in Germany, we searched high and low for a newspaper that might just post the results of that crazy American game.  Honestly, we looked everywhere and could find nothing.  It was torture of sort, especially for Jamie who not only loves the Giants, he strongly dislikes (despises) the Patriots.  In our house it goes like this...Broncos first, Giants second and anyone playing the Patriots third.  Thankfully while waiting to board our last flight, we mentioned our torture and a passenger behind us says..."oh, the Giants won."  Shew, we could complete our travels and actually rest on that last leg.  Little did we know all the drama that lye ahead in Bronco land.  Tebow traded, Manning in house, Elway....no comment.  Kinda glad we missed the circus that ensued.  Funny getting American news through an international lens.

Well, today we reinstated our annual tradition of the Superbowl Party.  We had way to much food, shared with the most amazing group of friends.  The kids were loud, and hyped up on soda.  The teens, camped out in the basement.  At a couple of different times I found myself struck at the beauty of it.  The crazy, loud, chaos of a Degnan party (not unlike our visit to the grocery store).  Overwhelmed by the blessing of friends, most of which played a significant role in our journey.  From inspiring us to "GO", to housing/or babysitting our kids, to restocking our kitchen, to hosting birthday parties in our absence.  Shocking really, that we have so many exceptional people in our lives.  We don't deserve you, but appreciate you beyond words.  Another opportunity for gratitude, another opportunity for tears...but this time, they are different tears.  Not tears of a crazy, homesick, overly emotional, sleep deprived women.   Tears of joy, of gratitude.  Tears of look where I was and look where I am.  Tears of, wow...look what God did.  On so many levels.  I survived, she said yes, I got home in time for prom, my family is amazing, and I didn't "stay" crazy.  Careful, I know what you are thinking....

Now for the "snap-shot" update on all things Degnan, top to bottom (oldest to youngest)
Jamie, good sport.  Only man with 5 women.  Enough said!  Continues to work with Meals On Wheels all while executing some of the most amazing meals for Origins Catering Co.  Weddings, non-profit benefits, corporate functions...poor guy, an average week is over 60 hours.  Some weeks over 80 hours.
Tiffany, working very part time at the Lighthouse Cafe.  Loves seeing her regulars and working with the most amazing group of people in the world at Grace Place.  Can't believe I get to be wife and mom to the most amazing group of crazies....love each of you beyond words.
Emma, a junior at Berthoud High School.  She ran in the state championships for Cross Country.  Will swim in the state championships in high school swimming next week and is already preparing for the track season.  A 4.0 student and already making college visits.
Annabelle, a freshman at Berthoud High.  Jumping right into high school life.  Going to the gym several times a week and can kick butt on pull ups.  Makes her mama look like a fool.  Planning to run cross country next year and continues in her culinary adventures.  We all love it when she cooks for us. She has been working alongside her mama at a local event center concession's to earn money for a trip to Italy this summer.
Daria, in 5th grade.  Made her first visit to the middle school to tour and and explore.  Doing amazing at  school.  Has been tested for gifted/talented in math, still waiting on results.  Completely fluent in English, loves her remote control car and to my demise...Woody Wood Pecker, ugh!  Slept in her own room, all by herself, for the first time EVER in her life.  Has grown over 3 inches in 10 months.  Amazing what good nutrition will do.
Lily, also in 5th grade and so therefore also made the tour.  She too was tested for gifted/talented in literacy, thankfully not math.  No more competition please.   She was accepted!  Part of the STEM club at school for the sciences.  Continues to take piano and sing, even though it drives a certain sister...C.R.A.Z.Y.  She is still the itty bitty one in her class...maybe she will grow before 6th grade starts.  Still full of "many words" and has her favorite...(Rob) word smith.
As a family, we finished our basement this fall.  It didn't take long to figure out that this transition was harder on certain family members than others  So now each girl has their own room.

As for Origins Catering Company, the 2012 wedding season was the best yet.  We were unbelievably busy and blessed with a bunch of great couples and their families.  Honestly, it was kind of an entertaining season.  A few firsts that I won't go into.  It stretched us, tested us and grew us.  So now, we are in the process of purchasing and renovating our very own space.  A building that will house our own kitchen and office.  We will become landlords in the process as the building is larger than we need.  An adventure....like we need another adventure.  Guess God thinks we do.  I did make Jamie promise me that we would not do anything for the next 5 years (at least) that required an in-depth application process.  Between the adoption and the Larimer County Health department, I don't EVER want to see an application longer that 2 pages, ever again.  It's not done, waiting for approval from the health department then we have the building department and the whole lending process.  You all wonder why I need to escape to the beach.....let me send you a copy of the health department application.  I don't think I am a dumb person, but this made me feel stupid, really, really stupid.  Short story, hopefully by June 1 we have a lovely new retail location where you can stop by and have a cup of coffee with me.  Scary....

For now, I say good night.  It has truly been a "Super Sunday."  Glad to be home with my new little (almost as tall as me) Ukrainian daughter.  Glad to have my friends at our house.  Glad to watch the SuperBowl.  Glad to be typing from this side of the Atlantic.  Glad to have perspective.  Glad to be a mom of 4 amazing girls...see, I really am crazy.

