Fight or Flight

Two posts in one day.  What is the reason?

Well, as you know we have been back in Kiev for 9 days.  Waiting out the system.  Today was the day that we were hopeful that we would get our long awaited 3rd appointment.  Or at the very least, find out when this appointment would be.  We honestly didn't expect to get our appointment today, but we thought tomorrow was a realistic option.

Anyway, we got the phone call this morning that our paperwork had finally made its way back to the office at the SDA which set the appointments.  BUT now follow this, we are the only family seeking an appointment this week so therefore they will not issue any appointments for the week.  So when will we have our appointment?  Monday at 10am.  Now here is the kicker, next week is a holiday here in Ukraine.  That means that everything will be closed next Thursday through Sunday.  Which means that actually obtaining our referral, traveling to meet our child, asking her if she would like to be part of our family, petitioning the SDA and the court will all need to happen by Wednesday or we will be sitting for yet another week.

So, in desperation I start begging the young lady responsible for the appointments.  No luck!  We go on to ask if there is anyway that we could also try to get our actual referral on Monday in light of the holiday.  She offered a little glimpse of compassion in saying that if the SDA directors authorizes it then yes.  We sign her book and she goes on her way.

I then ask our facilitator if there is anyone else who we can talk to.  She said she could call the director and explain the situation and see what can be done.  She makes the call and of course the director is out sick today.  But she tells us to call back in one hour, still hope.  We call back in one hour and the answer is still Monday, since the director is the only person who can over ride the "keeper of the appointments."  I told our facilitator that I would like her to call again tomorrow and see if the director is back and to please keep trying.  So we will keep fighting.

We haven't been around the adoption block before but I am pretty sure this is a new one to most all of you veterans.  Starting to wonder what we have done wrong that is causing this.  We have prayed, stood, fought, begged, appealed.  I don't know what else to do in order break through this process.  I know God has a plan, but can we please, please have a glimmer of hope that we will get through this process.

Anyway...we are now praying for our own little miracle of an appointment where there is no appointment.

So We Wait

The last couple of days I haven't been very inspired to write.  Not much going on and I don't want to just dribble on about nothing.  Funny really, when we are out and about I think of all kinds of things that I should write about.  The little quirks of the former Soviet society that is trying to work its way out of the socialist reign.  The realities of "city" life, something I know absolutely nothing about being the little Colorado mountain girl I am.  The frustrations of the language barrier, which is huge for me.  The sheer overwhelming nature of this experience and my inability to control anything in my life right now.  This is probably the area that I am learning the most about.  Yip, me the little control freak I am.

When you step out of your little cookie cutter life and venture into the world of international adoption, you better check your need to control your situation at the door.  Seriously!  I was thinking about the things in my world that I can actually control right now and beyond my basic existence, everything is outside my control.  I can't control the SDA (the branch of the Ukrainian government which oversees adoption).  I can't control what children they do or do not show us.  I can't control when we get to meet her.  I certainly can't control whether she will say yes to us or not.  I can't control what is going on at home, with my girls, my house.  Even controlling my bank account is somewhat out of my control, I had to put one of the girls on as a signer just to make sure everything could be paid.  I can't even really control the time in my day, some days I can.  But others are just waiting on this or that appointment, signature or authorization.  Today, it is waiting on a phone call to say if we get our appointment today or not.  I think the biggest obstacle for me is that I can't control the calendar.  I have tried to stop looking at it, it just makes me sad and frustrated.  Supposably so much is being done on our behalf, yet without our involvement.

What am I learning through this?  Well, that God's time is not my time, it is irrelevant to Him.  That God is writing a story and we are simply the tools to tell it.  That God loves me and He loves my girls at home and because He loves us, I can trust Him to take care of the details.  That God's plan is ALWAYS perfect.  Basically, to wait upon the Lord.  So I wait.  Bracing myself, desperately trying to convince myself not to be disappointed if we don't get our appointment today.  We will get it at the appointed hour that He has predetermined and He will have the exact child waiting for us at that time.  I am human though and I probably will be disappointed, but I will get over it.  What is one more day right.  Oh, I wish I had a dollar for every time I have said those words over the past 3+ weeks.

Anyway, I will tell you my funny story of the week.  I was running out of shampoo and conditioner so we stopped at the store to get some.  Obviously, I can't make heads or tails of the language so this was a crap shoot right.  I went on visual, at home with many brands the shampoo is in an "upright" bottle and the conditioner is in one that sits on its lid.  So I went with it, lets just say my hair was super clean after washing twice.  I got shampoo and shampoo.  Now I have to go back and figure out what conditioner is.  Don't tell me to look at the bottle and figure out the word for shampoo, neither of the bottles have a single word in common other than the brand name, Pantene!  I will let you know how it works out.  Someone said, "I hope that isn't an indicator of how long you are going to be here."  Me either!!!

I did get to join staff meeting back at Grace Place yesterday.  Oh how I love that amazing group of people.  What an encouragement they are.  And good for a laugh!  Thanks guys.  This morning we got to Skype with Grammy and Papa.  Familiar faces and voice are a sheer delight!

I love looking at the stats page on our blog, it breaks down where in the world people are following from. We have Indonesia, Australia/New Zealand, Canada, Germany, Ukraine and obviously the U.S.  Technology is cool and it is such a comfort to know that we have so much love and prayer from literally all over the world.  Thanks!!!

Yesterday we had a marathon of "Anne of Green Gables."  Lily had a bit of a stomach bug so it was good couch day.  Jamie made it through video number 1, then had to take himself on a walk.  He hates being cooped up with nothing productive to do.

Guess I better do something somewhat productive, laundry!  Those of you who know me know that of all domestic tasks, laundry is the one I like the least.  Let me tell you, there is a big difference between laundry for 3 and laundry for 5 (soon to be 6) guess I better enjoy it while it lasts.

Oh, and a very wise friend commented before we left that when she was in Ukraine, she was so tired of her clothes when she left that she left some of them behind.  I am so, so with you on that.

