In No Particular Order

Well now, 3 months is a long time.  That is how long it has been since I took the time to write.  Every time I say "well" it makes me giggle.  My grandma, age 93 has always used "well" but seldom in a good sort of way.  It was usually in that good southern way that led into some sort of judgement.  But it still makes me smile.  Honestly, she is a lovely lady who has experienced more in her life than I can possibly imagine.  She is a good southern women, often all about perception.  But a good mom, grandma, great-grandma and now a great-great-grandma.  I hope I am doing as good as her at that age.  She just sold her car a little over a year ago.  In fact, she drove to Colorado (from Oklahoma) just 5 years ago.  Straight through.....wow!

Anyway, I know you don't really care about my grandma.  You just want to know what is happening in the Degnan house.  How is Daria?  Lily?  Annabelle?  Emma?  And the crazy parents of the 4 amazing girls.....

Well......some 7 months ago I remember Jamie saying, "you need to get a grip, this is the easy part."  Mind you this was in Ukraine, while I was fully engulfed in what I have affectionately termed my "crazy days."  In his defense, he was trying in his guy way, to encourage me.  What I heard was, it is only going to be harder once we get home.  This in no way comforted me, really, not at all.  In fact, it had the opposite effect.  I remember telling him through my tears, "stop, don't say that ever again."  I couldn't imagine anything being any worse than what I was experiencing at that moment.  And in case you forgot, I felt every single moment of the 10 weeks spent in Ukraine.  For once, I must say that "he was wrong."  That was, at least so far, the hard part.

Yip, you got it right.  That was the hard part.  I must use the disclaimer...so far!   We have a long way to go, but really...things are going pretty darn good.  I won't make you wait till the end to find out all about Daria.  I will give it to you straight up front.  She is doing great.

In fact, to use her own words...awesome.  Everyday when I pick the "children" (I will explain it later) up from school, I ask "how was your day?"  And everyday, Daria's answer is "awesome."  Literally, everyday!  Drives Annabelle crazy...you ask her how her day was..."ok."  Daria is quick to ask, "why just ok."  "Why not awesome?"  Actually Daria comes running to us everyday, usually concluding with a nicely executed dive roll right at my feet.  Which explains why she should not wear white....grass stains.

Now, it is not without struggles, frustration and annoyances.  First with her and Lily...here are two little girls sharing everything, time, space, friends.  I have to be honest, it has been hardest on Lily.  This has rocked her world.  She had visions of a little sister who would need her.  What she got was an older sister who is confident, independent and outgoing and definitely does NOT need her.  The girls are still sharing a room.  This is good and bad, I think mostly good for bonding.  But....we are getting ready to finish our basement so that all the girls can have their own rooms.  The one thing we have noticed is that Daria doesn't know what to do with personal time or space.  And Lily really needs some of each.  Honestly, both girls have inspired me so much.  What each of them has been thrown into is not easy, not in the slightest.  Lily is our most tenderhearted one, yet when pushed can be down right mean.  Daria, just trying to figure out where she fits.  All in all, they are both doing "awesome."  It isn't easy, but they are both growing in so many ways.

Speaking of growing...Daria has grown almost 2 inches since she got here.  Watch out Annabelle....I look back at her little passport photo taken back in April in Nikopol.  She was a "little" girl, now...not so much.  She has filled out, grown up (literally).  Her coloring has changed, still big brown eyes and brown hair but the skin color is where you see it.  Her hair is growing like crazy, 2 hair cuts down and another due.  Maybe this is due to how the girl can eat, and I mean eat.  Well, wait actually she eats great as long as it has absolutely NO heat, that means no pepper, table pepper.  Funny really, a few weeks ago I made Chicken Tortilla soup.  I deliberately made it less hot with her in mind.  However, 1 hour and 20 minutes later (the other girls had finished after 10 minutes) as she sat with her soup still sitting right in front of her, I began to wonder.  The debate went something like this...Daria, "can I eat just this much (as she tried to separate her soup), me, "no, sorry.  You don't have to eat any of it, BUT if you don't there will be no treat later."  Daria, "what if I eat this much (still trying to separate her soup).  Me, "no, sorry kiddo.  You either have to eat it all or no treat later."  This goes on for quite some time until I finally say, "Daria, you don't have to eat it.  But remember, if you don't no treat later."  At this point she had no more than a couple of bites left.  (oh, keep in mind she had lots of corn bread, milk & water.)  She gets up, says "ok" and heads to the trash.  Then I say, "really, look at how little you have left.  You have worked so hard to eat it and you are just gonna quit."  With a sharp shoulder shrug, she returns to the table and two bites later she is done....mission accomplished.

Things discovered...yesterday she discovered ranch dip, not dressing.  She eats her salad dry.  But dip, she loves potato chips and add the ranch and she, her words, loves it.  I am surprised it has taken 6 months to discover that one.  Reading, about 2 weeks ago we established 30 minutes of "personal" time. We are making (mean aren't we) each of the "children" spend 30 minutes on their own with out electronics or interaction with humans.  That means reading....about a week in something clicked and Daria discovered that she liked to read.  It has been interesting to watch her, she doesn't love or even like, time on her own.  She constantly seeks out attention and interaction with the sisters.  But sometimes the sisters need some time alone.  Hence, the rule of personal time.  Seems the "Diary of a Whimpy Kid" is her current favorite.  A little humor goes a long way.

Academically, well that is an interesting one.  We had parent/teach conferences last week and couldn't be more proud of her.  She is doing "awesome" in school.  She is right at grade level.  Her grasp of the English language is amazing.  She is fully and completely fluent.  Which probably explains her enjoyment for reading.

Socially, again amazing.  She has lots of friends.  She and Lily love, and I mean love, playing football at recess and lunch.  In fact, Daria is basically obsessed with football.  We often go to Berthoud High football games.  While Lily is there solely for social reasons, Daria is standing as close to the field as she can get.  Walking the sidelines right along with play...she is Degnan!  She is watching and learning with every step.  When we turn on a football game, she always asks "which team are we going for?"  For Halloween she is going to be a Denver Bronco football player.

Emotionally, again...freaky good.  She has started to defend herself.  If an injustice has been done, she clearly expresses her case and is usually right on the money.  We don't see much emotion but she has a clear sense of what is right and wrong.

So what is she calling us....drum roll please.  Yes, it is mom and dad.  Regularly and consistently.  She still seems to be more attached to "dad" than "mom".  No worries for me, she is definitely one of the girls.  It is all about the girls, right?

Now to the rest of them.  To start, Lily.  I have said a bit about her already.  As I mentioned, this is hardest on her.  But in true Lily fashion, she is rising to the challenge.  A few weeks ago, Daria got hurt (playing football) at school.  While Daria sucked it up, Lily cried on her behalf.  She is busy with music lessons and just finished an undefeated volleyball season.  She and Daria played on the same team, a first for both of them.  That was fun and funny...Daria thought is was soccer and gave the ball a good "header." She has grown a good inch herself.  I just bought her jeans and they are ankle high now.  My itty bitty might just grow.  She is still a cute little thing though.

Annabelle, now a high school freshman.  Can't believe it really.  She is doing great, loving high school and her friends.  She went to Homecoming, and was absolutely lovely.  Still trying to convince her that she should join the debate club.  Really, she has a gift.  It is often frustrating to me, but really a gift....She has had a bit of a rough go this year, finding out that she and gluten are NOT friends.  Being a foodie, the idea of drastically altering her diet is not something she is embracing.  She is a constant source of humor in our house.

Emma, a junior is busy with cross country and school.  She and her teammates just qualified for state (3rd straight year) and will compete next Saturday.  She has been working through a difficult year, plagued by injury.  She has endured 2 intense deep tissue treatments and dry needling.  She is tougher than me.  Her dedication, focus and toughness inspire me.

For the mom and dad...well, we are blessed.  This has not been an easy stretch for our girls.  We just completed our busiest catering season to date.  We did 21 events from July 1 to September 30, that is 21 events in 14 weeks.  Our total events since May...36.  That is on top of Jamie maintaining a 40 hour a week job and me working part-time.  All be it, very part time.  What this means for the girls, is on average 2 nights a week that we (neither of us) are not at home.  Emma has been working for us all year which leave Annabelle as the designated care giver of the "children."  That is where the term came from, Annabelle has dubbed them the "children."  The actually don't like to be called that unless it is by Annabelle.  The is the go to cooker, cleaner and fight breaker-uper.  She has been amazing, and this is no easy task.  And while the crazy part of the year is over, it is only a lull.  We have another 3 events in November.  3 (so far) in December and 2 in January.  Those numbers will increase.  Don't misunderstand me.  Growth is a good thing for the business, it is not without sacrifice and difficulty with the family.  Our hope, that next year we actually grow enough that Jamie could cut back his work load and we could maybe hire some really help.  Honestly, God has been good, gracious and merciful.