Stay tuned over the weeks to come.  Who knows where the path will lead.  I am just along for the ride. I am sure it will be an emotional ride, one I need...again.  When it is all said and done, who knows maybe I will "re-launch" a new name, a new direction.  I don't know that I have anything super deep, or profound to offer but I do know that this is still a wonderful outlet, a place for me to tell a story, share an experience, express my heart.  It is up to God what He wants to do with it.  I did learn from a wise man..."write it down and let it go."  So, I write it down...What ever you want Lord...What ever you want, I love to write, what ever you want.

Next post...Funny Pages, revisited!

In No Particular Order

Well now, 3 months is a long time.  That is how long it has been since I took the time to write.  Every time I say "well" it makes me giggle.  My grandma, age 93 has always used "well" but seldom in a good sort of way.  It was usually in that good southern way that led into some sort of judgement.  But it still makes me smile.  Honestly, she is a lovely lady who has experienced more in her life than I can possibly imagine.  She is a good southern women, often all about perception.  But a good mom, grandma, great-grandma and now a great-great-grandma.  I hope I am doing as good as her at that age.  She just sold her car a little over a year ago.  In fact, she drove to Colorado (from Oklahoma) just 5 years ago.  Straight through.....wow!

Anyway, I know you don't really care about my grandma.  You just want to know what is happening in the Degnan house.  How is Daria?  Lily?  Annabelle?  Emma?  And the crazy parents of the 4 amazing girls.....

Well......some 7 months ago I remember Jamie saying, "you need to get a grip, this is the easy part."  Mind you this was in Ukraine, while I was fully engulfed in what I have affectionately termed my "crazy days."  In his defense, he was trying in his guy way, to encourage me.  What I heard was, it is only going to be harder once we get home.  This in no way comforted me, really, not at all.  In fact, it had the opposite effect.  I remember telling him through my tears, "stop, don't say that ever again."  I couldn't imagine anything being any worse than what I was experiencing at that moment.  And in case you forgot, I felt every single moment of the 10 weeks spent in Ukraine.  For once, I must say that "he was wrong."  That was, at least so far, the hard part.

Yip, you got it right.  That was the hard part.  I must use the disclaimer...so far!   We have a long way to go, but really...things are going pretty darn good.  I won't make you wait till the end to find out all about Daria.  I will give it to you straight up front.  She is doing great.

In fact, to use her own words...awesome.  Everyday when I pick the "children" (I will explain it later) up from school, I ask "how was your day?"  And everyday, Daria's answer is "awesome."  Literally, everyday!  Drives Annabelle crazy...you ask her how her day was..."ok."  Daria is quick to ask, "why just ok."  "Why not awesome?"  Actually Daria comes running to us everyday, usually concluding with a nicely executed dive roll right at my feet.  Which explains why she should not wear white....grass stains.

Now, it is not without struggles, frustration and annoyances.  First with her and Lily...here are two little girls sharing everything, time, space, friends.  I have to be honest, it has been hardest on Lily.  This has rocked her world.  She had visions of a little sister who would need her.  What she got was an older sister who is confident, independent and outgoing and definitely does NOT need her.  The girls are still sharing a room.  This is good and bad, I think mostly good for bonding.  But....we are getting ready to finish our basement so that all the girls can have their own rooms.  The one thing we have noticed is that Daria doesn't know what to do with personal time or space.  And Lily really needs some of each.  Honestly, both girls have inspired me so much.  What each of them has been thrown into is not easy, not in the slightest.  Lily is our most tenderhearted one, yet when pushed can be down right mean.  Daria, just trying to figure out where she fits.  All in all, they are both doing "awesome."  It isn't easy, but they are both growing in so many ways.

Speaking of growing...Daria has grown almost 2 inches since she got here.  Watch out Annabelle....I look back at her little passport photo taken back in April in Nikopol.  She was a "little" girl, now...not so much.  She has filled out, grown up (literally).  Her coloring has changed, still big brown eyes and brown hair but the skin color is where you see it.  Her hair is growing like crazy, 2 hair cuts down and another due.  Maybe this is due to how the girl can eat, and I mean eat.  Well, wait actually she eats great as long as it has absolutely NO heat, that means no pepper, table pepper.  Funny really, a few weeks ago I made Chicken Tortilla soup.  I deliberately made it less hot with her in mind.  However, 1 hour and 20 minutes later (the other girls had finished after 10 minutes) as she sat with her soup still sitting right in front of her, I began to wonder.  The debate went something like this...Daria, "can I eat just this much (as she tried to separate her soup), me, "no, sorry.  You don't have to eat any of it, BUT if you don't there will be no treat later."  Daria, "what if I eat this much (still trying to separate her soup).  Me, "no, sorry kiddo.  You either have to eat it all or no treat later."  This goes on for quite some time until I finally say, "Daria, you don't have to eat it.  But remember, if you don't no treat later."  At this point she had no more than a couple of bites left.  (oh, keep in mind she had lots of corn bread, milk & water.)  She gets up, says "ok" and heads to the trash.  Then I say, "really, look at how little you have left.  You have worked so hard to eat it and you are just gonna quit."  With a sharp shoulder shrug, she returns to the table and two bites later she is done....mission accomplished.