We are truly living Ground Hog Day.

I Got Nothin...

Howdy!

I don't have anything cleaver or even new to say but thought I should at least get word out that we are alive and well.  Still camping out in Kiev waiting official word on our next SDA appointment.  In the mean time we have tried to do a bit of the tourist stuff.

What that consists of is some shopping in a giant underground mall of sorts.  I have come to figure out that there is a whole other city, under the city.  I hope to not be here long enough to actually figure it all out.  We also went up to a palace with beautiful views of the city.  Walked past yet more spectacular architecture, back to Independence Square and a metro ride home.  Except I took us the wrong way on the metro, two stops the wrong way meant 4 stops back the other.  Today we made our way to two separate cathedrals.  One we went inside, very ornate and beautiful yet dark and sad.  We walked a bit through an area we hadn't made it to yet.  Then back home.  I think I will take up running when I get home, we walk so much here that it might just be the little kick start I need.

I am good for one outing a day.  I can't just sit here, waiting!  And for Jamie, all the idle time is killing him.  We have both been doing a lot of reading.  Now he is fighting a bit of a cold, praying Lily and I don't get it.  Jamie's big activity each day is to cook for all of us.  I haven't made a single meal since we arrived.

It snowed just a bit last night but it is supposed to be nice for the rest of the week, all the way into the mid 30's.  Can't wait.  If it makes you Colorado folks feel any better, it has been a bit breezy here as well.  Not the crazy wind that you have been having.

We saw our 1st real snow shovel today.  Not just a piece of plywood on a pole, but a real snow shovel.  Someone should work on importing snow shovels.

We have been trying to work any connection we can to get names and locations of any little girls who are registered and ready for adoption so that when we go back to the SDA we have some information of our own rather than just relying on their books.  We are really praying for clarity, that we will know when we see her, all of us, at the same time.

Hey, Bill & Karen...we found potato chips!  Real potato chips!  They were good:)

That is all for now, as soon as we know anything official we will pass it on.

Until then....

Keepin it Real

And keepin it short.

Today, for the second time in a week I actually contacted the travel agent to reserve tickets home.  Today, for the second time I didn't go through with it.  While we have found the Ukrainian people to be quite pleasant, we find their system for helping (or not) the orphans an absolute abomination.  Not nearly enough people here watching out for the true wellbeing of these children, it makes me sick!  Really, sick!

Todays blow was a call from out Facilitator who told us that our appointment wouldn't be on Monday, or Tuesday but if we are "lucky," a word they use way to much, maybe on Wednesday.  Which in reality means Thursday, or dare I say even Friday.  Realistically we won't even meet a child until the following Monday, which is 4 weeks after our arrival.  A time we had planned for Jamie to be headed home, back to the girls, back to work.  And that was with him actually staying in the country until court.  Now, we just hope he can get back by March 9th or so.  And then unless we find a super favorable judge who might, just might allow for him to NOT return for court, he will have to make a second trip back here for court.  And then go home again.  You do the math$$$.

What saved the day was a trip to a small group Bible Study that was a very international group.  What an amazing group they were, and we so appreciated being welcomed into it with open arms and hearts.  And a good heart to heart with our gracious host, a voice of reason.

For the rest of our day we went to the Chernobyl museum which show the massive devastation and destruction that the disaster created.  Effects still being felt today.  It was interesting and sad.  Lily had an interesting perspective.  Afterward, we navigated the metro again to make it back to our new friends, Phil & Tara for a little retreat time, a great dinner and a little play time for Lily.  She is very excited that her first sleepover of the year is taking place in Ukraine.  And I am sure she is super glad to be away from all this heavy adult stuff.  What a trooper.

So I said I would keep it short.  So, bye bye for now.  Thanks to all of you back home holding down the fort and supporting us so much.  I can't say it enough...we so appreciate it.  But some of you might have to start getting up earlier, it is always darkest before the dawn and your wee hours of the morning are the most difficult hours of the day for me.

Love to all!

The Sky Is Falling

Not really, just the icebergs from the rooftops.

We had our bus adventure making our way back to Kiev yesterday.  I always thought that they drove crazy in Mexico, pretty crazy here too.  It was a 4 hour ride in an 18 passenger van-like bus.  The seats were lopsided, it was wickedly hot (yes I said hot), it smelled unpleasant.  The road was full of potholes that driver was constantly dodging.  I think for every one he missed he hit two more.  Thankfully the road conditions were better than our trip out.  We had one "break" about halfway back, and by then we were in real need for some fresh air, 10 minutes and Twix Bar later and we were back on the road.  I was pretty impressed with myself and with Lily, we are both pretty prone to motion sickness and we both made it without incident, thankfully.

Once back in Kiev we had to submit an application for our 3rd appointment and wouldn't you know it, they rejected it because our inspector friend back in Romny did the paperwork wrong.  Another delay!  We did get some FaceTime with our sweet, dear friends Clarke and Kris who really helped us work through some options.  We were still trying to figure out the scenario of our best/worst case time line.  We were also really doubting what would happen at this last SDA appointment.  They called in the back ups and gave us a bit of "our" control back in a system that is truly out of our control.  They were also able to verify that the translator who went to talk with the little girl in Romny was in fact in contact with the other American family and they are coming for her.  She will have a forever family in the states very soon.

The reality is that we could go back to the SDA and be shown all the same kids again, and therefore end up coming home empty handed.  So Clarke and Kris got on the phone back at home and started working their contacts.  We have received a couple of emails with possible girls that we will be having our facilitator follow up on.  This way, when we go to our appointment we have those options as well as whatever they might present.