Jamie accomplished a long held goal.  He summited Longs Peak, one of Colorado's most challenging 14'rs.  I am so proud of him, this is no easy feat.  He did it in style, part of a group on a fundraising climb.  He also played some summer softball, a good outlet for him.  Not proud to say that I didn't see a single game.  Bad wife!

For me, I got my annual girls concert in.  Seeing Tim McGraw and Kenny Chesney at Mile High Stadium with my concert buddies.  A beautiful summer night, fun, fun time.  Maybe next year I should consider climbing a mountain.  Not to sell my self short, I did complete a 5k with Emma.  The Diva Dash, it was fun, hot but fun.  Most importantly, I finished.  It might not have been pretty, but I finished

But, and that is a BIG BUT...the last month of the season was very physically and emotionally taxing on us.  We had several weeks that had 3 straight weddings and let me tell you, if you haven't ever done what we do...that is a lot.  We personally work every event, start to finish.  Someday I should wear a pedometer and track my steps.  It is very physically demanding, long days that run from noon to past mid-night.  Lots of lifting, caring, walking and then add in trying to keep your bride, her mom and all the other guest happy, whew...I am tired just remembering.  Please, don't get me wrong.  It is a great job, we get paid to participate in the greatest day of a couples life.  I consider it a privilege.  I get to pray for them, and they often have no idea.  But when the season is over, wow, what a relief.  This is why we always plan a vacation for the fall.  It is well earned and beyond needed.

Which leads me to my next subject...vacation.  Many of you know how I love the beach, particularly the beach in Mexico.  I know, some say it is a bad idea.  Me, I say I will not live in fear of some nut-case drug dealers.  We take every precaution.  We don't put ourselves in unnecessarily dangerous situations and we use wisdom.  That is why we pick the Riviera Maya region of Mexico.  Just south of Cancun.  We go with an all-inclusive resort, therefore no reason to venture far.  So this years vacation, Puerto Morelos.  About a 20 minute cab ride south of the Cancun airport.  We are taking all the girls, our first family vacation.  Our reward for a winter of utter frozen craziness and a summer of total wedding chaos.  We scored 10 days a price less than what 7 would normally be, thanks to some creative holiday travel and a resort promo.  Before we booked, I asked Jamie if we could get one day for every week spent in Ukraine.  I was kidding (kind of), who would of thought it would actually work out.  We have never vacationed for more than 7 days, but starting November 16 we will experience what a 10 day vacation feels like.  All of this funded by the generosity of clients through their gratuities this summer...example of God's goodness and graciousness.  Not one penny is out of our  pocket, and we are talking a family of 6 here.

There are so many ways I could talk about Gods faithfulness and goodness.  The transition home, the relational mercies, the growth of the business, the health we continue to walk in, the financial provision.  All very really, none escaping notice.  Recently I had to do a current "financial" for the court.  Documenting our out of pocket expenses for the adoption.  I won't go into specifics, lets just say that it was beyond what even I had expected.  All the travel, food, lodging, medical, translators, social workers, training (how to be a good parent), document accumulation (birth certificates, marriage license, house deeds), criminal back ground checks, department of homeland security clearance,then add in the lost income and it is a big number, really, really big number.  BUT...not one house payment was late, not on utility bill missed.  And let me tell you, it isn't like we had a bunch of cash just laying around, we had no cash laying around.  God called, said GO, and He provided.  Looking back, all I can say is wow!  He really does equip the called rather than calling the equipped...in more ways than one.

So beyond all of that...this is our summer.  Lots of work, add in Water World, Rockies baseball, many, many trips to the pool.  Homecoming for the big girls, Daria turned 11 and Emma turned 17.  We played volleyball and football.  Went hiking, biking, scootering and walking.  We have had sleepovers, playdates, shopping trips and dining out experiences.  The mom and dad have been lucky enough to see two Bronco games live and in person.  One of my most favorite things of all time.  Several hometown football games, parades and family gathering.  Get to gathers with cousins, aunts and uncles, sleepovers at grandma & papa's house.  Ice cream with friend made while in Ukraine.  Church celebrations and summer camps.  Wow, we have been busy.  Busy and blessed.

On a personal note...reflection continues to be a constant in my life.  My time in Ukraine is still ever present and influences my day to day life.  I and looking forward to reading my blog, I have decided to start in February and walk through it, day to day, one year later.  A great opportunity to look back, embrace the today and gaze out at what the tomorrows might bring.

I continue to be ever thankful of where I have been and where God has brought me.  The character, the strength, the courage and the perseverance all wrapped up into one little package.  All yet to fully be unwrapped.  God is good....all the time.

Friday the 13th...Again!

So, what is all the hype about Friday the 13th.  So what if a few horror movies carry the name.  For me, this year, Friday the 13th is just another reminder of God's grace and mercy.  Personally, I love Friday the 13th.  It will forever go down in my personal history as one of the greatest days of all time.  Yes, you heard it, all time.  Why you might ask, good question but for now I will leave you hanging with a Degnan family "status update."

Shall we go from the top down, age I mean, not rank!  Jamie has been working like a mad man.  40 hours a week at his "paying gig" and depending on the week a good 20 to 30 at the "oh, please let us make some money on this party" job.  He hasn't had more than a day of in any given week since early May.  And sadly, most weeks have equalled about a half a day off.  He did manage to squeeze in a good long hike a week or so ago.  All the while he is still playing softball and hasn't missed but one of Lily's softball games.

For me, well I am busy all the time.  Just don't ask me doing what.  I know there is a lot of laundry, a lot of dishes.  I think my back side is going flat with all the time spent at my desk.  Then we have softball, the gym and the grocery store to keep our banana supply up.  I am loving being back at the cafe, albeit on a very part-time basis.  My little self-help thing of recent is getting back to the gym.  Even subjecting myself to the torture of a personal trainer.  Torture and humiliation really.  Annabelle and I are doing it together, oh to be young again.  She kicks my butt at everything except flexibility and balance...gotta give the old lady something.  I also started running, I said I was gonna after all the walking of the Ukraine.  Should of started sooner though, now I am starting from ground zero.  I entered the Diva Dash in Boulder in a couple of weeks.  Emma and I are doing it together.  Well at least we will start together.  I plan to drive, that way I am guaranteed that she will wait for me at the finish.

Emma, Oh goodness Emma.  She is ever steady and a great big sister.  She is the queen of getting Daria all kinds of riled up just before bed then leaving me to deal with the fall out.  But, I must give credit where credit is due, she has really embraced this whole process.  Cross country training is in full swing with 3 formal practices a week, she is also going to the gym and doing lots of independent runs like her 4 miles last night at 9pm.  She makes me tired.

Then we have little miss Annabelle...oh, Annie!  She makes me laugh out loud and completely crazy all at the same time...someone please explain how that is possible.  Regularly locked in her room with her nose buried in a book.  If her nose isn't buried, than her ears are securely covered with headphones, connected to the iPod, playing a movie or sometimes even music.  Convenient when her mother is yelling her name.  Our go-to cook or babysitter, or if we are feeling the need to have a great debate.  It reminds me of arguing with my dad, no matter how wrong he was, he always seemed right.  That is her, she is always right.  She is a quick whit, that one.  She loves her some baseball, Rockies baseball.  She went to the game tonight with her dad and a couple of the girls, she was the only one who knew the final score...even her dad didn't know, Mr. Baseball himself.

Now we shall go out of order a bit.  Lily the youngest, to her dismay she is still in fact the youngest.  Tomorrow she will play in her first ever softball tournament.  A single elimination tourney.  Game one is at 8am.  Tonight they played a playoff game to determine the league champion.  Unfortunately, they lost.  A sloppy game and a disappointing game, especially in witnessing the bad behavior of the opponents coach.  These same girls played together last year, I think they only won maybe 2 games.  They have come a long way and it has been a blast to watch.  We finally had her very belated birthday, only 3 months late.  She told me today that she couldn't wait for school to start.  Only 43 more days to go.