Things discovered...yesterday she discovered ranch dip, not dressing.  She eats her salad dry.  But dip, she loves potato chips and add the ranch and she, her words, loves it.  I am surprised it has taken 6 months to discover that one.  Reading, about 2 weeks ago we established 30 minutes of "personal" time. We are making (mean aren't we) each of the "children" spend 30 minutes on their own with out electronics or interaction with humans.  That means reading....about a week in something clicked and Daria discovered that she liked to read.  It has been interesting to watch her, she doesn't love or even like, time on her own.  She constantly seeks out attention and interaction with the sisters.  But sometimes the sisters need some time alone.  Hence, the rule of personal time.  Seems the "Diary of a Whimpy Kid" is her current favorite.  A little humor goes a long way.

Academically, well that is an interesting one.  We had parent/teach conferences last week and couldn't be more proud of her.  She is doing "awesome" in school.  She is right at grade level.  Her grasp of the English language is amazing.  She is fully and completely fluent.  Which probably explains her enjoyment for reading.

Socially, again amazing.  She has lots of friends.  She and Lily love, and I mean love, playing football at recess and lunch.  In fact, Daria is basically obsessed with football.  We often go to Berthoud High football games.  While Lily is there solely for social reasons, Daria is standing as close to the field as she can get.  Walking the sidelines right along with play...she is Degnan!  She is watching and learning with every step.  When we turn on a football game, she always asks "which team are we going for?"  For Halloween she is going to be a Denver Bronco football player.

Emotionally, again...freaky good.  She has started to defend herself.  If an injustice has been done, she clearly expresses her case and is usually right on the money.  We don't see much emotion but she has a clear sense of what is right and wrong.

So what is she calling us....drum roll please.  Yes, it is mom and dad.  Regularly and consistently.  She still seems to be more attached to "dad" than "mom".  No worries for me, she is definitely one of the girls.  It is all about the girls, right?

Now to the rest of them.  To start, Lily.  I have said a bit about her already.  As I mentioned, this is hardest on her.  But in true Lily fashion, she is rising to the challenge.  A few weeks ago, Daria got hurt (playing football) at school.  While Daria sucked it up, Lily cried on her behalf.  She is busy with music lessons and just finished an undefeated volleyball season.  She and Daria played on the same team, a first for both of them.  That was fun and funny...Daria thought is was soccer and gave the ball a good "header." She has grown a good inch herself.  I just bought her jeans and they are ankle high now.  My itty bitty might just grow.  She is still a cute little thing though.

Annabelle, now a high school freshman.  Can't believe it really.  She is doing great, loving high school and her friends.  She went to Homecoming, and was absolutely lovely.  Still trying to convince her that she should join the debate club.  Really, she has a gift.  It is often frustrating to me, but really a gift....She has had a bit of a rough go this year, finding out that she and gluten are NOT friends.  Being a foodie, the idea of drastically altering her diet is not something she is embracing.  She is a constant source of humor in our house.

Emma, a junior is busy with cross country and school.  She and her teammates just qualified for state (3rd straight year) and will compete next Saturday.  She has been working through a difficult year, plagued by injury.  She has endured 2 intense deep tissue treatments and dry needling.  She is tougher than me.  Her dedication, focus and toughness inspire me.

For the mom and dad...well, we are blessed.  This has not been an easy stretch for our girls.  We just completed our busiest catering season to date.  We did 21 events from July 1 to September 30, that is 21 events in 14 weeks.  Our total events since May...36.  That is on top of Jamie maintaining a 40 hour a week job and me working part-time.  All be it, very part time.  What this means for the girls, is on average 2 nights a week that we (neither of us) are not at home.  Emma has been working for us all year which leave Annabelle as the designated care giver of the "children."  That is where the term came from, Annabelle has dubbed them the "children."  The actually don't like to be called that unless it is by Annabelle.  The is the go to cooker, cleaner and fight breaker-uper.  She has been amazing, and this is no easy task.  And while the crazy part of the year is over, it is only a lull.  We have another 3 events in November.  3 (so far) in December and 2 in January.  Those numbers will increase.  Don't misunderstand me.  Growth is a good thing for the business, it is not without sacrifice and difficulty with the family.  Our hope, that next year we actually grow enough that Jamie could cut back his work load and we could maybe hire some really help.  Honestly, God has been good, gracious and merciful.

Jamie accomplished a long held goal.  He summited Longs Peak, one of Colorado's most challenging 14'rs.  I am so proud of him, this is no easy feat.  He did it in style, part of a group on a fundraising climb.  He also played some summer softball, a good outlet for him.  Not proud to say that I didn't see a single game.  Bad wife!