The second thing they did was help us to figure out how to get at least Jamie home in the quickest possible way.  What it looks like makes the most sense for us now is to go to our appointment, hopefully by Tuesday and get our last referral.  Travel to meet this little girl and pray for a quicker "ask" time.  File the petition to adopt and get Jamie on the first fight out of Kiev back home.  He will go home, get back with our other girls and wait for word on when our court date will be.  He will then travel back for court and then go home for good.  I will have to wait out the process, but at least one of us will be with the girls!  There is also the outside chance that if we end up in a favorable region, with a favorable judge, there is an outside chance that we could petition the judge to allow Jamie to go home and stay and let me finish everything up.  This would be the best for the obvious reasons, continuity with the girls, him getting back to work, and saving money on the extra round trip ticket.  The most important thing is to try to get back to the girls as soon as possible.  We can always make more money, right.

We are still struggling with the process here and are anxious to get to our 3rd appointment.  We are committed to this last appointment (baring any other unforeseen delays of more than a week).  This morning Jamie was reading Mark 5 to me where it is telling about the man who was possessed by the legions of demons, the demons asked to be sent into the pigs.  Jesus sent them into the pigs who plunged over the cliff.  Then the man asked to go with Jesus and Jesus said no, go tell of what I have done.  I say this because sometimes the answer is no.  This man wanted to go with Jesus but was obedient when he said no.  Jesus knew that this mans witness would further the kingdom and it needed to be shared.  I have been struggling, feeling like some how I had failed.  That I had missed something, done something wrong, who knows but that if we came home with out a child, some how I failed.  The reality is that if we end up coming home with out a child, I (or we) did not fail.  And God has a story to tell through that.

However, please know that I (we) aren't giving up.  We are working every contact we have.  We are persevering through the process.  Following God one day at a time.  Trying desperately not to look to far down the road because that is overwhelming.  So on Friday we plan to make a trip to an orphanage to deliver gifts to the children.  This will be a wonderful diversion and opportunity to be the hands and feet of Jesus to these children.

In the meantime, we will be here in Kiev.  Today was a lovely day in the city.  It was above freezing.  I actually went out without a hat or gloves for the first time.  We walked a lot.  First to have coffee with a sweet man named George who was such an encouragement to us.  The first Ukrainian that we have had contact with that was so obviously filled with joy.  He smiled constantly, this is not normal!  Then we walked to the market and back and finally back up near the SDA to redo our application.  Probably over 4 miles today.

With the warmer weather today, there is lots of melting and with melting comes icebergs literally falling from the sky.  We saw several people dodging falling ice and snow with a couple of occasion of it landing at the feet of passers-by.   It was an adventure trying to not only watch where you were walking, dodging puddles, ice patches, cars and people but also looking up to see what was over head that could come down on your head.  If some of these icebergs came down on you, it would not be good.  

Tomorrow, we will start with the donuts we found at the market and maybe we go see some of the sights!  

Thanks for all the words of encouragement and prayers, we cherish them, really!!!

We Stand To Fight

As many of you know by now, today was "ask day" and the answer was no.  We won't share every detail, it is enough to say that she was a brave little girl who had to make a difficult decision.  I pray that the things told to her are in fact the truth, otherwise the outcome is heartbreaking.

For us, really me, the initial response was to get the you know what out of here and get home to our other girls.  Pick up the pieces and try to figure out what God was trying to teach us through this.  For the better part of the past 5 hours it has been constant email and face book, with a massive amount of tears.  Desperately grasping for Gods direction.  How in the world can we come all this way and not see the entire process through?  How in the world can we stay away from our girls back home for an indefinite amount of time?  How can we possibly walk back into the SDA and look at those books one more time?

I have to brag on my girls for a minute.  First Lily, who had to sit by this sweet little girl who she has grown to love and listen to her say no to us.  Then there is Annabelle and Emma who are back home with everything topsy turvy and no real end in sight.

After Lily cried her tears, questioned God and why in the world he would bring us here for nothing she turn back to that child like faith.  She said God is showing us that we can trust him and that His story is not complete yet.  After all the heart ache she is ready to walk into the building that Jamie calls the "GFB"  (it is not vulgar, and I will explain when the process is complete) and try again.  She still thinks that it is a good idea to ride the overnight train.

Annabelle and Emma are holding down the fort at home.  I was largely distraught thinking about them and the impact this extended time will have on them.  We got a bit of FaceTime but all I could do was cry.  So we tried to chat on Facebook, better luck there.  At least they couldn't see my tears that way.  So they voted and both felt like all the time and money spent that we need to stay and try again.  Then I really burst into tears.

Then there is our Sasha, our translator who has been with all week.  She is a lovely 20 year old who I would bring home with me in a second.  She has been amazing.

And all of you at home, praying, emailing, face booking...thank you, thank you, thank you.  Really, you have no idea how much the encouragement has helped to pull us out of the pit.

I am still terrified of going through this process yet again, there is always the chance that we will come home empty handed.  But God is big, bigger than me, bigger than this, and bigger than the corruption in the system.

So, please, please, stand firm with us.  Keep sending the prayers and we will stay and fight.

I feel the love and support and count it my privilege to have each of you in my life.  Every person should have the network of support and encouragement that we have.

Hands still wide open....

Last visit before the ASK

I so wish I could post pictures, but our internet is so very slow it is simply impossible.  I sent an email home today with one picture attached and it took over 20 minutes to send.  I have gotten some good pictures in the last couple of days.

So I will try to paint you the pictures and I will start with the ones that are specifically for my girls at home.  They are lovely American teens who I am pretty sure would have been horrified on more than one occasion on this trip.  The first would be my first visit to a restroom outside of Kiev.  First, it was so cold I don't know how in the world the water was not frozen.  Second, it looked like it might have been the first flushing toilet ever created.  Third, the door really didn't shut and opened to the outdoors.  Forth, it did have toilet paper but it is more of the brown paper towel variety.  My second visit to a bathroom outside of Kiev was on our first visit to the orphanage, I had seen a picture BUT (no pun intended) no picture can fully prepare you for the squat pot. No more description is necessary.  But no TP here.  Now I plan ahead, always go before you leave the hotel.

