From Frozen to Free

Today Annabelle and I flew back to Kiev from Stuttgart, Germany.  It was a lovely retreat, in the arms of some of the dearest friends.  I can't always remember what I have shared so forgive me if it is a repeat.  But Friederich and Nancy Luckhof are friends from way back to the Aspen days.  And two of the most influential people in my life.  They walked through some of life's biggest moments with me.  Some good, such as my wedding and the birth of two of my girls.  But also through what is up to this point the most difficult and heartbreaking time in my life.  The death of my sister, Bobbi.  It had been 13 years since we had seen each other, but it seemed like not a moment had passed.  It was fun to meet Benjamin, who makes me look very, very short (oh, wait...I am short).  Thank you guys, the time away was a blessing.  Annabelle and I felt so loved and so honored to be able to stay with you.  Thanks for continuing to pour into my life and that of my family.  I love you guys.

Our trip back was uneventful.  At some point, maybe much later down the road, I will have to retrace our steps and count the miles.  For now, that might be a bit overwhelming.  Not to mention the fact that it isn't over yet.  I can say I am starting to think in terms of "lasts" now and transitioning into counting the days, not the weeks.  Today was the last time (Lord willing) I will be on in inbound plane to Kiev.  At least the last time for a very, very long time.  I can't say I will never come back, I am sure someday it will be a good idea.  For now, time and distance are the best medicine.

We made it back to the safety of Tara and Phil's house, our little American oasis in the middle of Kiev.  For some reason, I cry every time I walk in their door.  I think it must be the release of not having to worry about a thing, or the familiarity of the American family system.  What ever it is, I like it.  We only have a few short hours of rest before we have to catch the 7am (hopefully the last) train.  After 5 hours on the train, we will make our walk to the bus station to catch our 2 hour bus ride back to Nikopol and to Daria.

While we can't actually pick her up until Tuesday, tomorrow will be our last visit at the orphanage.  Then Tuesday the paper chase begins.  That is where we could use some prayers.  Seems everything hinges on the time it takes to get the passport.   Once the passport is done it is just 3 days or so of embassy/medical stuff and we can head home.  The way it plays out is Tuesday is "gotcha day" and then straight to get birth certificate.  Spend one last night in Nikopol before we head back to Dnipropetrovsk by bus (hopefully the last) to apply for the passport.  The goal is to be on train (hopefully our last) back Kiev on Wednesday evening.  Once in Kiev, we wait.  Once passport is done, it will be brought to us and we will then finish it up get home.

I am ready!  I am rested, or as rested as I have been for the past 2 months.  I am focused, the view of the finish line is getting clearer.  Let's get er done!

Thinking of Daria, she only has 2 nights left sleeping in a cold orphanage.  I think of her bright and cheery room that Lily has waiting at home.  What a huge contrast that is going to be.  I wonder what is going through her little head.  What are her fears?  What is she excited about?  How much courage it takes for a little girls to make such a drastic change.  Go to another country with a family she doesn't know, to a culture so different from her own.  A new language, new foods, new smells.  I pray that God is preparing her little heart right now.  I also pray that He keeps mine soft.  If you ask my other girls right now, I am sure they would say that's no problem.  I still get the leaky eyes pretty regularly.

It dawned on me today, as the plane was nearing the airport, that things have really changed.  The landscape has changed.  When we first flew in here on February 6, everything was frozen.  All you could see as far as the eye would go was white and grey.  I had no idea there was so much water around the city.  Now you can see the free flowing water, the farm land starting to sprout out with life, trees are turning green.  It was pretty actually!

Then it dawned on me that a lot has changed in me as well.  I am no longer frozen either, not by fear, not by anxiety, not by depression.  My heart is flowing freely.  It has been a long journey, one that I never saw coming.  Looking back, at certain points in the journey I wasn't sure I would make it to this point.  I am sure some of you were thinking the same thing.  And while it is certainly not over yet, I am proud how far I have come.

One of my last experience in Stuttgart was a trip to the city center.  Got to see some of the city sites and realize that really most of us, we are just alike.  While wondering through a market filled with every variety of sausage, cheese, fresh veggies, beer and wine, we come around a corner to where a band was playing.  They are just starting a song, my heart stopped...I was "Country Road" by John Denver.  I nearly lost it right there, but for Annabelle's sake I pulled it together.  But that is now my anthem...country road, take me home, the place where I belong...

For now, I prepare for bed reflecting on the goodness of God.  His faithfulness, His Mercy.  Not only has the land gone from frozen to free, so have I.  And it is a nice place to be.