Now Daria, I know that is all you have been waiting for.  She is doing great...a funny process really.  So this past Sunday, Jamie, Lily, Daria and I were eating dinner.  We have been working on table manners..."Mom, can you pass the...." well, as it works out Daria wanted the butter.  She stood up and stretched out her arm, right over my dinner plate in and attempt to snatch the butter.  I slowly placed my hand on the butter and looked her square in the eye and said, "Mom, can I have the butter please."  She grinned, giggled a bit and then turned to Lily and said, "Lily will you pass the butter please."  You can imagine the shock and awe on my face.  Truth be told, I was a bit ticked off.  It would have been one thing if she just turned to Lily and asked for the butter, but to use her name in the same context pushed me a bit over the edge.  I took a deep breath and my only reaction was to say, "that was rude."  At that point, a bit of a line had been drawn in the sand.  Three months has passed and still no acknowledgment of me being mom, or anyone for that matter.  So after dinner this leads Jamie and I to having a heart to heart about it "being time."  Being the mature, direct adults that we are we send miss Lily outside so that we can have a few moments with Daria.  We explain to her that we are family, she agrees with a "for now" response.  We talk about how we know that she refers to us as mom and dad when talking to the sisters.  We discuss how it shows respect and courtesy to refer to someone by an endearing name.  She refers to everyone, yes everyone else by something, name, Mr. or Mrs...everyone but us.  Her mom and dad.  Well, yes I drew the line in the sand.  The time has come and my will is greater than yours.  Our instruction....tomorrow if you need something you must ask, "mom (or another endearing name of your choice) may I have...." and if not, well no computer.  Her responses, I can do that.  Just in case you aren't tracking, that was "I can go with out computer" not I can call you mom.

So morning dawns, she works her way through breakfast without the need to "ask" for anything.  Same for lunch.  Then Lily asked, "mom, can I have a popsicle?"  We had made home-made popsicles the day before.  I say, "sure, help yourself."  Daria sits there.  Lily says, "Daria, you can have a popsicle."  Daria, "no, I have to ask."  Around rolls dinner.  I fill her plate, pasta, sauce, salad & bread.  This time, she doesn't ask or even suggest butter, much less dressing for her salad.  She ate it dry.  Then Emma and her boyfriend, Tommy walk in.  They have soda.  Soda is a treat in the Degnan house, and a treat that Daria loves.  She see's it, listens as both Annabelle and Lily ask, "Mom, can I have some soda."  All she says, "oh, I want pop."  Still she refuses to ask.

Dinner comes and goes and I decide that that night would be a good night to make home-made brownies.  As soon as the batter is done, here comes Annabelle and Lily again.  "Mom, can I have some batter?"  Sure I say...hush with the salmonella, I have been eating batter of all varieties for years and have yet to end up sick......so then follows Daria, "oh, I want some."  My response, "all you have to do is ask."  "But how," she says.  "Mom, can I have some batter."  Low and behold, out it popped..."Mom, can I have some batter?"  Holy Cow...my reflex to control.  I jump and scream "yes, see it didn't even hurt."  She jumped back and proclaimed, "you scared me."  I calm myself and go about giving her what she asked for and finishing off the baking process.  Once the brownies were done, it was the same story all over again.  Annabelle and Lily ask, "Mom, can I have a brownie?"  Daria comes over, "oh, I want one."  Me again, "all you have to do is ask."  And once again, "Mom can I have a brownie?"  This time there was no screaming, just giving her the brownie and celebrating on the inside.

The very next day I was working at my desk, she comes in the office and all on her own asks, "Mom can I have an apple?"  YES!  My will is stronger than yours and yes, it took 3 months but, by george we got it....Mom.  She even referred to Jamie as Dad, completely unsolicited.

Tonight she got to go to her first ever Major League Baseball game.  She has been waiting patiently.  From the sounds of it, it was a huge success.  The Rockies won, she got another American hamburger (her favorite) and Jamie even gave her Coke.  I told Jamie he could stay up all night with her since it has been proven that Coke keeps her awake.  They even handed out purple town tonight so she came home with a souvenir.

My little endearing story of the week...this morning I get up.  As soon as I leave my room I hear, "yes, Daria, even if your house burns down, Jesus still loves you and is protecting you."  This is Lily talking to Daria about how God loves us even in the bad things of life.  Made my heart smile.

So you are still wondering why Friday the 13th is the greatest day ever for me.  Well, back in April on Friday the 13th, I landed in Denver with our newest daughter.  We were greeted by the greatest family and friends ever.  I got to hug my girls, cry true tears of joy and sink into sweet sleep in my own bed after 10 weeks of Ukrainian living.  Knowing that I was home to stay, no going back this time.  Home it was, with my husband, my girls.  Sheer bliss, joy beyond measure and thankfulness to my God who showed himself true and just, day after day, week after week and month after month.  So today (yesterday now) is Friday, July 13th.  We have been home for 3 months.  All it does is make me reflect on the goodness, the grace and the mercy of my God.  I am reminded of how thankful I am, for so, so many things.  How unworthy I am and how humbled I am.  He chose me, little, weak, chicken me...and with His help, through His mercy I have come out the other side, stronger, braver, and a little more broken than before and immensely more grateful.  Friday the 13th...you are my favorite day!

Opposite Extremes

So it has happened...I have now been home longer than I was away, by three days!  Crazy really, so, so much has happened in the past 10 weeks.  In some ways it seems like I have been home for months, in others, I just arrived.  Two worlds, Colorado and Ukraine...separated by 5,646.73 miles.  There are the obvious differences, language, socio-economics, culture, history.  Then there are the "felt" differences.  I can't imagine that there is ever a time of year in Ukraine where you could actually where shorts much less leave your apartment without a jacket.  Really, a hoodie, coat, scarf, gloves, hat and snow boots.  I know they have a real summer, from what I understand the guys break out the "white" shoes.  The men aren't real shorts wearers.  That is how you can pick an American out for sure.  According to the forecast, the hottest day of the week will be on Sunday with a whopping 79 degrees.  They have something in their forecast that we are becoming very unfamiliar with...rain.  But this is what I remember.  An average high of about 27 degrees.

This picture was taken by a friend of mine who was literally
been on the front line for 14 days straight.  These guys are
working 14 on, 12 hours a day with 2 off.

My Reality today...well we are in day number 16 of the High Park fire.  A fire that started outside of Ft. Collins, Colorado and has consumed over 83,000 acres and destroyed 248 homes.  The most in state history and the second largest fire ever in Colorado.  That is only one of 12 fires burning in Colorado today.  This past weekend both my mom and brother-in-law were either evacuated or put on voluntary evacuation.  One in Estes Park, my home town where 22 homes burned to the ground the other in Colorado Springs where an entire community was evacuated as the fire raced its way.  Today we matched the all-time record high for Denver at 105 degrees.  I don't know the exacts, but I think we have had 4 days of 100 or greater in a row with a couple more to come.  

In addition to, the state being on fire.  Here in Johnstown we have lost power 3 times in the past 7 days. They say because of the extreme heat and the demand on power in an attempt to stay cool.  The frustrating part is that it appears that it is limited to about 15 to 20 houses on our street and the one directly behind us.  Frustrating to say the least.  While it certainly isn't good sleeping weather, the real bummer is the food situation.  The bad news, the coolest day of the week is supposed to be Friday at 95 degrees.  If we are lucky it will get down to the high 80's by next Tuesday.  You know it is bad when going to the water park seems like a bad idea because it is to hot...yip, that is where we are at.  

For me the two extremes are so glaringly obvious.  The cold to the bone cold of Ukraine vs. the so hot you don't dare go outside if the sun is till in the sky.  I know, I know, there are many of you out there that live in climates that make Colorado balmy.  We don't have humidity, the firefighters would love some about now.  It does cool down at night, we are at 79 degrees at 11:30pm.  We might get to 68 before sunrise.  But we have had this wicked hot wind blowing.  Feels like it is just sucking every drop of moisture out of your body.  Few, if any clouds...even though last night it rained hard for about 4 minutes.  4 more minutes of rain than we have had in weeks.  So which do I choose...that is tough.  I hate not sleeping.  But I guess I have to choose the heat.  Honestly, if I were comparing the cold of Colorado vs. the heat of Colorado, can't say I would choose the same.  But I remember thinking I may never warm up in Ukraine.  Taking the hottest shower possible just to get the body temperature back up.  Here I put on a cuter summer dress and have a cold beverage and life is good.  Fashion, it wins way to often.