The other eye popper for the girls would have been the market.  Romny supposably has one of the largest markets in the country.  We went back for visit number two today.  I was expecting it to be a bit quieter on a Sunday but not so.  It was packed and this time we made it all the way through.  Everything imaginable is for sale here, you need a zipper, as long as all you need is a long zipper, they got it.  A hat, a fish, a razor, a toy, a bra or undies, no problem.  Eggs, honey, meat, bread...its there.  How about a fur coat or a fancy, Emma style dress.  Maybe I should pick up a Prom dress for Emma while I'm here.  Guarantee it would be cheaper here.  Don't know where you would try anything on, everything is in a tent like structure some with three walls of fabric others not even that.  The fish in the pail of bloody, slushy fish water would have killed them.  That and the slabs of every variety of random meat just lying out (granted it is a refrigerator outside) with the dogs just waiting for the attendants to turn their head so they could take off with the goods.  Saw the slab of pork fat today, yuck!  Makes me think of my beloved bacon a bit differently now.  Some of you know about my love affair with bacon.

Don't forget about our shower here in the hotel, while there is plenty of hot water it is more like a fountain and less like a shower.  It is a hand held shower head which the upper bracket is broken so either you hold it or it sprays you at about belly height.  Oh, and the water, it doesn't smell exactly great.

The last real eye popper would be trying to eat.  Nothing is in English (of course) so our translator has to literally read the menu to us.  Not everything that comes is identifiable, not by eye and not by taste.  Who needs HCG!

One of my sweet girls will not be overly impressed, but I haven't "done" my hair once this entire trip.  Don't panic, I do wash and dry it but since about 50% of our waking hours there is a hat on my head, why bother?  Might be my new look....I am sensing an eye roll about right now:)  I love my girls!!!

Jamie and our sweet translator went an looked at an apartment for us today.  It is kinda looking like we will be living in a hotel for the duration of our trip.  The apartment was sketchy at best.  I didn't even want to go in and look, so I took Lily and went back to the hotel.  From the sounds of it, think I made the right decision.  Our translator was pretty sure that bed bugs would be the least of our concern, add in safety, warmth and general health and well being.

The town is small enough for us to walk everywhere we need to go.  But tonight we were out a bit later than I was comfortable with.  Didn't get back to the hotel until 9pm.  Most of the time we feel very safe.  The biggest danger is the thick layer of snow/ice on literally every surface.

On the adoption front, today we got two visits as the director was out for the day.  The first at 9am and the second at 4pm, a total of 5 hours together.  It is a bit awkward really, like I said before, kind of like ground hog day.  We love seeing her and she is always so happy to see us but we are so limited on what we do.  a couple varieties of cards, some games on the iPad, coloring.  We try to ask questions to get to know her better, but it seems that she doesn't get a lot of personal attention so it is difficult even for our translator to always understand what she is saying, she isn't good with her words is how the translator has put it.

We haven't learned anything new about her.  It is more about spending time together, building trust and a relationship.  We bring bananas and juice and sometimes a little candy or "waffles" our wafer cookies.  She loves the waffles, we had to put them away because we though she was going to make herself sick.

Today she drew two amazing pictures, the first was a rose that she wrote "love" in big bubble letters around.  The second was a vine with a big heart in the middle.  I took pictures but can't manage to post them.   When she is saying no, she wags her little finger and clicks her tongue.  Very cute.  The iPad is great the girls play games together, helping one another.  We can't use google translator because we seldom get good internet.  Wish it would work then we could take better control of the conversation.

Tomorrow is our big day, the ask day as we have come to refer to it.  We will be going at 2:30pm (5:30am at home).  Once we get past that hurdle then we can start figuring out the next steps.  Looking forward to that.  Every day done is one day closer to being together as a complete family.

Please pray for us as you go to bed tonight and as you get up in the morning.  We ask for Gods favor, wisdom, courage, and a soft hearts for all involved. Gods will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.

We will update as soon as we know anything tomorrow.  Until then...Blessings!

One Day and Counting

First off, thanks to those of you to the west of us, some closer than others, who sent little tidbits my way in the form of encouragement, updates on my girls at home and even a gentle little kick in the pants.  Today I woke up in the best place I have been in about a week.  I even heard birds chirping out side the window, actually they weren't really chirping, it is to cold for that.  In fact it wasn't even the most pleasant of sounds but it was a sound from Gods creation none the less.

I find it so hard to get motivated, our whole day is dictated by our visit time and there is really not much to do.  One, because there isn't much to do and two, because even what little there is to do is outside and it is just plain cold.  We did have to leave the hotel so that they could get in our room and tidy it up so we left at 11:30 and headed to the open market.

An interesting place the market.  A couple of things that struck me as peculiar.  First, man these are tough people.  They stand out there, selling their wares, anything from shaving cream and tooth paste, random kitchen gadgets (Jamie bought one), socks, dry fish, live fish out of a tank truck, really!  How they stand out there all day long is amazing to me.  And what can they possibly make in a day.  Add to it the effort of getting everything there and set up.  Wow!  Second, it is kinda like the beaches in New York again where the cars drive, the people walk, some pulling carts, some sleds.  The ruts in the road are deep and solid ice.  Certainly people must get hit from time to time.

I am forcing myself to embrace this process, this town and this experience.  So when we left today I decided it was a good day for pictures.  I took some of daily life in Romny, the market, a church and some building.  The building are still so interesting to me, some old, beautiful and stately, others not so much.  But each with its own true personality.  I got some pictures of beautiful doors and windows, discovered that the town sits on a hill with lovely views.  We also got some pictures with the golden pig.  Look up Romny if your are curious, lots of history here.  The town is over 1000 years old.

We were to be at the orphanage at 1pm today and were being given 3 hours this time.  And the big bonus was that we were going to be able to take her off the property.  We were looking forward to this.  We had some time to kill and no were to go, so we walked.  Poor Lily was sure her little toes were gonna fall right off.

