Do you feel the building anticipation...
I know, I know, for the past two months you have gotten regular updates about everything from the current weather to my emotional state, but just when we get to the big climax...nothing.
Honestly, yesterday was as near to perfect as any day I have had here. Be certain of one thing, I had not slept, really slept in days. I was deprived of nutrition and my mind was vulnerable. But this was the day we had been working for, waiting for, praying for and no amount of bodily deprivation was going to stop me.
Luckily, court was early in the day, 11:00am. Having not spent much time even in a court in the states, much less in Ukraine, I had no idea what to expect. But in reality, it was exactly as I expect. First of all, nothing about the building appeared official. In fact, I am pretty sure we took some random, dirt road that wandered through apartment buildings, past an outdoor market, through a gate that was barely big enough for a small car. The building was large but showed no governmental sign. The steps leading up to the building were badly worn, missing bricks and lopsided. Right inside the door was a metal detector, but when we looked down there lay the plug on the floor. Maybe it is just the "power" of suggestion?
The courtroom itself was pretty basic, small, plain. No big official looking "bench" for the judge. Just a table with three chairs at the front of the room. A small desk off the one side and then two opposing tables, one for prosecutor and one for defense. Yes, there was a prosecutor. I don't know exactly what her role was but she was there. With the judge sat two jury persons, at the desk was to the best of my understanding a court recorder, although she didn't seem to be recording anything. Then we sat on left with our facilitator and then Daria (ah ha...her name) was seated on the right with the Associate Director of the orphanage and the Inspector.
We have a translator with us, but really it is impossible for them to translate everything or even part of what is being said, it is just too much, too fast. So we just watch for hand signal to stand or sit. Once the judge enters things move right along. Mostly just formalities, why do you want to adopt, are you going to provide for her, do you understand the legal ramifications of this adoption, and so on. First Jamie has to answer, give his address, age, occupation...then me. Then she calls Daria up, she brings her right up to the bench and asks her if she has made this decision on her own and if she want to be adopted and go to America...drum roll please...she said YES! Thats right, she said yes, the first time! They ask her a few other questions but that was the only answer we needed to hear. From there it was all just technicalities. After the proceedings were done the judge and jury left the room to "deliberate" their decision. We wait about 20 minutes for the court ruling that declares her, Daria Hope Degnan to be our daughter.
Now the story on her name. Right from the very beginning, before we ever met her, we had learned that Daria means, "gift" and for us that was somewhat symbolic. A gift is what we were looking for, someone that we could give a gift of hope to and that could be a gift to our family, changing the legacy of the Degnan's forever. So there it is, Daria Hope...the gift when in our sight there was no hope.
Afterward, we all went out to eat and by then it was time to return to the orphanage. It is strange really, she is yours, but she isn't yours. "Bye Daria, yes you are my daughter now, the court says so but you still have to stay here at the orphanage"...Now the 10 day wait starts.
I think at this point, I can finally breath, really breath for the first time in weeks. With this realization comes the release of all this built up stress and anxiety. No, I didn't have any kind of emotional meltdown. I know, you're surprised right? You would all be so very impressed, I haven't really cried once this trip. A few little proud tears here or there when talking about my family. Or when retelling the story of one of my girls getting sick just before I had to come back here. But none of those deep heart wrenching cries.
The reality is I have been extremely weak this trip, but physically not mentally. The trip back over really took its toll. I hadn't even been home long enough to get over jet lag going that way so by the time I got back here, I was all kinds of messed up. I desperately wanted and needed to sleep, but couldn't. I even took sleeping pills, yet nothing. It was awful, I felt so vulnerable lying awake at night with all the random, mind wandering thoughts coming at me. I prayed, I counted, I prayed, I sang songs in my head, I prayed...still nothing. I could fall asleep, but would be jolted back awake in moments. The only real sleep I got was on the train, seems that my body was so accustomed to movement that that was the only time I could sleep. But last night, after court, finally I slept. It wasn't a through the night, deep restful, peaceful sleep, but it was sleep and all totaled it was probably about 8 hours of sleep. What a relief!
Today was the day to meet Grandma. Thankfully we had the full "A" team with us. Our trusty translator and our main facilitator who up til last night we had not met face to face. She made the journey to be with us today and I am so thankful that she did. Originally, when I was told that we needed to go met Grandma, I was not keen on the idea. Obviously, I knew that it needed to be done, but I didn't want to. But when the time came around, I was at complete peace with it. Early in the day we found out that the biological mom was at Grandma's, apparently she comes and goes. When Daria found this out, she said she did not want to see her mom, Grandma, yes, Mom...no. So the plan was for us to go with the facilitator and see her and Daria and Sasha would wait for word on whether mom was there or not.
We load up with groceries and candy and make our way to her apartment. When we arrived it wasn't exactly as I expected. While yes, Grandma was there and mom, the other grandma was there as well. The mom wasn't at all what I expected. First she was probably a bit older than I would have thought. Second, she didn't look the part of the mom who would abandon her child. Why do we have those stereo types in our head of what a given people group should look like. Anyway, grandma was as expected, frail and old. Although we were told that she is only 70, she looks much older than that. She seemed gentle and kind and genuinely heartbroken at the thought of her granddaughter going so far away. She wanted to know why we would want another daughter when we already had 3. Why we didn't adopt from the U.S. The whole time mom stood nearby, listening, showing us a picture or two here and there. But never did she show any sign of emotion or even true connection to what was going on. Grandma cried, it was obvious that her heart was heavy.