So how are the girls you ask.  Well, I must say...they are fabulous.  Both Lily and Daria have come and gone to camp.  Both had a great time with completely different experiences.  Lily is a bit of a pampered camp, they have showers although they are not heated.  Daria, if she wanted a bath it was the river.  Lily had a bunk with a mattress in a cabin with about 11 other girls.  Daria, a tent, a sleeping bag and a cot.  But it was great for both.  Lily got to hang out at her favorite camp ever.  Daria got to experience the Colorado rockies at their full glory.  A true back country experience.  Lily went zip-lining and mountain climbing.  Daria shot rifles, pistols and a bow an arrow.  Next year they will go to camp together but I also think, if it is offered Daria will attend the Wilderness camp again.  It was all Ukrainian adopted kiddo's.  She was the youngest and apparently the fastest.  She managed to "capture the flag" and lead her team to victory.  She had the war wounds to prove it.

In order for her to go to camp, we didn't get to spend Father's Day together.  She headed to camp that day, so we took the other girls and headed to north east Colorado to the Tiny town of Grover, Colorado.  Population 293.  Each year they host the Earl Anderson Memorial Rodeo.  My dad, a cowboy, real cowboy through and through asked us to come out.  It was hot, it was windy and it was dusty.  I was blowing Grover dust out of my nose for 3 days.  But it was worth it.  Don't remember the last time we spent Fathers Day with my dad.  The best part of the day was the wild horse race at the very end of the day.  Everyone should experience a wild horse race once in their life.  

On the Father's Day note, Daria wrote a sweet card to Jamie that included a "love you" at the end.  That made me smile.  

Daria and Lily can't seem to get enough of the pool.  Can't say as I blame them.  Emma and Jamie have been good sports in taking them almost daily.  However yesterday I had to impose the "don't ask again or you won't go today or tomorrow" rule.  We are still working through the repetitive nature, ask, ask again, ask yet again...and again.  

Last night when the power went out, it was about 8pm.  The teenagers, including Emma's boyfriend Tommy were watching a movie.  We were all a bit frustrated that it had happened again, but they were amazing.  They all started playing life with headlamps on their heads.  They included the little girls as well.  But before long they were looking for the portable DVD player...the plan?  Watch movies in the car.  Which they did, minus the little girls.  They sat on the front porch with me, did some chalk drawing in the garage and called it a night.  Made me smile seeing the others in the van with their pillows and blankets...who needed a blanket in 100 degree weather.  Hint, hint....starts with an "A".

Tonight, we lost power again.  This time only or an hour or so.  Long enough to force us out for dinner.  I went to meet some friends in town, the big girls headed to the mall and Jamie took the little ones and headed to Subway.  I think I got the long straw on the night.  Great to hang out with old friend, old as in I have know them a long time, not old as in, well...old.  

When I got home the girls were huddled up on the couch watching The Lion King.  First time I have seen it, Daria cried when the dad died.  Real tears, very sweet.  

Well, last night I got about 4 hours of sleep.  It is already mid-night and I am working tomorrow.  Best get to bed.  As I go to sleep tonight I will be going back in time, some 20 weeks ago.  The cold, the uncertainty, the confusion and I will be thanking God for where I am today, the opposite extreme.  

Soothe My Soul

Ok Susie...this is for you!

For the past three years Lily has been blessed to be able to attend Camp Timberline.  I am not biased or anything, but it is simply the BEST Christian based sport & mountain adventure camp ever.  We didn't think she was going to be able to go this year.  I tried to sign her up while I was in Ukraine, to my surprise the were already full.  Our only hope was to put her on the waiting list.  On May 29 I got an email notifying me that she was still on the wait list for session one that would start on June 7.  But again to my surprise, on on June 1st there was a packet waiting in the mail stating that "they would see Lily on June 7."  She was thrilled, I was thrilled.

Today I made the drive to pick her up.  The drive in and of its self is an amazing thing for me.  I don't think I could ever tire of the drive up "the canyon."  From our house it is about an hour and 15 minutes or so.  It starts out as a highway drive but quickly transitions into a mountain drive...my favorite kind of drive.  I love the twists and curves.  I love showing all those flat-landers how it's done.  It is a game, a challenge really.  Too bad I have to drive a Honda Odyssey mini van.  Not bad when that mini van shows that Mercedes how it's done.  Sad to say that I had to follow a Lotus down...couldn't help but think about how much fun it would be to drive a machine like that up the canyon, down might be somewhat of a let-down

Those of you who are familiar with the drive from Lyons to Estes Park know that it is an elevation gain of over 2,000 feet in just about 20 miles.  It is curvy, and for those of us who grew up driving these roads...it is fun.  My favorite view of possibly all time is when I crest the hill at Pole Hill.  The mountains, nowhere are they more spectacular.  As I make my way down to the lake I decide that today it might be fun to "cut the corner."  That is, take Fish Creek Road rather than go up and take Highway 7...the usual and typically preferred route.  I went past Whispering Pines Drive, past Carriage Hills, past that grueling "hill workout" from days gone by and track practice.  The golf coarse...so many crazy memories surround that road.  Most are sweet, some I am just glad to have lived to talk about them.   It was a great, yet brief trip down memory lane.  Glad I took it.  Many faces flashed before my eyes, many dates in time as well.

Anyway, back to picking Lily up.  Something about walking through the woods just soothes my soul.  In the midst of chaos, I find peace.  So thankful that Lily got to spend 6 nights living in the shadow of Longs Peak.  Someday we must climb it...she must climb it.  Me, maybe I am cresting that place of being to old, too many body aches and pains, or just a big chicken.  But maybe....

After getting Lily we started the trip back home.  We headed down Highway 7 back towards Estes Park.  Many of you know about the High Park fire.  Now at over 46,000 acres, that is bigger than Washington D.C..  More than 1,200 personal fighting the fire.  I was so relieved to be out of the smoke area at camp.  No watering eyes, no head ache.  The smoke has been thick at our house and we are some 60 miles away from the fire.  Word has it that this fire has been reported on as far away as Europe.  Anyway, we got an interesting view of the fire from Highway 7.  Seems like no matter where we go, there it is.  This thing is massive, destructive and apparently a beast to fight.  After 4 days, still only 10% contained.  That means 90% out of control.  On our journey home, for the first time the orange flame were visible.  Ugly black billowing smoke with an orange under belly.  Pray for the fire fighters, this is a dangerous fire and the work they do is often thankless.  It is dirty, it is hot and it is physically taxing beyond what most of us could even imagine.



As for camp, Lily had a great time.  The only thing I ever ask of her is to do something that scares her every single day.  They have zip lines, high ropes courses, giant cable swings called the "gut chuck,"  they go on very long hikes...8 miles with a group of 10 year olds. Just the thought is scary to me.  They get launched from the "blob" in to an icy cold lake.  Take the ultimate slip and slide ride down a hill side into that same lake.  They play crazy games, explore Gods creation and learn about their chosen sport.  For Lily, that is tennis.  She was exhausted and energized all at the same time.

At the end of the week they give each kid what they call a "cq" or character quality award.  This year Lily got Leader and Encourager.  She had a great time bonding with her cabin mates and her counselors.  Funny thing, one counselors family adopted a boy from Russia a year ago.  There home date was April 13 of 2011 ours was April 13, 2012.  Another counselor went to Ukraine last summer on a mission trip...God has such a lovely way of bringing these little things together.

What I realize, after having our family so segmented this past winter...I hate it when we aren't all together.  Lily is so vibrant, so full of energy and life that the house was so oddly quiet while she was gone.  I didn't like it.  I like having my girls near me, even if they fight and bicker.

Next year, Daria and Lily will attend session one together.  Can't wait.

Daria will leave on Sunday afternoon for a wilderness camp specially designed for Ukrainian kids.  She isn't entirely thrilled about it, not sure what to expect.  And since I have never been, I don't have much help to offer her.  I do think it will be good for her, I also think she will enjoy it.