We got there a few minutes early, enough to thaw out for a couple minutes.  We were taken to the private little play room again.  It is warm and comfortable in there.  She was all smiles when she came in, this is normal.  The director told us that we had one hour that we could be away from the property, enough time to get a little food.  Before we even got our coats on she went straight into telling our translator that another translator had come to see her at school today.  He was the translator who had had something to do with her hosting trip to the US.  He took her to get tea and told her the family she visited wanted to send her some money for her birthday.  This caught me off guard, the mind starts racing again.  What are their intentions, what does this mean for us...same drill different day.  Apparently the director knew nothing about this and didn't feel it was a concern.  Our facilitator who is back in Kiev got on the phone right away to the inspector (area social worker) and the director and she doesn't feel it is a concern either.  Amazingly, I had a moment of light panic but it didn't linger more that a brief moment.

Out the door we go, right into town for a little lunch.  She had meat and mashed potatoes.  Interesting, they just say meat therefore you don't really know what your gonna get.  Hence the reason I don't order meat, chicken yes, meat NO!  Us other girls got chicken soup, Jamie was the man though he got a salad of tomato, bell pepper, chives and cucumber and FRENCH FRIES!  Good french fried, homemade french fries, fresh french fries, delicious french fries.  I think I found my restaurant for the rest of the stay.

During lunch she mentioned that on her outing today with the other translator she saw her grandma but that the grandma didn't see her.  She then freely said that grandma rarely visits her.  I love getting these little bits of information especially when she offers without prompt.  We also figured out that her studies have been suffering a bit, she had to be back at a certain time today because she needed to work on a poem that she has to recite to the class on Tuesday.  We asked her if she could tell us and she giggled and said, "I forgot it."

After a quick lunch we had to hustle back to not be late.  We still had an hour and a half with her,  The girls went right into drawing, then checkers, then the iPad.  She left us with sweet little hugs and a shy smile.  She left kinda slowly.

So we go back tomorrow morning, it is our last visit before we can ask her to be part of our family.  We only have 2 hours but it is nice to mix up the time of day we get to see her.

By the way, it is confirmed...I stink at language.  Jamie is great, trying to learn words and phrases to ask and say.  But I got the mommy language, right????

Oh and our hotel costs $32 a night!  And a cup of espresso is $.50.  Lunch for 5 of us was $7.75.

Love to all!  To God be the glory, we are just the tool.

So We Met

Greetings World

So, three days in Romny, Ukraine.  What can I say, it has been the most emotional, heart wrenching experience of my life, right along side when my sister died.

We met a sweet, beautiful, petite little girl on Wednesday.  There are lots of little blessing bundled up in just getting this far.  From our understanding, and let me be clear, it is often very difficult to decipher what is fact and what is fiction when in comes to what we are told, but we were told that in the past when potential adoptive parents have come to visit he hasn't even allowed them on the steps.  He let us in, gave us all the information about her health, her studies and her life.  Again, we were "told" that she has a grandmother and grandfather in this town that have custody of her older sister.  We were told that the do visit (? often) and that she goes to school with her sister.  We were also told that a foster family came to meet here to bring her into their home and she refused to see them.

So, we are in, we have met and we have played.  Lily is a great asset, the girls hit it off.  We started by showing pictures of our home and family that Annie had put together.  She liked that, so we moved on to other pictures on the computer which she really liked.  We showed her lots of Disney pictures from our trip last year.  She likes Mickey Mouse.  They got ahold of the computer and played for a long time on photo booth which created many, many giggles.  Then they played a few card games and before we knew it our time was up.  We never left the directors office and he never left, but went about his business with his staff and other kids.

The next day we are welcomed back, this time for a 2 hour visit.  Again, lots of card games, more photo booth and more looking at pictures.  We brought a banana for her at her request, which she obviously enjoyed very much.  We asked if we could come visit again tomorrow and she said yes, YEA!  We asked what we could bring, she said another banana and some juice.

So today we were to be at the orphanage (the director calls it a boarding school) at 3:30pm.  This time we were aloud to play in a private room upstairs that had a table and chairs for us to sit at.  We played UNO for a bit but we all grew weary of that and so we tried to get the computer to cooperate and pull up some pictures of Lily's school and some pictures of Colorado.  It was pretty slow but we got a couple, not much.  Then on to the iPad the girls went.  Playing several games until our time was up.  We took a few pictures that I hope to be able to share, but we can't do that until after court.

We get to go back tomorrow for a 3 hour visit and they are even going to let us take her off the property.  I am not sure what we are going to do yet, but we will come up with something.  Maybe go get a little treat somewhere.

On Monday we are going to be allowed to ask her officially if she would like to be part of our family.  She does know that we are visiting her because we want to adopt her.  She has told us that she likes our visits and looks forward to them every day.  That is all encouraging, but until Monday we will just keep pressing ahead.

Lily continues to amaze and inspire us.  She is eating far better than I.  For me it is a mix of total anxiety that just takes my appetite away and the fact that the food in this little town is far less than appealing.  I am glad I have my peanut butter and the bananas are good too.  Oh, and Ukraine has amazing chocolate.  But back to Lily, she jumps right in with our new little friend.  When it was time to leave yesterday, I told Lily to give her a hug.  She did and was given a big bear hug in return.  She was happy to offer a hug to me and a bit cautions with Jamie.  Lily doesn't seem the least bit intimidated by the cold, the culture or the unfamiliarity.  Amazing!  She is constantly refereeing to her new sister and saying she misses her when we get back to the hotel.

The town is a small town, with lots of internet and mobile phone stores.  I had to get an external modem in order to have internet.  Babies are pushed on little sleds rather than strollers.  Everyone walks, even here.  Dogs roam the streets, one who stands in the street barking at every car that stops.  Wonder if he would be here if we came back in a year.  We can't figure out the industry or what drives the town.  We saw our first real examples of the vodka drinking here.  Three young ladies at lunch yesterday (11am) got food and a decanter of vodka.  Tonight it is Friday night so a few gentlemen at the hotel restaurant had finished half a bottle in half the time it took us to eat our meal.  Sad really, they set even the breakfast table with a shot glass.  Our translator says it is not normal for people to drink at breakfast but lunch and dinner, yes.