For me, I got my annual girls concert in.  Seeing Tim McGraw and Kenny Chesney at Mile High Stadium with my concert buddies.  A beautiful summer night, fun, fun time.  Maybe next year I should consider climbing a mountain.  Not to sell my self short, I did complete a 5k with Emma.  The Diva Dash, it was fun, hot but fun.  Most importantly, I finished.  It might not have been pretty, but I finished

But, and that is a BIG BUT...the last month of the season was very physically and emotionally taxing on us.  We had several weeks that had 3 straight weddings and let me tell you, if you haven't ever done what we do...that is a lot.  We personally work every event, start to finish.  Someday I should wear a pedometer and track my steps.  It is very physically demanding, long days that run from noon to past mid-night.  Lots of lifting, caring, walking and then add in trying to keep your bride, her mom and all the other guest happy, whew...I am tired just remembering.  Please, don't get me wrong.  It is a great job, we get paid to participate in the greatest day of a couples life.  I consider it a privilege.  I get to pray for them, and they often have no idea.  But when the season is over, wow, what a relief.  This is why we always plan a vacation for the fall.  It is well earned and beyond needed.

Which leads me to my next subject...vacation.  Many of you know how I love the beach, particularly the beach in Mexico.  I know, some say it is a bad idea.  Me, I say I will not live in fear of some nut-case drug dealers.  We take every precaution.  We don't put ourselves in unnecessarily dangerous situations and we use wisdom.  That is why we pick the Riviera Maya region of Mexico.  Just south of Cancun.  We go with an all-inclusive resort, therefore no reason to venture far.  So this years vacation, Puerto Morelos.  About a 20 minute cab ride south of the Cancun airport.  We are taking all the girls, our first family vacation.  Our reward for a winter of utter frozen craziness and a summer of total wedding chaos.  We scored 10 days a price less than what 7 would normally be, thanks to some creative holiday travel and a resort promo.  Before we booked, I asked Jamie if we could get one day for every week spent in Ukraine.  I was kidding (kind of), who would of thought it would actually work out.  We have never vacationed for more than 7 days, but starting November 16 we will experience what a 10 day vacation feels like.  All of this funded by the generosity of clients through their gratuities this summer...example of God's goodness and graciousness.  Not one penny is out of our  pocket, and we are talking a family of 6 here.

There are so many ways I could talk about Gods faithfulness and goodness.  The transition home, the relational mercies, the growth of the business, the health we continue to walk in, the financial provision.  All very really, none escaping notice.  Recently I had to do a current "financial" for the court.  Documenting our out of pocket expenses for the adoption.  I won't go into specifics, lets just say that it was beyond what even I had expected.  All the travel, food, lodging, medical, translators, social workers, training (how to be a good parent), document accumulation (birth certificates, marriage license, house deeds), criminal back ground checks, department of homeland security clearance,then add in the lost income and it is a big number, really, really big number.  BUT...not one house payment was late, not on utility bill missed.  And let me tell you, it isn't like we had a bunch of cash just laying around, we had no cash laying around.  God called, said GO, and He provided.  Looking back, all I can say is wow!  He really does equip the called rather than calling the equipped...in more ways than one.

So beyond all of that...this is our summer.  Lots of work, add in Water World, Rockies baseball, many, many trips to the pool.  Homecoming for the big girls, Daria turned 11 and Emma turned 17.  We played volleyball and football.  Went hiking, biking, scootering and walking.  We have had sleepovers, playdates, shopping trips and dining out experiences.  The mom and dad have been lucky enough to see two Bronco games live and in person.  One of my most favorite things of all time.  Several hometown football games, parades and family gathering.  Get to gathers with cousins, aunts and uncles, sleepovers at grandma & papa's house.  Ice cream with friend made while in Ukraine.  Church celebrations and summer camps.  Wow, we have been busy.  Busy and blessed.

On a personal note...reflection continues to be a constant in my life.  My time in Ukraine is still ever present and influences my day to day life.  I and looking forward to reading my blog, I have decided to start in February and walk through it, day to day, one year later.  A great opportunity to look back, embrace the today and gaze out at what the tomorrows might bring.

I continue to be ever thankful of where I have been and where God has brought me.  The character, the strength, the courage and the perseverance all wrapped up into one little package.  All yet to fully be unwrapped.  God is good....all the time.

Friday the 13th...Again!

So, what is all the hype about Friday the 13th.  So what if a few horror movies carry the name.  For me, this year, Friday the 13th is just another reminder of God's grace and mercy.  Personally, I love Friday the 13th.  It will forever go down in my personal history as one of the greatest days of all time.  Yes, you heard it, all time.  Why you might ask, good question but for now I will leave you hanging with a Degnan family "status update."

Shall we go from the top down, age I mean, not rank!  Jamie has been working like a mad man.  40 hours a week at his "paying gig" and depending on the week a good 20 to 30 at the "oh, please let us make some money on this party" job.  He hasn't had more than a day of in any given week since early May.  And sadly, most weeks have equalled about a half a day off.  He did manage to squeeze in a good long hike a week or so ago.  All the while he is still playing softball and hasn't missed but one of Lily's softball games.

For me, well I am busy all the time.  Just don't ask me doing what.  I know there is a lot of laundry, a lot of dishes.  I think my back side is going flat with all the time spent at my desk.  Then we have softball, the gym and the grocery store to keep our banana supply up.  I am loving being back at the cafe, albeit on a very part-time basis.  My little self-help thing of recent is getting back to the gym.  Even subjecting myself to the torture of a personal trainer.  Torture and humiliation really.  Annabelle and I are doing it together, oh to be young again.  She kicks my butt at everything except flexibility and balance...gotta give the old lady something.  I also started running, I said I was gonna after all the walking of the Ukraine.  Should of started sooner though, now I am starting from ground zero.  I entered the Diva Dash in Boulder in a couple of weeks.  Emma and I are doing it together.  Well at least we will start together.  I plan to drive, that way I am guaranteed that she will wait for me at the finish.