Life in the Degnan life just keeps on keepin on.  Emma is hobbling around in a big ugly black boot, stress fracture in her foot.  Annabelle has her nose buried in books a good portion of the time.  She did pull herself away long enough to head to the pool with some friends today.  Lily, well you already know what she has been up to.  Just add softball on to it, a season of only one loss.  Daria is glad to have Lily home, her play buddy is back.  The big girls are glad too.  They have been good sports but are about worn out of playing wii, ping pong, going for walks and to the pool.  Yesterday I asked Daria to come up with a name to call me.  Dangerous territory right?  Not really, she still has nothing to call me.  Not mom, not Tiffany, not "hey you with the blonde hair."

Beyond that, not much happening.  I am including some pictures of our summer to date.  A few road races, a few weddings and some general Degnan family fun.

Berthoud Habitat for Humanity 5k.  Lily finished 2nd in her division.  Emma won hers and finished as second overall female.  Daria was the 1st place female in the kids 1k.  Not bad for the Degnan's!

For me, a couple of observations.  After picking Lily up today, it was kind of a mad dash.  Had to be at her softball game by 5:30 and didn't leave Estes until 3:30.  But there was something about walking through the woods.  The smells, the huge pine trees surrounding me...I just wanted to stay there, soak it all up.  Yet when I got to the ball field, just walking through the grass, making my way to the bleachers again just soothed my soul.  I am constantly reminded of where I was and where God has brought me.  I still find myself relishing each and every experience.  I talk to folks, hear how hot it has been in Ukraine.  I can't quite get my head around it.  I can't imagine leaving Karen's apartment with anything less than a coat.  It was so cold there, in my head, it is always cold there.  Gods faithfulness is still astounding to me.  I am so thankful, so blessed!

Lily loving the swing at a rare wedding where we were guests and caterers.  Beautiful setting right on the river.

Showing some Ukrainian Pride n

I'm Back...

I'm Back...never left...but...

I had to look back to see when I posted last...Mother's Day.  That was nearly a month ago, wow!  A lot has happened since then.  I promise to spare you every little detail of Degnan life, just the highlights.  Or in reality, what I can remember of the past month.  It is a blur really.

But to start lets talk about the now.  Right now it is 10:30pm on a Thursday night and we are in the midst of a classic Colorado summer thunder storm and I love it.  I love the flash of light, the booming thunder and the pouring rain.  I love the sounds, the smells, the darkness of the sky.  Jamie, he hates lightening!  Sorry babe, secrets out.  Lightening starts and he heads straight the the safest place in the house...the basement.  Me, I love it.  I find myself standing at the front window watching, fascinated by how each blast seems better than the one before and being disappointed when things start to die down.  My dream is to have a house with a wrap around, covered porch with a metal roof.  That way I can sit under the shelter of the roof and hear the storm in stereo.

I know, you don't really care about how much enjoyment I get out of  a summer storm.  You just want to know what craziness is going on inside our house.  Well, honestly not that much.  School got out on the 24th of May.  We ended the year with a big party, lots of food, lots of water and lots of laughs.  This is a tradition for us in Berthoud.  It was also Daria's first exposure to a chaotic American water fight.  Have no fear...she jumped right in with both feet.  She loved the water balloons but her real weapon of choice was the mega water machine gun.  She went after anyone who moved without fear or caution.  In the process she got her first American sunburn.  I am such a bad mom, why can't I remember sunscreen?  It was even in my car.

Since then the community pool has opened and between Emma and Jamie, the two little ones have been frequent visitors.  It is nice to have that as an option, a way to break up the day.  Besides the pool, they decided that it was a good idea to set up the sprinkler under the trampoline and then lather up the tramp with a bunch of soap.  It seemed like a good idea until the next day when both of them ended up with a nasty rash all over their legs.  The mom in me hated the whole soap & water thing...seemed like an emergency room visit waiting to happen.  I have to admit, while I felt bad for the itchy red legs, I was relieved to get an easy way out of the whole soapy tramp thing.

The girls (all of them) have rediscovered the wii.  What a funny and sometimes frustrating thing to observe.  They all have their own "signature" so to speak, the way they play the game.  Daria plays it safe just to preserve the number of "lives" she has.  This is an annoyance to the other girls.  With Mario, it is a team effort.  It is funny to hear them say things like, "don't push me" or "don't go into a bubble."  Most of the time it all works out, but things have gotten a bit tense from time to time.

About a week ago Daria discovered America's Funniest Home Videos on netflix.  If you really think about it from an "outside the USA" standpoint, we (American) really look stupid.  She thinks it is hilarious, which makes it funnier for all of us.  She has also been bombarded with "Four Wedding," "Say Yes to the Dress," "Challenge," and "Chopped."  Throw in a few Disney regulars and she is becoming an American girl before our eyes.  She is so in a house full of girls.  She is not a girlie girl, but Emma is determined to change that.  She keeps trying to paint her nails...Daria's response, "no, I don't like."  Today, Lily tried to get her to put a hair band in her hair, no go.  It wasn't even a real hair band that you might think of.  It was one of the hair bands that girls put around their head after their hair is in a pony, just to keep fly-aways back.  No way, no how.  But she did ask for a dress the other day.

Lily has been super busy playing softball.  Which surprisingly, the whole family has gotten in the act.  Her team is really good this year, they have only lost one game and are guaranteed a spot in the tournament.  Daria has shocked me at how quickly she has picked up the game.  She has a better understanding than a lot of American born and bread adults have.  Even more than going to Lily's games, she likes going to Jamie's.  He takes her to the batting cages before the game and then she sits and watches his whole game.  It has become their little time together.  That and helping him in the prep kitchen doing work for events.  She even helped serve at church last night.

As for the other girls, we do still have three others.  They continue to wow me and inspire me.  Annabelle is our "go to girl."  She is trying to earn money for a trip to Italy next summer with a school group.  So she agreed to be the babysitter designate.  She watches the "children," her words not mine, when we have weddings.  In addition to that she is also helping with set up of events whenever possible.  This babysitting thing is no easy task, you try watching two 10 year olds.  Feeding them, making sure they are brushing their teeth, getting them to bed.  No easy task.  She has a little money in savings but is determined not to tap into her savings, she wants to earn her way.  That's my girl.  Still haven't gotten her back into the gym, she keeps reminding me that the "guns" have faded.

Emma has been busy running the race circuit.  She ran the Bolder Boulder in her fasted time ever with a time of 44:42 for a 10k.  That is a 7:11 mile pace.  She finished 7th in her age division of 16 year old females out of 345...her gender finish was 241 out of 25,155.  That was on Memorial Day, just 6 days later she ran the Berthoud Habitat for Humanity 5k.  She was the number 2 overall female finisher, first in her division but a little ticked off that the only female that beat her was an incoming freshman.  Now she is sporting a lovely big, black boat on her right foot...the reason, a stress fracture to her foot.  Looks like no running for her for a while.

At the Berthoud Habitat race, Daria ran the kids 1k fun run.  For the record, she won for the girls.  Lily ran the 5k, second place in her division.  Daria was a bit miffed that all she got for winning was a silly, tiny little rubber duck while Lily go an actual metal.  Emma came through in true Emma fashion and gave Daria her metal.  The end result, 2 first place divisional finishes, one second place divisional, one second place gender overall finish.  Not a bad showing for the Degnan clan.

Lily, little Lily!  Really she is little, according to her doctor visit this week she is all of 4 ft 4 in and a whopping 60lbs at 10 years of age.  But let me tell you, that little thing can smack that softball.  She has hit for several stand up doubles and is a regular on base batter.  Today I dropped her off at camp, Camp Timberline.  A mountain sport adventure camp at the base of Longs Peak, just outside of Estes Park.  She gets to spend the next 6 nights in the Rocky Mountains and she couldn't have been any more excited.

As for how the adjustment is going, really I would have to give it a B+.  Things are going so much better than I had prepared myself for.  Daria is truly fluent with English.  We haven't used google translate in weeks.  She and Lily have definitely had some ups and downs.  Last weekend we nearly had our first physical confrontation.  But both of them showed great self control.  Daria is definitely a control freak, has to be first, fasted, loudest.  When on a hike, she must lead.  When getting in car, she must get in first.  Riding bikes, she must be faster.  Going for a family walk, she can not walk with the family...always out front.  This kinda drives Lily crazy but it is a good opportunity to remind her what orphanage life was like for Daria.  If you aren't first you might not get anything.

To date, Daria is still not calling me anything.  A few days ago we were at one of Lily's softball games, Daria wanted to play in the park.  I told her that she needed to ask either using my name or mom and if she couldn't do that she would have to sit in the van.  She reached for the van door when I asked her, "would you really rather sit in the van than ask me by name?"  She hesitated, then asked "Tiffany, may I...."  She will refer to me as mom when talking with the girls, but never, never to my face or even in ear shot.  That's ok, with her "mom" is an earned title.

