It's the bottom of the 9th, 2 outs and nobody on base. The only hope is a walk-off homer.
Some of you know that we have done it before, back in the spring of 2010 the Rockies were in extra innings (trust me, we are so in extra inning play right now) Chris Iannetta was the lead off batter. Foul, ball, ball and HOMERUN! This wasn't just any home run, this home run was hit literally right at (or on, in Emma's case) our feet. I reach down and snatch it up. I couldn't believe it! Immediately my phone started ringing, not only had we caught the ball we managed to make our way on the Sports Center and every other highlight reel for the day. That ranks right up there in the top 2 great sporting moments in the Degnan house. A certain Tebow win tops it!
Anyway, that is where we sit right now. We have but one shot to smash it out of the park. I am praying for a similar set up for tomorrow. We need the perfect pitch right in the sweet spot. Then once it is off the bat, an easy sail over the wall.
Through out the day my anxiety level has been rising. It isn't overwhelming like it has felt at certain times leading up to now. I take this as a good sign. A sign that I am figuring out, finally, who is really in control. Trust me, it isn't me. We have a game plan, we have our line up so to speak. We will go in with the list of names that have been forwarded on to us over the past couple of weeks. We will start with the youngest, because we still would prefer a younger child. If we strike out with the names we have been given, we will move on to the dreaded book. My prayer is that we don't have to go to the book. It is kinda like the bullpen, we don't want to go to deep.
Why, well we are limited to one hour. Last time we ran out of time and didn't make all the way through the books therefore potentially limiting our options. And ultimately being issued a referral that we never should have been sent on. Honestly, I am praying that God would only give us one option. I want it to be that clear. But if that isn't the case, I pray for wisdom. Our plan is to take a referral (obviously) and for some reason the answer is no again, then home we go.
And what about home, obviously we didn't come here to go home empty handed. But, and that is a BIG but, we know that we were sent. Not a case of "consequences of a bad decision." And if we were sent and come home empty handed, we know that God had a different purpose for us. Don't misunderstand me, I believe with all my heart that God desires for us to accomplish our goal. His heart is for the fatherless. I will do everything within my power to accomplish this goal, that is why I have stuck this last month out. That is why I never went through with the actual purchase of those other plane tickets. Trust me, I would so rather be sitting at home with my whole family together than playing a waiting game in Kiev, Ukraine in the middle of the winter.
So in just of 12 hours, we will make our way back up the hill to the SDA. We will make our way back into the same drab office, with the same ladies working at the same desks. Most likely, we will all sit in the exact same places on the couch. But this time one thing will be different and another will be certain. This time we are taking the sweet Karen with us. An extra set of ears to hear what is truly being said. The certainty is that this will be our last visit to this room. Unless of course, God has a different plan. And to be completely honest, it would take an act of God to get me back into that room after all of this.
Tomorrow marks the one month mark. Hard to believe really. Looking back, on one hand it went by so slowly but on the other, not so. Again, don't misunderstand. It hasn't been the easiest, or nicest month nor has it been the worst either. I can say that it has been a month of tremendous growth. Growth that I never would have experienced back at home, continuing in my day to day routine. It has been unbelievably painful at times, heart wrenching. Yet at the same time I have more peace and confidence than I have had in years. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this is exactly where God wants me right now.
Beyond that, He has done some amazing heart work in me for my family. I have always adored my my family, husband & girls. I love, love, love being a mom of my girls. They make me proud every single day. But at the same time, somewhere along the way I got selfish. I loved my work, loved my personal time and often the family suffered because of it. Right now, I can't wait to complete this process and run home and be a wife and a mom.
Some of you know that I am not a morning person, not the mom who gets up, makes breakfast and packs lunch. But I can't wait to go home and start some new habits and traditions, including getting up with all of my girls, not just the late riser. I want to see them off to school, not just after school. I want to make dinner, and not just the "throw something together" kind of dinner. But try new things, get them involved. Laundry on the other hand, would still love to hire that one out. Maybe it is time to get the girls to taking that one and run......
As a form of torture, Jamie has found it fun to show me pictures of beautiful beach scenes. Most of you know that the beach is my "happy" place. The place I love to go to recharge and relax. It has been over a year since I have been to the beach. Typically I am good for at least one trip per year and sometimes 2. I see a reward in our future. Praying for a family trip in the next year. All my girls, newest addition included, a nice warm sea breeze, toes in the sand, a fruity beverage, and a stack of my favorite magazines. Ahhh.....
Be praying for us...we will update as soon as we have anything to update.
One thing is for sure, we are truly getting closer to coming home.
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ReplyDeletePraying for you, Degnan Family!
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