Emma, Oh goodness Emma.  She is ever steady and a great big sister.  She is the queen of getting Daria all kinds of riled up just before bed then leaving me to deal with the fall out.  But, I must give credit where credit is due, she has really embraced this whole process.  Cross country training is in full swing with 3 formal practices a week, she is also going to the gym and doing lots of independent runs like her 4 miles last night at 9pm.  She makes me tired.

Then we have little miss Annabelle...oh, Annie!  She makes me laugh out loud and completely crazy all at the same time...someone please explain how that is possible.  Regularly locked in her room with her nose buried in a book.  If her nose isn't buried, than her ears are securely covered with headphones, connected to the iPod, playing a movie or sometimes even music.  Convenient when her mother is yelling her name.  Our go-to cook or babysitter, or if we are feeling the need to have a great debate.  It reminds me of arguing with my dad, no matter how wrong he was, he always seemed right.  That is her, she is always right.  She is a quick whit, that one.  She loves her some baseball, Rockies baseball.  She went to the game tonight with her dad and a couple of the girls, she was the only one who knew the final score...even her dad didn't know, Mr. Baseball himself.

Now we shall go out of order a bit.  Lily the youngest, to her dismay she is still in fact the youngest.  Tomorrow she will play in her first ever softball tournament.  A single elimination tourney.  Game one is at 8am.  Tonight they played a playoff game to determine the league champion.  Unfortunately, they lost.  A sloppy game and a disappointing game, especially in witnessing the bad behavior of the opponents coach.  These same girls played together last year, I think they only won maybe 2 games.  They have come a long way and it has been a blast to watch.  We finally had her very belated birthday, only 3 months late.  She told me today that she couldn't wait for school to start.  Only 43 more days to go.

Now Daria, I know that is all you have been waiting for.  She is doing great...a funny process really.  So this past Sunday, Jamie, Lily, Daria and I were eating dinner.  We have been working on table manners..."Mom, can you pass the...." well, as it works out Daria wanted the butter.  She stood up and stretched out her arm, right over my dinner plate in and attempt to snatch the butter.  I slowly placed my hand on the butter and looked her square in the eye and said, "Mom, can I have the butter please."  She grinned, giggled a bit and then turned to Lily and said, "Lily will you pass the butter please."  You can imagine the shock and awe on my face.  Truth be told, I was a bit ticked off.  It would have been one thing if she just turned to Lily and asked for the butter, but to use her name in the same context pushed me a bit over the edge.  I took a deep breath and my only reaction was to say, "that was rude."  At that point, a bit of a line had been drawn in the sand.  Three months has passed and still no acknowledgment of me being mom, or anyone for that matter.  So after dinner this leads Jamie and I to having a heart to heart about it "being time."  Being the mature, direct adults that we are we send miss Lily outside so that we can have a few moments with Daria.  We explain to her that we are family, she agrees with a "for now" response.  We talk about how we know that she refers to us as mom and dad when talking to the sisters.  We discuss how it shows respect and courtesy to refer to someone by an endearing name.  She refers to everyone, yes everyone else by something, name, Mr. or Mrs...everyone but us.  Her mom and dad.  Well, yes I drew the line in the sand.  The time has come and my will is greater than yours.  Our instruction....tomorrow if you need something you must ask, "mom (or another endearing name of your choice) may I have...." and if not, well no computer.  Her responses, I can do that.  Just in case you aren't tracking, that was "I can go with out computer" not I can call you mom.

So morning dawns, she works her way through breakfast without the need to "ask" for anything.  Same for lunch.  Then Lily asked, "mom, can I have a popsicle?"  We had made home-made popsicles the day before.  I say, "sure, help yourself."  Daria sits there.  Lily says, "Daria, you can have a popsicle."  Daria, "no, I have to ask."  Around rolls dinner.  I fill her plate, pasta, sauce, salad & bread.  This time, she doesn't ask or even suggest butter, much less dressing for her salad.  She ate it dry.  Then Emma and her boyfriend, Tommy walk in.  They have soda.  Soda is a treat in the Degnan house, and a treat that Daria loves.  She see's it, listens as both Annabelle and Lily ask, "Mom, can I have some soda."  All she says, "oh, I want pop."  Still she refuses to ask.

Dinner comes and goes and I decide that that night would be a good night to make home-made brownies.  As soon as the batter is done, here comes Annabelle and Lily again.  "Mom, can I have some batter?"  Sure I say...hush with the salmonella, I have been eating batter of all varieties for years and have yet to end up sick......so then follows Daria, "oh, I want some."  My response, "all you have to do is ask."  "But how," she says.  "Mom, can I have some batter."  Low and behold, out it popped..."Mom, can I have some batter?"  Holy Cow...my reflex to control.  I jump and scream "yes, see it didn't even hurt."  She jumped back and proclaimed, "you scared me."  I calm myself and go about giving her what she asked for and finishing off the baking process.  Once the brownies were done, it was the same story all over again.  Annabelle and Lily ask, "Mom, can I have a brownie?"  Daria comes over, "oh, I want one."  Me again, "all you have to do is ask."  And once again, "Mom can I have a brownie?"  This time there was no screaming, just giving her the brownie and celebrating on the inside.