She seems to adore and idolize both Annabelle and Emma.  She hugs and hangs on Annabelle, our "don't touch me girl."  Makes me smile every time.  Each hug chips away at that tough shield she has.  She seems to identify with Annabelle's sense of fashion.  With Emma, totally different relationship.  I think Emma might be the best one with her, she teaches her stuff all the time.  Yesterday it was states, she rattled off over 15 states, pointing to them on a map before bed.  Ticked Lily off, "she knows more states than me."  And off to bed she stomped.   Emma is also good at managing B.O.B (bad orphan behavior).  She is patient, clear and compassionate.

She has met most of the Colorado family by now.  She has a couple of crazy uncles, some cousins, one grandma to go.  She loves the cowboy papa, such a new concept that is.  She met the little cousins and got a kick out of them.  It was way cute watching her hold her baby cousin, Rory.  Too, too cute.

Beyond all of that, she has been to the zoo, a hike in the Rockies, Walmart, an adventure in itself.  Church, a wedding, the doctor, a high school graduation, a major 10k race with some 50,000 runners, a small town parade where there are nearly as many people in the parade as watching it.  Eating off of the ice cream truck, thrown water balloons and shot water guns.  She has eaten taco's, bbq and more than a few America hamburgers.  French fries with mayo, spaghetti with mayo, taco's with mayo and grilled chicken with mayo...she likes mayo.  She has played softball, thrown a football, a baseball, a frisbee.  Rode a bike and a scooter.  Played with sidewalk chalk, bubbles and believe it or not, even an American Girl doll.

As for the parents of these amazing girls, well we are blessed.  We have 7 weddings under our belt for the 2012 wedding season...with over 20 more to go.  I love my catering crew, each of them, they bless me, energize me and entertain me.  I went back to work at the cafe, if you can call it that, this week.  I will be working about 10 hours a week at the Lighthouse Cafe.  What a crazy experience that was, going back to work.  Everything has changed, except the people.  That is what I have missed, the people!  The obvious, Hollis, Stacy, Becky, Suzie, Melody, Brenda, Mark, Steve and all the staff at Grace Place.  Then there are the customers, Harry, John, chief, the fire guys...it was the first time I have seen some of them in over 4 months.  It was nice, very, very nice.  I am truly a social being and I love the energy, the environment.

Jamie has been working like crazy, between his "paying" job at Meals on Wheels and catering for Origins he doesn't have a lot of time left.  But he has managed to do a couple meals for Celebrate Recovery and play softball once a week.  He too, ran the Bolder Boulder and finished in under one hour.  Not bad for an "older" guy.  Easy for me to say as I sat on the bleachers and cheered on the finishers.

Well, the storm is over and it is way, way past my bedtime.  I have to say, this post is for a few of you, you know who you are...Deb in Arizona and Dawn in New Zealand.  Your protests of my absence have not gone unnoticed.  A little birdie tells me that Deb is coming for a visit this summer.  How many years has it been?  There are others who have hinted at my absences.  I knew it would be difficult to keep it up once I was home.  Honestly, I feel like I don't have a lot to share and I don't want to bore you all.  But I will try to share a bit more frequently.  We have weekly outings planned to the museum, Elitch's (amusement park), water world, mountain climbing and camping.  How could there not be an entertaining story or two in all of that.

Before I go, I have to say....I has been two months now since I got home.  So much has happened, we have been so busy.  Yet, it never escapes my notice that I have yet to reach the time home that equals the time away.  While the time away seems like a distant far away place it is still ever present in my being.  It has deeply shaped me, left a lasting impression on my soul.  Some folks have shared the Foot Print in the Sand poem with me, to be honest, while I know that God carried me he also forced me, and I do me FORCED me to walk every step of the Ukrainian journey.  I couldn't have made it without him, but He had a requirement of me...walk, keep walking and when you feel like stopping, walk some more.  He never left me, He helped me but He did not fully carry me.  He required me strap on the boots and follow him.  I did, and oh how thankful I am.

Thats all!

Mothers Day

Well it is Mothers Day 2012 and to be completely honest, I have felt like it has been my Mothers Day for the past 4 weeks.  Ever since my feet hit U.S. soil and we Degnan's were reunited as a complete family, a family of 6...it has been Mothers Day.  I continue to stand in awe of where I was and where I have come. Full circle is complete...

Today I couldn't help but think about the amazing women that have filled my life.  Two strong and determined grandmothers, one who is still living at the age of 93 and the other who lived to, I believe 89 years of age.  Both a bit bull headed, both a bit stubborn, both with strong personalities, both with strong convictions, both raised amazing kids who became my parents.  Who both, not so ironically, share many personality traits with their parents.   Luckily that jean pool has been a bit diluted through the generations....lucky for me, no bull headedness here!!!  Well, maybe there is hope for my girls anyway.  Seriously, my Nana and Grangran both contribute, directly and indirectly to the woman and mom I am today.  Their unique quirks and all...

I think most of us, at least by the time we are parents, have a great appreciation for our moms.  Even if there are things that we do differently.  Even if there are hurts or disappointments, we have grown up and now understand that this being a mommy thing is much harder that we originally thought.  We come to understand that while they may not have been perfect, they were perfect for us.  Because if it weren't for them, we wouldn't be who we are today.  I am no different, my mom wasn't perfect...I am not perfect.  The truth is, most of us who call ourselves mom are simply trying to do our best.  To show love, courage, conviction, to guide, to discipline, to be a positive role model, someone that our kids may one day, want to be like.  Trust me, I goof it up regularly.  I get grumpy, short tempered, annoyed, and often feel inconvenienced.  But the truth is, parenting is usually inconvenient.  Truth is, parenting isn't about me, it is about them.  It is an honor, a privilege and a huge responsibility, one I don't take lightly.  

My mom...Ann, well she is a great mom.  Perfect, again no, but absolutely perfect for me.  She has modeled what courage and character are.  No parent should ever have to bury a child, I saw my mom do just that.  I have often reflected on the fact that as hard as it was for me to lose my sister, it was harder yet watching my mom and dad lose a daughter.  But through the heart break, the sadness and the gut-wrenching sorrow, my mom was a pillar.  A constant inspiration of faith in the face of tragedy.  She has faced more than her fair share of heartache and hardship, yet she has never wavered in her faith.  She modeled commitment, compassion and conviction.  For that, I am grateful.  But not just for that, she has given sacrificially and loved unconditionally.  Thanks Mommy!

Bobbi Sue...my big sister!  Who in 1995 died after a short but courageous battle with Leukemia.  Bobbi, I have always look up to her.  She was hell on wheels as a teenager.  You name it, she did it.  I was the shy, quiet (I know, those of you who know me now could never imagine), fearful little sister.  I was constantly amazed at her outgoing personality.  To me it seemed everyone knew Bobbi, everyone loved Bobbi.  She was brave, even before she got sick...it always seemed nothing scared her.  To me, she was the most beautiful girl around.  We were 4 years apart in age and I really was the "little sister."  We couldn't walk anywhere without her getting at least one whistle from some random guy passing by.  It annoyed me really, now it makes me smile just remembering.  My friends would come over and it seemed they were constantly saying "wow, your sister is so pretty."  And she was pretty, gorgeous really.  Her features were the opposite of mine, she had big brown eyes, olive skin.  Her hair was darker and she could actually get a tan.  Ironically, as adults we were the same size yet she always appeared taller and thinner than me.  She had legs, not my little stubby things.  But what I really remember my sister for is the wife and mom that she was.  She loved her family, loved being a wife, loved being a mom.  She was so very proud of her family and poured every bit of her being into them.  Two boys, Tony and Jeff and one little girl, Ginna.  All of whom she would have given everything for...she did just that really.  She fought, she fought hard, with great courage, great conviction and great character.  Tony, Jeff and Ginna, if you know nothing else...know you were loved, you were wanted and you were your moms whole world.  

I had the privilege of living with Bobbi and her husband Bob and the kids for about a year.  Looking back, that year was THE year of the greatest character growth in my life.  I got to participate in a functioning, while not perfect, family.  I got to see the give and take, the sacrifice and the compromise that it takes to make a family work and succeed.  I learned some things not to do, but even more I learned a lot of thing TO do.  I got to be with my sister and her kids, they were so cute....what happened to you guys?  You are all grown up, two of you with kids of your own.  Each of you with your own special gifts, each of you with your own little stamp from your mom.  Wow...what a blessing!