I have to say, it is very difficult being here.  On more than one occasion I was ready to turn around and come home.  I have felt the depths of home sickness, missing my two girls back home.  I have felt despair in doubting this system.  I have been overwhelmed by culture shock and have cried more tears in the past three days than I have in years all together.  Which I am thinking is a good thing.  I worry constantly about Annabelle and Emma, I worry that this isn't going to come together and then what.  I worry that it is going to come together and then what.  But in all of this, the waves of emotion and uncertainty I do know of one certainty, God did not bring us all the way here to let go of us now.  I am pressing on and pressing into Him.  I find great rest reading the Word and end each night doing so, otherwise I am pretty sure that I would not be sleeping or eating.

Thanks for all the well wishes, prayers and encouragement from literally all over the world.  I know of people in New Zealand, Germany, Ukraine and the U.S. praying faithfully for us.  We feel it, I feel it, intact I can tell when it is night time there, that seems to be the time of day where I have to press through the most.  We love you all, we miss you all and will update what happens on Monday.  Once we get through that we should have a better idea of what lies ahead.  By the way, this whole "asking her if she wants to be part of our family" thing gives me a better understanding what it must be like for a man to ask a woman to marry him.

Blessings from this world to yours!
In Christ Alone!

The True Adventure Begins...

Well, tomorrow is the day!  At 7am we will leave the safety and comfort of the lovely Karen's apartment for a town of about 48,000 people (I think) called Romny.  It is about 230 kilometers east of Kiev.  Lily was really wanting to take an overnight train, but travel by train doesn't make sense in this case because there is no direct route.  So by van we go, an expensive van might add.  But it will be warm and comfortable.

The bumps are everywhere it seems in this process.  Today we went to pick up our referral, as we get outside we find out that she has a sister.  Panic sets in, "what, no one told us about any siblings."  So after one call to the director we find out that yes, she has a sister but the sister is in custody of the grandmother. It is unsettling, she does have family.  What all this means for us, we don't know, but we do know that we are going to meet her and we pray that God takes care of the rest.  We know he will, but the control freak in me wants to know what that looks like, NOW!  The mom in me wants to get things going so that I can take my new daughter home to be with my other three daughters, two of which I miss TERRIBLY right now.

So you know, this blog is a tool for me.  It has two purposes, one is to let those who are interested follow along on this journey.  The second is therapy of sorts, a journal if you will.  A place to share experiences and remember the moments.  So don't hold it against me if my grammar or spelling is off.

That was random, but that is the journal part, things just popping into my tiny, over cluttered brain.

A couple of little revelations I have had while in Kiev.  First, in more ways than one, life is simple here.  For us a lot of energy has been spent on just the task of any given day.  SDA appointment, what time do we need to be there, how are we getting there, how do we stay warm on our way there, and what are we going to eat today?  Sleep, repeat, in some variety or another.  Second, we don't have any TV so one major distraction has been removed.  Third, for a pretty independent person who likes her "personal" time, I have not had a single minute alone.  And surprisingly, I don't mind.

What lies ahead, well that is a mystery.  I pray to God constantly, I know he is in charge, has a plan and all will work together for His good and His glory.  One day at a time, tomorrow we go and meet a little girl.  Might she be the next Degnan Girl?  Only God knows (but I hope so).

We will likely not have internet, at least not regularly.  Once we get there, we are to meet the area Inspector.  My best understanding is that this would be the equal to a social worker in the states.  The Inspector will take us to the orphanage where we will meet the Director, the Director will then introduce us to this little girl, this should be early morning Colorado time on Wednesday.  If we say yes & she says yes, then the process begins.  Once that all happens I hope to have a better idea how the time line will play out.  I won't be sharing her name or any photos until we get through court.

So, so long for now to my family and friends.  Keep the prayers coming, we so, so appreciate them.  Say a little extra prayer for Lily, she is pretty home sick and I am sure tomorrow is going to be a lot for her to take in.  She really has been an amazing trooper.  Today she told me that this new girl has already taken a little piece of her heart!  Very sweet.  If you see my other two girls tell them we love them and miss them bunches.

Let the adventure begin......

Referral...

So, before I get to the events of today let me give a wrap on how our weekend ended.  We left our apartment in Independence Square bright and early on Sunday morning to make the trip via metro to an international church, ICA.  We were a bit uneasy about the whole process, moves are kinda stressful.  No, really stressful.  But picture this little Colorado family, 9 year old in tow, schlepping through a public plaza with wheelie suit case, back pack, Lily's hot pink, black and glitter bag, avoiding the wild dogs (who seem mostly friendly) while trying to locate the right staircase to the metro.  Making it back down the longest escalator ever seen, we actually get to the platform and figure out which direction we want to go.  Six stops later out we pop, to our surprise we made it to the right place, at the right time.

What a sweet congregation and worship service.  We met several people including one gentleman who works at one of the international schools as a counselor, he and his wife were from Colorado.  Many teachers from the two international schools or the Christian school attend here.

Afterward, we spent the afternoon with a lovely family who has three adorable little kids, including a daughter Lily's age.  This was a wonderful break for all of us, but Lily really needed it.  Poor kid, she is about "adulted" out.  We had a yummy lunch and just relaxed...thanks Tara & Phil!

We made it back to Karen's in time for dinner and got situated for the night.  Got to chat with Clarke & Kris and then Grammy and Pappy called.  Love those little touches of the familiar.