The very next day I was working at my desk, she comes in the office and all on her own asks, "Mom can I have an apple?"  YES!  My will is stronger than yours and yes, it took 3 months but, by george we got it....Mom.  She even referred to Jamie as Dad, completely unsolicited.

Tonight she got to go to her first ever Major League Baseball game.  She has been waiting patiently.  From the sounds of it, it was a huge success.  The Rockies won, she got another American hamburger (her favorite) and Jamie even gave her Coke.  I told Jamie he could stay up all night with her since it has been proven that Coke keeps her awake.  They even handed out purple town tonight so she came home with a souvenir.

My little endearing story of the week...this morning I get up.  As soon as I leave my room I hear, "yes, Daria, even if your house burns down, Jesus still loves you and is protecting you."  This is Lily talking to Daria about how God loves us even in the bad things of life.  Made my heart smile.

So you are still wondering why Friday the 13th is the greatest day ever for me.  Well, back in April on Friday the 13th, I landed in Denver with our newest daughter.  We were greeted by the greatest family and friends ever.  I got to hug my girls, cry true tears of joy and sink into sweet sleep in my own bed after 10 weeks of Ukrainian living.  Knowing that I was home to stay, no going back this time.  Home it was, with my husband, my girls.  Sheer bliss, joy beyond measure and thankfulness to my God who showed himself true and just, day after day, week after week and month after month.  So today (yesterday now) is Friday, July 13th.  We have been home for 3 months.  All it does is make me reflect on the goodness, the grace and the mercy of my God.  I am reminded of how thankful I am, for so, so many things.  How unworthy I am and how humbled I am.  He chose me, little, weak, chicken me...and with His help, through His mercy I have come out the other side, stronger, braver, and a little more broken than before and immensely more grateful.  Friday the 13th...you are my favorite day!

Opposite Extremes

So it has happened...I have now been home longer than I was away, by three days!  Crazy really, so, so much has happened in the past 10 weeks.  In some ways it seems like I have been home for months, in others, I just arrived.  Two worlds, Colorado and Ukraine...separated by 5,646.73 miles.  There are the obvious differences, language, socio-economics, culture, history.  Then there are the "felt" differences.  I can't imagine that there is ever a time of year in Ukraine where you could actually where shorts much less leave your apartment without a jacket.  Really, a hoodie, coat, scarf, gloves, hat and snow boots.  I know they have a real summer, from what I understand the guys break out the "white" shoes.  The men aren't real shorts wearers.  That is how you can pick an American out for sure.  According to the forecast, the hottest day of the week will be on Sunday with a whopping 79 degrees.  They have something in their forecast that we are becoming very unfamiliar with...rain.  But this is what I remember.  An average high of about 27 degrees.

This picture was taken by a friend of mine who was literally
been on the front line for 14 days straight.  These guys are
working 14 on, 12 hours a day with 2 off.

My Reality today...well we are in day number 16 of the High Park fire.  A fire that started outside of Ft. Collins, Colorado and has consumed over 83,000 acres and destroyed 248 homes.  The most in state history and the second largest fire ever in Colorado.  That is only one of 12 fires burning in Colorado today.  This past weekend both my mom and brother-in-law were either evacuated or put on voluntary evacuation.  One in Estes Park, my home town where 22 homes burned to the ground the other in Colorado Springs where an entire community was evacuated as the fire raced its way.  Today we matched the all-time record high for Denver at 105 degrees.  I don't know the exacts, but I think we have had 4 days of 100 or greater in a row with a couple more to come.  

In addition to, the state being on fire.  Here in Johnstown we have lost power 3 times in the past 7 days. They say because of the extreme heat and the demand on power in an attempt to stay cool.  The frustrating part is that it appears that it is limited to about 15 to 20 houses on our street and the one directly behind us.  Frustrating to say the least.  While it certainly isn't good sleeping weather, the real bummer is the food situation.  The bad news, the coolest day of the week is supposed to be Friday at 95 degrees.  If we are lucky it will get down to the high 80's by next Tuesday.  You know it is bad when going to the water park seems like a bad idea because it is to hot...yip, that is where we are at.  

For me the two extremes are so glaringly obvious.  The cold to the bone cold of Ukraine vs. the so hot you don't dare go outside if the sun is till in the sky.  I know, I know, there are many of you out there that live in climates that make Colorado balmy.  We don't have humidity, the firefighters would love some about now.  It does cool down at night, we are at 79 degrees at 11:30pm.  We might get to 68 before sunrise.  But we have had this wicked hot wind blowing.  Feels like it is just sucking every drop of moisture out of your body.  Few, if any clouds...even though last night it rained hard for about 4 minutes.  4 more minutes of rain than we have had in weeks.  So which do I choose...that is tough.  I hate not sleeping.  But I guess I have to choose the heat.  Honestly, if I were comparing the cold of Colorado vs. the heat of Colorado, can't say I would choose the same.  But I remember thinking I may never warm up in Ukraine.  Taking the hottest shower possible just to get the body temperature back up.  Here I put on a cuter summer dress and have a cold beverage and life is good.  Fashion, it wins way to often.