I consider myself blessed, there have been many, many ladies in my life who have poured into me.  Who have modeled what it means to be a wife and a mom.  Some of you consistently over the years, some of you have just entered my life in the past few months.  My hope is that I can offer to other ladies, what each of you has offered to me.  That I could be a role model, someone that can be trusted.  That I might be there for others the way so many have been there for me.  That my experiences, my struggles, my victories could be used to inspire and encourage others.  Ultimately, I pray that my experiences, my struggles and my victories will inspire my girls.  Show them what the possibilities are, show them that they are courageous, they are strong and that they do have a God who loves them even more than there Mom could ever love them.  

What a privilege, what an honor, what a responsibility it is, this Mommy thing.  And how blessed am I! 

I love Mothers Day, not because it is about me, the opposite really.  It makes me realize how blessed I am.  Even more so this year.  I am so blessed to have all these girls, each one of them and their unique personalities.  The girls went shopping together, they had to get a charm for my bracelet that would include Daria's birth stone, now it is complete!  They gave me sweet cards and Daria was the first to hand me a card and wish me a happy mothers day.  She still won't call me mom, or anything else for that matter, but the sentiment was there.  It was cute, it was sweet.  We ended the day with a nice little family walk around the lake.  This doesn't happen often, I will take it when I can get it.  We skipped rocks, played at the play ground and even spotted a huge owl in a tree.  Just look at an owl if you ever wonder about God, his creativity, his sense of humor.  The owl is kind of a freaky creature, beautiful but freaky. 

Today I decided that we should go out to lunch.  I haven't had any mexican food in months...literally.  I knew this would be a stretch for Daria, especially given her "sour cream" tacos of a few weeks ago.  But it was what I really wanted, I figured if worse came to worse she could eat a cheese quesadilla.  Luckily, they had hamburgers.  She still likes the American hamburger...as long as we can get lots, and I do mean lots of mayo for her french fries.  My burrito, well it was a steak burrito stuffed with a cheese enchilada, it was spicy, it was yummy and it was worth every single calorie.  Tonight, Emma made crepes...yum!  

We have tried to call her Grandma a few times and have not ever gotten an answer.  So today before church we tried again.  This time the phone rang several times and then, an answer.  However, it wasn't the answer we were hoping for.  Her mom answered, then her mom shared the news that grandma had passed away...I could hardly believe it.  Really, if only she could have talked to her once.  It left me feeling heartbroken.  Wondering if grandma died of a broken heart, did she know that Daria had made it here safe?  Did she know that she was ok, that she was loved, that she was cared for?  We saw our first hint of emotion, a hint of a tear, a hint of sadness.  All I could do was hug her, tell her how much her grandma loved her and that I am here for her.  She hugged me back and just looked into my eyes.  I so wish I could have understood what her mom said to her, how she broke the news.  I do know that it seemed matter-of-fact.  It was a short conversation.  

Grandma died on May 5, just one day after Jamie's dad.  Really with the time difference, it might have been at nearly the same time.  Interesting really, I told you all how Daria comforted Jamie when she heard the news of his dad.  All day long, I kept going back to that final goodbye.  I knew at that moment that this little grandma would never see her grand-daughter again.  I had no idea that her death would come so soon.  The image of her waving out the window will never leave my mind, it is forever imprinted.   I am so very grateful that we went and said goodbye.  It was obvious that this frail little lady loved her grand-daughter.  

Now...on the lighter side!  Saturday was the Run for Orphans 5k in Loveland.  Jamie and I took the two little girls out bright and early in the morning.  My plan was to walk the race, but somehow I got bunched up with the runners at the start.  When the gun sounded, everyone around my started running...what was I gonna do, walk?  So I figured I could at least start at a nice light jog.  Before long I realized that a good stretch of the course was down hill.  Anybody can run downhill right.  So I figured I would just jog as long as I could and surely by then others around me would start to walk...not so much.  They all kept running, I didn't want to feel like a loser so I kept running too.  Good news, while I did have to walk a short distance (you should always know that if a race starts downhill...it ends uphill) I did run 99% of the course.  The bad news, today I am SO, SO, SO sore.  In fact, I have gotten more sore as the day has gone on, despite going for a good walk tonight in an attempt to "keep things loose."  Jamie was the first family finisher, followed by Lily who ran her second 5k in 7 days and finished super strong and never walked a single step.  Then came me at 32:55, not bad for my first EVER 5k and with no training.  Daria stole the show though, she stole the Ukraine flag from our friend Chris Green at about the one mile mark and never let go.  She and Chris finished together, he painted as a flag, Daria caring her homeland flag proudly. It was a bit of Degnan initiation so to speak, there was a kids fun run...but of course we wouldn't let the girls run that, they had to do the 5k...go big or go home right?  They did great and made us super proud.  Me, I am a little worried as to if I will be able to get out of bed tomorrow.  

Daria will be the first to tell you that she doesn't like the long runs, but put her in a 200 or 400 meter run and watch out.  She finished 2nd in the Ivy Stockwell field day 400m on Friday.  She would have finished 1st but kinda took the corners a bit wide and got passed.  She is a speedy little thing on the sprints.  She had a blast at her first field day, despite the cold and rainy weather.  It was pretty cool to watch her take it all in and jump right in, basketball, hoola-hoops, mush ball (a version of softball), hurdles, balloon toss and an obstacle course.  American fun at its finest. 

The two weeks ahead are already full of end of year activities.  Emma will be competing in the State Championship track meet.  She and the other Berthoud girls are defending state champions.  Jamie and I will be sharing part of our story of the past 3 months at church.  Annabelle is working hard to finish up all of her final projects of her middle school career and getting ready for her 8th grade formal and POL presentation.  Lily has more softball games, and is getting ready pitch.  Daria is just soaking it all in.  We have several friends who have kids graduating on the 26th.  We have end of the year and graduation parties.  My mom comes home this week and will get to meet the newest member of the family.  

What I am relishing in right now is the fact that I am present.  Having 4 kids, it is impossible to make it to every activity, every function.  But what is real, what I do love beyond words is that I have made it to almost everything.  I have taken lunch to Annabelle, made it to field trips and field days.  Seen track meets and softball games, dropped kids off at birthday parties and even picked them up.  I have shopped with them, eaten with them, laughed with them and even been the butt of a few of their jokes and I don't even mind.  

Tomorrow, laundry, lots and lots of laundry....Oh, a mothers day!

Country Road, Take Me Home

Last night I spent an hour writing my latest update.  I finished what I thought was a great entry and went to drop pictures in, and poof...it was gone.  All of it, gone just like that.  I was sad, but I decided it just meant that it was bed time.  So now I try again, hopefully this one will be just as good as yesterdays.  Your gonna have to trust me, it was good, really good.

Anyway, you may remember that during my little sabbatical to Germany I was wandering through a lovely, crowded and very interesting market...all the fresh veggies, meats, cheeses, breads, beer and wine you could imagine.  As I came around the last corner, headed for the door, a cover band started up.  It stopped me cold in my tracks...why?  They were playing Country Road by John Denver.  It was in English, some of the first music I had heard in months that I could understand.  It was by a musician from my old stomping grounds of Aspen.  And the symbolism of the song was overwhelming.  At that moment in time, I wanted nothing more than for that Country Road...I wanted it to take me home, the place where I belong.

I retell that story because yesterday, both Jamie and I found our selves taking that road home...each to our own home town.  Both for very different reason, but ironically both doing it on the exact same day.  He went back to North Port, New York to celebrate and honor his dad who passed away last week.  Me, well back to Estes Park, Colorado with the little girls for a field trip to MacGregor Ranch.  When Jamie goes home, the ocean is always calling him.  When he sees it, smells it, that is when he knows he is home.  For me, the moment I come up over that hill, see the lake, the town and the amazing Rocky Mountains, thats when I know I am home.  All these years, that view still moves me.  Still brings that peace, still makes me smile...that is what home does!