Today was appointment number two day.  Unlike the first visit, today I wasn't nervous, just lots of anticipation.  Expecting to see a few more options than the first time, but feeling like we still had the option of the girl from the first appointment.  It was kinda like groundhog day, we went in and started the process again, same workers, same books, mostly the same girls.  We asked about the little girl we saw last time, and to our surprise another family had taken a referral to see her last Thursday.  Ugh...we bounced from one book to the other, in particular order.  She asked if we wanted to see 2002 again, we say yes.  We start thumbing through, looking at the same girls once again.  But then in the middle of the book is a new face, a cute, happy, smiling face!  My heart skips a beat, then I look at the faces of those there to "help" us.  I could see on her face that she wasn't particularly favorable.  I ask, as has become normal, "what is her story?"  Funny thing here is when you ask a question, the speak at length but all we get is a very brief explanation, very brief.  Pretty sure many details are left out.  So, her story.  She will be be 10 in late February, has been available since late fall 2011, is healthy, bright, but....well, but she was hosted by a family from Spain over the holidays.  By the workers tone and implication, this must some how mean that that family wants to adopt her.  What if she is attached to that family and rejects us, what if she is waiting for them to come get her.  What if, what if, what if....my (our) head was swimming.  Feeling like we were being out played at this little game, which we didn't want to be a game at all.  We know that we are allowed three appointments and three referrals, one down with not even meeting a child.  What if this didn't go anywhere and we were forced back for a third appointment.

While it is true that she was hosted, it is also true that many kids are hosted and many are hosted by the same family multiple times without any intention to adopt them.  So, we move forward with the referral.  We go to her orphanage and meet her.  We take Lily, we play with photo booth on the computer, and play other games, show her pictures of our home, our family.  Then what, we don't know really.  Our hope, she loves us, we love her, we ask her be part of our family and we start the next step to make this happen.

Tomorrow at 4pm we will pick up our referral.  Then depending on what makes the most sense we will either travel by train or car to the region.  It is only about 250 kilometers from Kiev, by comparison a short distance.

Of course we are nervous, how could we not be.  This is a big deal, but we remain of good courage, knowing that God is in control.  Please pray for us, this little girl, our meeting with her, the inspector and the director, that our path would be made straight.

By the way, it wasn't any warmer today!  Still hoping that it will warm a bit mid week.

The Street is Closed but the Sidewalk is Open

So today seemed a good day for a walk....just down the way from our apartment is Independence Square and then a beautiful street, lined with amazing buildings, lights strung across the street, many shops and restaurants.  We went out looking for a certain metro station but got distracted along the way.  The street was closed off, which apparently they do on the weekend.  Todays funny, the street was closed but cars were driving on the sidewalk.  It was kinda like the beaches on Long Island where cars drive right on the beach.  "Hey mom, can I go to the water?"  "Sure, just look before you cross the sand."

I had forgotten how different a city was on the weekend vs mid-week.  Quiet, less hustle and bustle.  If it were warmer out it would have been an absolutely lovely walk.  It was so cold even Jamie was asking to go into a department store just to get out of the cold.  More stunning architecture, and history seeping from every nook and cranny.

We had some lunch and started the walk back.  Under Independence Square is a mall, there is really a whole world underground.  The mall was so nice and warm not to mention fantastic people watching.  I am constantly amazed by the shoes.  I have decided that shoes are a big fashion statement here.  For men, lots of nice leather dress shoes or boots, no sneakers.  For ladies, two classes...heals and boots.  But the heals is an interesting thing, we aren't talking cute little sling backs.  No, no, we are talking platform, 4 inch heals.  With boots they come in all varieties, but over half of them are heals also.  Wedges, chunky heals with a hiking boot kinda tread and the platform killers.  And still, no one slips!  I can't handle walking in them on dry, flat land much less on this frozen, ice & snow covered landscape.  Oh, and add to that that the sidewalks here are not concrete.  They seem to be like a marble, very smooth and slippery all on their own.  In fact, most of the floor surfaces are slippery.  I am sure I have one good wipe out in me.  Some of you know my tendency to fall, even without assistance.

I posted some pictures on Facebook today.  Tomorrow church and a move back to Karen's apartment.  Praying that things get moving on Monday:)  Missing our girls and all of you...thanks for following along.

Usually, I am pretty calm.  Usually, I don't sweat the small stuff.  Usually, I make decisions easily.  But nothing is usual about this experience.

Today we moved from one apartment to another.  Actually back to the first apartment.  It is in an area called Liberty Square.  It is absolutely spectacularly beautify.  Everything here I find beautiful, well, everything except the cold weather.  The architecture is stunning, cathedrals, governmental buildings, apartment buildings.

Back to the move, I slept little last night and woke up filled with anxiety this morning.  I don't know if it is the fact that everything is so unusual and unfamiliar.  Or the fact that even small tasks seem slightly overwhelming.  Or maybe I have just been fooling myself for the past, who knows how many years, and really don't adapt to change well.  What ever it is, for no good reason, I was a nervous nelly today and a bit uptight.  We made the trip via metro (subway) which is always an adventure.  When we exited, we were greeted by the craziest, longest, fastest, tallest escalator I have ever seen.  Seriously, when I looked up at it I literally couldn't see the top.  We made a short walk right through Liberty Square and up the hill to the apartment.

By the time we got there we were hungary and decided that it was time to venture out into a Ukrainian dinning experience.  We found a buffet, which everyone says are a must??  It was our funny for the day, all ordering by pointing and holding up fingers for the count.  Lily went with Borsch and pizza, Jamie still doesn't know what he had.  I had salted cheese in a dough, a chicken and some rice.  All in all, it was good, and very cheap.  Now we are settled in for the night, Lily and Jamie playing cards.  Lily is soundly kicking her daddy's behind.

By the way the crow flies, we are just over the hill from where we were yesterday and just a stones through from the SDA where our selection appointments are.  Our next one is Monday at 2pm.

We did brave the cold to go out and get a few pictures.  I will post them on Facebook later.  I would love to post them here, but since it is all still in Russian, I have no clue how to get them on here.  Sorry Rob, have T pull up Facebook and you can take a look.  Even got some of the parking.

It was very cold today, not just by my standards but by Ukrainian standards.  They even cancelled school today because of the cold.