So how are the girls you ask.  Well, I must say...they are fabulous.  Both Lily and Daria have come and gone to camp.  Both had a great time with completely different experiences.  Lily is a bit of a pampered camp, they have showers although they are not heated.  Daria, if she wanted a bath it was the river.  Lily had a bunk with a mattress in a cabin with about 11 other girls.  Daria, a tent, a sleeping bag and a cot.  But it was great for both.  Lily got to hang out at her favorite camp ever.  Daria got to experience the Colorado rockies at their full glory.  A true back country experience.  Lily went zip-lining and mountain climbing.  Daria shot rifles, pistols and a bow an arrow.  Next year they will go to camp together but I also think, if it is offered Daria will attend the Wilderness camp again.  It was all Ukrainian adopted kiddo's.  She was the youngest and apparently the fastest.  She managed to "capture the flag" and lead her team to victory.  She had the war wounds to prove it.

In order for her to go to camp, we didn't get to spend Father's Day together.  She headed to camp that day, so we took the other girls and headed to north east Colorado to the Tiny town of Grover, Colorado.  Population 293.  Each year they host the Earl Anderson Memorial Rodeo.  My dad, a cowboy, real cowboy through and through asked us to come out.  It was hot, it was windy and it was dusty.  I was blowing Grover dust out of my nose for 3 days.  But it was worth it.  Don't remember the last time we spent Fathers Day with my dad.  The best part of the day was the wild horse race at the very end of the day.  Everyone should experience a wild horse race once in their life.  

On the Father's Day note, Daria wrote a sweet card to Jamie that included a "love you" at the end.  That made me smile.  

Daria and Lily can't seem to get enough of the pool.  Can't say as I blame them.  Emma and Jamie have been good sports in taking them almost daily.  However yesterday I had to impose the "don't ask again or you won't go today or tomorrow" rule.  We are still working through the repetitive nature, ask, ask again, ask yet again...and again.  

Last night when the power went out, it was about 8pm.  The teenagers, including Emma's boyfriend Tommy were watching a movie.  We were all a bit frustrated that it had happened again, but they were amazing.  They all started playing life with headlamps on their heads.  They included the little girls as well.  But before long they were looking for the portable DVD player...the plan?  Watch movies in the car.  Which they did, minus the little girls.  They sat on the front porch with me, did some chalk drawing in the garage and called it a night.  Made me smile seeing the others in the van with their pillows and blankets...who needed a blanket in 100 degree weather.  Hint, hint....starts with an "A".

Tonight, we lost power again.  This time only or an hour or so.  Long enough to force us out for dinner.  I went to meet some friends in town, the big girls headed to the mall and Jamie took the little ones and headed to Subway.  I think I got the long straw on the night.  Great to hang out with old friend, old as in I have know them a long time, not old as in, well...old.  

When I got home the girls were huddled up on the couch watching The Lion King.  First time I have seen it, Daria cried when the dad died.  Real tears, very sweet.  

Well, last night I got about 4 hours of sleep.  It is already mid-night and I am working tomorrow.  Best get to bed.  As I go to sleep tonight I will be going back in time, some 20 weeks ago.  The cold, the uncertainty, the confusion and I will be thanking God for where I am today, the opposite extreme.  

Soothe My Soul

Ok Susie...this is for you!

For the past three years Lily has been blessed to be able to attend Camp Timberline.  I am not biased or anything, but it is simply the BEST Christian based sport & mountain adventure camp ever.  We didn't think she was going to be able to go this year.  I tried to sign her up while I was in Ukraine, to my surprise the were already full.  Our only hope was to put her on the waiting list.  On May 29 I got an email notifying me that she was still on the wait list for session one that would start on June 7.  But again to my surprise, on on June 1st there was a packet waiting in the mail stating that "they would see Lily on June 7."  She was thrilled, I was thrilled.

Today I made the drive to pick her up.  The drive in and of its self is an amazing thing for me.  I don't think I could ever tire of the drive up "the canyon."  From our house it is about an hour and 15 minutes or so.  It starts out as a highway drive but quickly transitions into a mountain drive...my favorite kind of drive.  I love the twists and curves.  I love showing all those flat-landers how it's done.  It is a game, a challenge really.  Too bad I have to drive a Honda Odyssey mini van.  Not bad when that mini van shows that Mercedes how it's done.  Sad to say that I had to follow a Lotus down...couldn't help but think about how much fun it would be to drive a machine like that up the canyon, down might be somewhat of a let-down

Those of you who are familiar with the drive from Lyons to Estes Park know that it is an elevation gain of over 2,000 feet in just about 20 miles.  It is curvy, and for those of us who grew up driving these roads...it is fun.  My favorite view of possibly all time is when I crest the hill at Pole Hill.  The mountains, nowhere are they more spectacular.  As I make my way down to the lake I decide that today it might be fun to "cut the corner."  That is, take Fish Creek Road rather than go up and take Highway 7...the usual and typically preferred route.  I went past Whispering Pines Drive, past Carriage Hills, past that grueling "hill workout" from days gone by and track practice.  The golf coarse...so many crazy memories surround that road.  Most are sweet, some I am just glad to have lived to talk about them.   It was a great, yet brief trip down memory lane.  Glad I took it.  Many faces flashed before my eyes, many dates in time as well.