Before I go any further I have to say how blessed I was to have James Degnan as my father-in-law.  He was always kind, generous and sincere.  I liked to refer to him as daddy Degnan, to my girls he was grandpa Jim.  Being the western girl I am, I loved asking him questions about life growing up in New York.  Trying to understand what it must have been like living in the city, this depression era man, son of an Irish dad and Czech mom.  Even though he seldom got around to actually answering my question, I always learned so much more than I was really asking.  He loved to talk and I am pretty sure he never met a stranger.  I remember him smoking the cigars on the front porch with the boys.  Talking baseball with any one who would listen.  He loved food, knew the current price of nearly any given produce item and probably knew the pulse of the stock market better than many brokers.  He was a good man!  He will be missed, by me, by his kids and by his grandkids.  Thanks daddy Degnan:)

I wanted to go with Jamie, but for many reasons it just didn't make sense.  We have the obvious...family, finances and time.  Having been away for 10 weeks out first 18 weeks of 2012, missing so, so much was just part of it.  I have to consider Daria, here is a little girls who is used people leaving her.  I don't want her to think I am just another one of those people.  This time we are having right now, it is important and we will never get a second chance at our start with her.  We all get the financial part of life, travel costs money and after all the money spent on travel, there just isn't anything left.  Not that finances made this decision, they didn't...but I would be lying if I said it didn't contribute.  So, Jamie went, just as he should and I stayed, just as I should.

Our little field trip to the mountains, it was a lovely day.  A nearly perfect day in Estes Park, even no wind.  This was Daria's first trip into the mountains and while she has seen mountains before, never anything like this.  And to top it off, she got to see an actual working ranch.  It doesn't get much more Colorado than that.  She saw an eagle and a hummingbird, road in a wagon, got to milk a cow...well, a fake cow that is.  She toured a pioneer house, saw a real western saddle.  Top that off with a real american school bus ride...Wow!  It was pretty cool on my end to get to experience it through her eyes.  Just a little fyi, she still is charging ahead of the crowd, on everything.  We have actually seen the danger of this habit, more about that later.

We are seeing more and more personality come out.  We are seeing more and more tension, particularly between her and Lily.  They are working through it.  I have to remind Lily often, "remember where she came from."  Sometimes Lily just doesn't get it that Daria just doesn't get it.  She doesn't understand family dynamics, how a family operates.  That you just can't expect a given family member to just stop everything they are doing to go play.  The big girls try to be patient, explain that they are doing homework and can't go.....right now.  Usually the answer is ok, ok, ok...only to move right on to the next person.

The competitiveness is shining through, and that applies to both Daria and Lily.  Neither of them wants to let the other beat them at anything.  While we have tried to teach the rules of the road when it comes to the bike, she often is oblivious to the fact that there is anything else around, like cars...the other day I went out front and found her riding her bike in circles in the street.  Before I knew it, I truck had come along...she just kept on going, circle, circle, circle until I had to shout to get her attention that there was a truck there.  Of course she immediately moved, but she just doesn't really think to look around.  Later the same day she and Lily went for a longer ride, next thing I know Lily comes running in the house in tears, hysterical really.  "I am never riding my bike again."  I ask why, she says because she almost got hit by a car.  Moments later the neighbor was at the door, obviously shaken up, telling me just how close it was...so close the drive wasn't certain that he hadn't hit her.  This is where Daria's charge ahead nature can get her, and in this case Lily who decided to follow right along, in trouble.  Daria was just far enough ahead, because it is always a race, that she cleared the path.  Lily not so much.  I am hoping that a couple of lessons were learned here.  First, don't follow blindly.  Second, stop where the bike path meets the street.  Third, not everything has to be a race.  Good news is, God is good and everyone is ok.

Listening is a big one.  Like most kids she seems to have perfected the art of selective hearing.  Her English is so good, it does her little good to play dumb and act like she doesn't understand me.  Usually, that is just a ploy.  Still can't get her to call me anything...I am getting a little more resolve in not answering until she addresses me by name.

The girls, Daria included continue to amaze me.  Really, all in all, they are doing great.  This isn't easy what they are doing.  Here Daria is trying to find her spot in the family, make this house feel like home.  On the other hand we have these three girls who already know which button to push on which sister to get the desired result.  But they have been kind, gentle and (most of the time) patient.  They have helped with homework, explained words, looked at pictures, played countless games outside.

Today I was thinking that each of us, while we are feeling like things are moving in a very positive direction, there is still some mourning going on.  Each of has different things that we are mourning.  The three are mourning the loss of the family as it was, space has been infringed on, time has been infringed on.  Daria has to be mourning so many things, everything that was normal is gone.  She has no single blood relative within 6000 miles.  Her native language is rarely heard.  The food is all different, the smells too.  For Jamie and I we mourn certain things too, anytime you disrupt what is normal, make a huge life change, you are going to loose certain things.  But those things that are lost are replaced each time we build a new memory or share an experience for the first time.  I think I can say for all of us, that we would do it again.  Figuratively of course...we have no plans to do this again.

In addition to yesterday being the day both Jamie and I went home, it was also 3 months to the day of our 1st SDA appointment.  Boy has life changed since then...in so many ways.  When we arrived in Kiev, the temperature hung right around the -23 degree mark for days...weeks actually.  Now I am home sporting some pretty ridiculous tan lines.  A variation of a farmers tan, I call it the track runners mom tan.  Kind of burnt more on the right side than the left and then there is the tops of my knees and the flip flop marks on the tops of my feet...pictures wouldn't do it justice, just embarrass me and my kids.

We have jumped back into the catering mode with our first two weddings of the year last weekend.  It felt good to get back into it, even though I must admit I was a bit rusty.  This weekend we have a big event, no wedding but we are catering for two families who's sons are being ordained as Catholic priests.  Honestly, never been to an ordination before.  But I love it when we get to do something different.  Should be fun.  Then we have one weekend off before the craziness of memorial day weekend where we have two weddings, graduation with all the parties we need to attend and the BolderBoulder.

Emma ran her first BolderBoulder when she was 11 and has finished in the top 20 of her age group every year.  This year her dad will run it with her again, well not really with her.  She will start in the 6th wave, he in the 21st wave.  So really, they will drive to the start together and then Emma will wait for him at the finish.  Last year her mile pace was right at 2 minutes per mile faster than his.  I suppose I should shut up, he is running while I go sit on my butt in Folsom field and wait for them to finish.

Last weekend Lily ran her first 5k and did great finishing in second place for her age group.  She will run her next 5k this weekend and then another the first Saturday of June.  Other than that, she is still busy with music and softball where she is hoping to be a pitcher this year.

Annabelle has been busy baking, tonight it was coke cupcakes and margarita cupcakes.  Both were yummy.  Tomorrow we have to frost them so that they are ready for a birthday party on Friday night.  That kid can cook, now if I could just get her to clean up after herself...like mother, like daughter!  She is busy with all of her end of year projects which will include her POL presentation.  That has her a bit stressed but her attitude has been great about it.  Daria is one of her "examples" of people or items that have been significant in her middle school career.

Emma has her conference track meet tomorrow and then state next weekend.  She is trying to finish up a project that documents our adoption experience and journey.  It will include a video interview with Jamie and I, lots of pictures and statistics.   It is cool to see how the kids are using this experience in school and I can't wait to see how it impact others.

Daria is still busy riding the bike and taking the dog for walks.  We want to get her involved in some activities of her own this summer.  She says she has played golf and likes it.  Another thought was martial arts.  Next fall maybe we will venture into the world of team sports with soccer.

I had an observation today.  Daria was running around the house, literally.  The entire time she was talking to the cat and every word was English.  I have not once heard her revert to Russian.  When I was in Ukraine and I was trying to communicate, I would find myself trying to use more simple words but they were always English, never Russian.  I was impressed by this.   She is still happy and smiling and generally settling in.

A couple of other sweet bonding moments happened over the past week.  Daria and Lily were both with me when Jamie told me that his dad had died.  Lily immediately started cry and went straight to her dad.  Daria stood there for about 3 seconds before she too went to hug daddy.  It was genuine and sweet.  Then on Saturday morning, Lily left early to go run her race and I was being lazy just lying in bed.  Before long there was  a little knock at the door and in popped Daria.  She came straight over to the bed and climbed in.  She didn't stay long but the fact that she was willing to climb in did not go unnoticed.  She has only been in our room maybe 5 times in the few short weeks she has been here.

So this week was the week of going home.  A sweet man going home to be with Jesus.  Both my husband and I taking our own trip back down that Country Road...I can't speak for him, but for me it was a sweet journey.  Refreshing to my soul.  A road I will never tire of traveling.