Today I took my power back. What does that mean? Well, as I mentioned before, while Jamie was here I relied on him to take care of managing day to day life. And if I can be honest once again, that in and of its self is shift. Normally at home, I am the "go to." I know everyones schedule (including Jamie's), I take care of the finances, the shopping, most cooking, getting them mail...you know life. But here, the whole transition was so overwhelming and my mind was so flooded that I passed on the money, the shopping, the cooking and most of the communicating to him. But today, NO! And even better yet, I found some beauty along the way.
We were walking to the orphanage today and we were thrilled to go outside and find bright blue skies and a relatively warm day. And trust me, it is all relative. Upon arriving there were a few girls hanging out near the gate, and since we have become a familiar novelty for the kids, the giggles started right up. As we rounded the corner, I see her playing in the yard. She gave a very enthusiastic wave and came straight to us. I am starting to loosen up and be less rigid, I give her a big hug that is definitely returned. We ask her if she would like to stay outside or go inside, she says (in normal fashion) I don't know. Then we see the inspector and greet her. She moves on and then the director shows up. We follow her inside and say our greeting she asked where Jamie was and we explain that he had to take Lily home to get back to school. Then we ask if we might be able to take her off the property for some lunch. She was very gracious and agrees and give the parameters of how far we could go.
Off we went for our first off property excursion. She led the way through some back alleys so to speak, the short cut to the pizza place. Along the way we start a lovely little conversation by asking how often she is allowed off the grounds. She tells us that she is allowed to leave if her grandma gives her money as a gift, she can go to the market for a treat. I take this as an opening and ask about how often she sees her grandma. She said, "not in a long time, she is old and ill." But my brother visits. Again, opportunity. I ask, "how old is your brother?' I learned he is 22 and lives with grandma, he has a job but she doesn't know doing what. I ask when he last visited, to my surprise it was March 8. Wow, really? Still I press on, "does he know about us?" "Yes," well "what does he think about you leaving?" She says, "he thinks it's a good idea." A deep breath and a sigh of relief. I press in a bit more and ask if she has always lived in the area. She said, yes in Nikopol since she was 4 and before that in a village very near. She seems open to the direction of the conversation so I keep up by asking if she had any other family. She told me that she has another grandma in another village. I ask about any grandpa and learn that there is a grandpa only with grandma in the village. Never any mention of mom so we still don't know anything there. But I went on to ask about what brought her to the orphanage and she indicated that she doesn't know but that she was living with grandma before the orphanage. So I don't know for how long or if it had been kind of a long term or even forever situation. I did mention that we should make sure that we have her brothers address and email address so that she could stay in touch. She said that she knew his address. At this, I move on.
We had a nice leisurely lunch that included a lot of dialog about different words in English vs. Russian. I wrote down the family, member by member and their title...Emma, sister, Annabelle, sister, all the way to the dog and cat. The we talked about the words we are going to need to get by initially, hungry, thirsty, tired...and then had some fun using the English to Russian dictionary to talk about different trees, things like a sidewalk, window. She knows a good number of English words and I think I mentioned that she can read English even though she has no idea what she is saying. Great skills at sounding out words.
When it was time to leave we had to get a box for our left over pizza (which they make you pay for here) and she wanted to be very helpful in getting the pizza in the box. She wanted to take it back and share it with her friends, which I was happy to do because I am tired of pizza. Not to mention it is a nice treat for her friends and makes them feel special too. When we dropped her off we didn't linger, trying to maintain some routine and structure. We did pop back in to see the director to talk with her about tomorrow. We were hopeful to get to take her bowling but the bowling alley was to far away so we are welcome to take her out as long as we don't go any further than we went today. No problem, I just love leaving the property, totally changes the dynamic. The director has been quite warm and kind toward us and I consider that a huge blessing.
As we were leaving, there were hugs all around and a kiss to her forehead. As she was backing away, I blew her a kiss and she returned it with a shy little smile. Then off up the stairs she went. It was a good visit. I learned more about her and the interaction felt a little more natural today.
After the visit there were several errands that need to be done. So we ventured back to the shopping area via a new route, one which took us through what in America we would call an apartment complex. We stumbled upon a large common ground area with all these little, and I do mean little, rooftops all right at ground level. I ask Sasha what they are and she has no idea. Off to the side stood a lovely, kind looking elderly woman with a big smile on her face. So Sasha asks her what they are. We learn the are root cellars and I joke that it is the Ukrainian version of a community garden. She tells us that they are for the people living in the apartments to keep there potatoes, onion and such in. She gladly lifts the roof and sure enough. But I was shocked at how deep it was, I didn't go down but the ladder was long. It was hard to imagine this little old lady making her way down that ladder and back up with her vegetables.
In town I was looking for a back pack because carrying everything in a shoulder bag was killing my neck and back. We needed to stop at the pharmacy to get a couple of things, I needed more make-up from the cosmetic store and I wanted to go to a toy store to get a bead set to have a craft we could do together and then to add money to my phone. All were accomplished without any problem. That was huge for me, I was able to find (with the help of Sasha) everything I needed, I was able to manage the money to pay for them. Empowering! A feel of normalcy, every girl like to shop...right! Then to top it off we decided to find a different route home. Again, it is all about becoming comfortable with your surroundings and taking charge. Good news is, we made it home without issue.
Tonight I decided it was time I actually cook and for the first time in a week I was actually hungry. So I got dinner started but had to step aside to do some chatting with my sweet friend Monique back home. She breathed more new energy and life into me and helped me feel more stable and secure, oh, and normal. I got several unbelievably timely messages from friends at home, each of which completely confirmed some of the things I was trying to accomplish. Thank you ladies, you know who you are.
I have done a relatively good job avoiding too much computer time and had fun chatting over diner and talking about this word or that in Russian vs. English. Some were pretty funny.
Right now Jamie and Lily are about 2 hours from landing in Denver. While I am so happy for them, I am sad for me. My family will be having a reunion without me. My day is coming. Today Emma had her first track meet of the season, obviously I am missing that too. Lily goes back to school on Monday as does Jamie to work. They settle back into life in Colorado, I settle into life in Ukraine.
Tuesday is the day I am looking forward too. The facilitator comes back to take the paperwork to the next level as it gets sent back to the SDA for their approval. That is the next milestone, once we have that we can start all the other planning and really figure out the time line. That will help tremendously as then I can see the finish line.
I have to admit, the anxiety is still very much with me. I can feel that my blood pressure is higher than normal. I am pretty sure that will stick around until my feet are firmly planted on US soil. But it seems to be subsiding just slightly each day. I am sure Tuesday will elevate it again, just waiting on information. I just pray we actually are able to get some real information.
My usual thank you to each of you for continually reminding me that you are all still out there, following along in my wilderness experience. It is truly a wild and crazy ride.
Blessing!
HOORAY!!! So many positives!!
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