As the conversation went on, mom agreed to leave so that Daria could come in and see Grandma. Again, it was strange, it didn't seem to bother her in the least to do so. Thats when things got hard, Daria came in and Grandma immediately started crying. Daria hugged her and sat with her on the bed. Then Grandma went on to tell of how Daria's brother had become upset with Grandma for signing the letter of her consent for the adoption. That he had told her that he would not care for her. Then we learn that an aunt on the dads side who lives in Russia, is coming to see her and meet us. We had been told upon meeting the first grandma that this aunt had tried to adopt her but was not permitted to, something about the size of her dwelling. At this news the facilitator gets a bit agitated realizing that this could complicate things. She asks when and we were told tomorrow. Our facilitator explains that this has all been done legally and that we have spent months preparing for this. She asks if the aunt can wait and come on April 3rd because we have to go back to Kiev to sign papers with the embassy and will return on the 3rd. Grandma tries to call the aunt but gets no answer. Where things are now? Well we don't know when or if the aunt is really coming. But the facilitator will follow up with the inspector. So the short and the long of it is...it isn't over yet. If the aunt comes back it could potentially halt things even though she has no legal claim. All we can do is pray and wait and trust God.
Amazingly, I am at complete peace. I think by this point I am truly figuring out the God is in control, not Tiffany. Daria has stood up in court and to her family and said that this is her decision and that she wants to go. Really, my heart broke for both Daria and the grandma. No child should ever be put in that position. It isn't that she is choosing "us" over "them" it is that she is choosing hope and a future over life as an orphan. What a brave and courageous little girl.
Now...let me tell you a little about another of my daughters, Annabelle. Here this kid spends nearly 6 weeks without her mom, I come home for 4 days and then rip her out of her normal, day to day life to fly half way around the world. We travel countless hours on every imaginable mode of transportation, go with out food, water and any real rest and plop her right in the middle of this adventure. What does she do? Adapt. When she walked into that orphanage for the first time she went straight to Daria and hugged her, welcoming her into the Degnan fold. Then, sat through court, joined Daria in the art of pizza eating. Today, when Daria came to the apartment to visit we all started out in the kitchen before I knew it Annie and Daria were in the room playing games on the iPod and iPad. Neither one of them needed anything from us adults. Then she gets to go visit Grandma with us and let me tell you, that is an intimidating thing. First is the sheer impact of the change of environment. A '"rich" American teen dropped right in the middle of this tiny, old apartment. Having to watch a little girl and her grandma interact for what could be the very last time. When we were getting peppered with questions on how we would treat Daria, Annie was right there to answer in agreement with Jamie and I. She was engaged and involved. Never once shied away or showed any sign of fear. She paid attention to everything that was going on. And she showed great compassion toward the grandma, feeling empathy for her. It was one of those touching moments in life where you see God working through your child to bring comfort and compassion to mankind. It was unbelievably touching to me. Not only were Annie and Emma strong back home, she is continuing it right here in Ukraine and what an opportunity for her and Daria to bond and help offer some security to Daria as we transition back to the states.
After the visit, it was time to take Daria back to the orphanage, her home away from home for now. The weather was beautiful today so we decide to make the walk to the market to get food for tonights dinner. It was Annie's first real exposure to culture beyond the orphanage. All of the ice and snow from before is completely gone and replaced with signs of spring. The people have traded their furs and heavy coats for lighter jackets (they are still parka's for us in Colorado), we are seeing more skirts (barely there skirts) and even more of the high heels. People are out raking and cleaning up after the winter. You can smell the fires where people are burning all of the limbs, leaves and garbage leftover from last fall. Kids are playing at the play grounds and the moms have traded the little sleds for carriages, and the covers are even coming off the carriages.
But with the warmer weather comes "seeing" more. I saw more intoxicated people today than I saw the entire 6 weeks previous. Things are a bit louder, but not necessarily in a joyful kind of way. Annie has some interesting observations of society here but I will wait to share those another time. It is refreshing to see things through someone else's eyes, especially a young person. I don't think we always give our kids enough credit, they are much wiser than we often think.
Weeks ago someone joked with me that I might just be here to see the change of seasons. At the time I found absolutely no humor in that. Now, I am seeing so much symbolism. Not only am I seeing the true change of seasons in the natural way, I am seeing the change of seasons in my heart and mind. Replaced is the fear and uncertainty with hope, Daria Hope, the Gift of Hope, therefore Blooming Blossoms.
So I can't really say it enough...thank you! You have all been so faithful in your prayers, support and encouragement. You have held me up when I have been at what seemed like the bottom. But please, it isn't over, this 10 days is critical. If anyone decides to stand up and oppose this, it could halt everything. So keep praying. God has been faithful and so have each of you!
For now, we visit one more time tomorrow before catching the overnight train (in an open compartment) back to Kiev tomorrow night. We have an appointment with the notary and the U.S. Embassy on Monday and then Jamie heads home while Annie and I head to Germany. We are set to return to Kiev on the 1st to start the sprint to the finish.
Continuing to walk with our hands wide open to tell a story only God can write.
For now though, I am enjoying my time in Germany. Being quiet, getting rest, eating lots of carbs and taking in the beauty and peace. Right now I sit at a comfortable table with a lovely view of the country side out the front window. Trees are budding, little white and pink blossoms are popping out. I hear birds chirping. With this view, I could be just about anywhere and feel at peace. The house is quiet, I have my coffee and my morning danish. Me, my computer, my Bible, nearly perfect. Just missing a few girls and my husband, then it would be perfect. Soon, very soon.
Today I think some more exploring is in order. We are staying in a village named Korb. Above town, the hillside is covered in vineyards. They are divided into plots so to speak. Each owned individually, kind of like a community garden. I want to go up and take some pictures and enjoy nature. Nancy has plans to take us to another town which from what I understand is even better than where we went yesterday. Then tomorrow we head into Stuttgart to explore the city center. Sunday, Kiev!