Anyway, back to picking Lily up.  Something about walking through the woods just soothes my soul.  In the midst of chaos, I find peace.  So thankful that Lily got to spend 6 nights living in the shadow of Longs Peak.  Someday we must climb it...she must climb it.  Me, maybe I am cresting that place of being to old, too many body aches and pains, or just a big chicken.  But maybe....

After getting Lily we started the trip back home.  We headed down Highway 7 back towards Estes Park.  Many of you know about the High Park fire.  Now at over 46,000 acres, that is bigger than Washington D.C..  More than 1,200 personal fighting the fire.  I was so relieved to be out of the smoke area at camp.  No watering eyes, no head ache.  The smoke has been thick at our house and we are some 60 miles away from the fire.  Word has it that this fire has been reported on as far away as Europe.  Anyway, we got an interesting view of the fire from Highway 7.  Seems like no matter where we go, there it is.  This thing is massive, destructive and apparently a beast to fight.  After 4 days, still only 10% contained.  That means 90% out of control.  On our journey home, for the first time the orange flame were visible.  Ugly black billowing smoke with an orange under belly.  Pray for the fire fighters, this is a dangerous fire and the work they do is often thankless.  It is dirty, it is hot and it is physically taxing beyond what most of us could even imagine.



As for camp, Lily had a great time.  The only thing I ever ask of her is to do something that scares her every single day.  They have zip lines, high ropes courses, giant cable swings called the "gut chuck,"  they go on very long hikes...8 miles with a group of 10 year olds. Just the thought is scary to me.  They get launched from the "blob" in to an icy cold lake.  Take the ultimate slip and slide ride down a hill side into that same lake.  They play crazy games, explore Gods creation and learn about their chosen sport.  For Lily, that is tennis.  She was exhausted and energized all at the same time.

At the end of the week they give each kid what they call a "cq" or character quality award.  This year Lily got Leader and Encourager.  She had a great time bonding with her cabin mates and her counselors.  Funny thing, one counselors family adopted a boy from Russia a year ago.  There home date was April 13 of 2011 ours was April 13, 2012.  Another counselor went to Ukraine last summer on a mission trip...God has such a lovely way of bringing these little things together.

What I realize, after having our family so segmented this past winter...I hate it when we aren't all together.  Lily is so vibrant, so full of energy and life that the house was so oddly quiet while she was gone.  I didn't like it.  I like having my girls near me, even if they fight and bicker.

Next year, Daria and Lily will attend session one together.  Can't wait.

Daria will leave on Sunday afternoon for a wilderness camp specially designed for Ukrainian kids.  She isn't entirely thrilled about it, not sure what to expect.  And since I have never been, I don't have much help to offer her.  I do think it will be good for her, I also think she will enjoy it.

Life in the Degnan life just keeps on keepin on.  Emma is hobbling around in a big ugly black boot, stress fracture in her foot.  Annabelle has her nose buried in books a good portion of the time.  She did pull herself away long enough to head to the pool with some friends today.  Lily, well you already know what she has been up to.  Just add softball on to it, a season of only one loss.  Daria is glad to have Lily home, her play buddy is back.  The big girls are glad too.  They have been good sports but are about worn out of playing wii, ping pong, going for walks and to the pool.  Yesterday I asked Daria to come up with a name to call me.  Dangerous territory right?  Not really, she still has nothing to call me.  Not mom, not Tiffany, not "hey you with the blonde hair."

Beyond that, not much happening.  I am including some pictures of our summer to date.  A few road races, a few weddings and some general Degnan family fun.

Berthoud Habitat for Humanity 5k.  Lily finished 2nd in her division.  Emma won hers and finished as second overall female.  Daria was the 1st place female in the kids 1k.  Not bad for the Degnan's!

For me, a couple of observations.  After picking Lily up today, it was kind of a mad dash.  Had to be at her softball game by 5:30 and didn't leave Estes until 3:30.  But there was something about walking through the woods.  The smells, the huge pine trees surrounding me...I just wanted to stay there, soak it all up.  Yet when I got to the ball field, just walking through the grass, making my way to the bleachers again just soothed my soul.  I am constantly reminded of where I was and where God has brought me.  I still find myself relishing each and every experience.  I talk to folks, hear how hot it has been in Ukraine.  I can't quite get my head around it.  I can't imagine leaving Karen's apartment with anything less than a coat.  It was so cold there, in my head, it is always cold there.  Gods faithfulness is still astounding to me.  I am so thankful, so blessed!

Lily loving the swing at a rare wedding where we were guests and caterers.  Beautiful setting right on the river.

Showing some Ukrainian Pride n