Who knows what tomorrow will have in store?

Some things I just don't understand

Like, why in the world is every word on blogger in Russian?  I took a screen shot just to show you, but since every command on my computer is in Russian, I can't figure out how to show you.  I literally spent 30 minutes trying to find the page with the little picture of the pencil, which I am at least bright enough to figure out means, "write a new post"

Like, why cars here literally park any direction and any place the driver wants.  They are on the side walk, on the curb, nose to nose.  Some diagonal, some parallel.  I will eventually get a picture so I can prove it.  Not that I will be able to figure out how to post it.

Like, why don't the locals ever slip on the ice?  Really, they must be the most sure footed people in the world.  I have slipped, luckily not fallen.  Jamie has slipped, although he won't admit it and Lily took a full on wipe out yesterday.

Like, why do I look so bizarre on face time?  Really, can't we get a more attractive angle?

Really not much to report on today.  Got a good night sleep last night, finally!  Ventured out to get Lily new boots and to the open market today.  Jamie got some more mystery food, Lily, the most beautiful pomegranate I have ever seen.  Me, just some fresh, cold air and a little walk.  You really can't stay out more than an hour without becoming very, very uncomfortable.  And an hour is a stretch.  There is no TV where we are staying, kind of refreshing.  Although I keep going to Facebook, hoping to connect to home.  I got to Skype with my sister today, that was a highlight.  Lily has been trying to FaceTime her class but we haven't been able to connect yet.  Tomorrow, Emma is swimming at the 4A State Swimming Championships.  Sad I can't be there but Annabelle is going with Tommy.  If you see her, tell her to kick butt!

Tomorrow we will have to move apartments.  I don't like moving, it is so difficult.  All the luggage and the whole communication thing.  I am sure we will have another good story out of it.  But we probably won't have internet for two days.  We will be back here on Sunday afternoon.  We are going to church on Sunday, can't wait.  Then to lunch with an American family stationed here.  They have a daughter Lily's age.  She is needing some kid time.

That's all...any bets on how long it will take me to get back on here next time?

Funny Pages

So through this process we are calling an adventure are constantly looking for the funny.  It is everywhere really.

The first real funny was in boarding our last flight from Munich to Kyiv.
First of all the flight was delayed by over 2 hours because the plane had sat on the tarmac to long (in sub-zero temperatures) and water lines froze.  So one they were replaced they loaded us all on a bus to be taken to the plane.  They had both the front and back door open to the plane and no rhyme or reason to who went to which door.  As the law of Degnan worked, we chose the front door only to find out that our seats were the second row from the back.  It was like a Mexican fire drill. Lily found no amusement in it, that is because she was the only child on a plane filled with mostly Ukrainian men, who paid no attention to her little stature, it was every man for himself.  Made me chuckle.

The first night we spent in a simple apartment off of Liberty Square.  Since we managed to sleep through the meal on the plane, we were all starving.  We made the short walk from the apartment to a few little shops.  Those of you who know Jamie at all know that he is a true foodie, while Lily and I were truly overwhelmed by culture shock and were looking for the nearest McDonald's, he stopped at the 1st street vendor he saw and just copied the guy ahead of him.  He had no idea what he was eating, and loved every minute of it.  Yes, Lily and I headed to McDonalds.  It was a safe bet.  Our facilitator was horrified that Jamie ate off the street which then made him nervous all night that he was gonna get sick, good news, he was fine.  Some might consider it funny that I was so cold I slept in my sweat pants, long sleeve shirt and my hat.  I just thought it smart!

The next day brought our next funny.  We were moving from that apartment to Karen Springs apartment. She sent a taxi for us and told us what the taxi number was and for us to be waiting outside at 12:30.  We were waiting, up comes a car that matched the color but as an American, I am looking for the taxi number on the lit taxi light on top.  The driver was obviously looking for his passengers, but he spoke not a work of english and us not a word of Russian.  You can see how that worked out.  Luckily he stopped at the bottom of the hill which gave us a chance to see his license plate which part of it matched the number given.  We still weren't sure, nor was he but in we climbed.  He started in with a full on conversation which by his tone was full of questions which we thought must be asking for the address where we were going, which of course, we had no idea.

This led to the next funny which was me trying desperately to figure out the phone that was given to us.  The numbers were completely worn off and I couldn't find the menu for the life of me.  Finally I hit the right button and up popped the last number to call us.  I called it and was hugely relieved when an American voice came on the other end, she was able to verify we were the right passengers and he was the right driver.  However, the driving with one hand, managing 2 separate phones and a map with the other through some of the most congested traffic I have ever seen was a bit over the top.  Of course it can't be the end of it, he pulls up the wrong side of the building and we had an obnoxious amount of luggage, streets covered (and I do mean covered) in dirty, mushy snow.  We made it around the building and were hugely relieved to run into another American family who were already at Karen's.  What a fresh breeze it is to hear English in a sea of Russian.

Once in the apartment, we decided to tag along as the other family headed back to pick up their referral letter.  It was not a short walk through the city to a tram ride up a very steep hill, only to turn around and head back on our own.  Once again, starving we decided this time to go with pizza.  Yip, Domino's is in Ukraine too.  Lily was thrilled!  Of course we timed it just as school had gotten out and the place was filled with teenagers who were gathering and many doing their homework.  Not a table in sight.  The only way to order was by pointing and hand gestures.  We ended up with two very large pizzas.  One for now and one for later I suppose.  I will say it was the hottest pizza I have ever had and some of the gooiest cheese ever.  We didn't dare take it to go because it would have been frozen by the time we got home, seriously!

Day 2 is appointment or selection day.  Not a lot funny about the process,  but the day started out a bit funny.  Our first trip on the metro, or subway.  Some of you know the Degnan adventure on the New York subway, today was near replay. It is difficult and heart-wrenching process, selecting a child from a book of dated photos and basic statistics.  You are presented with books, each book covers a birth year.  The first book was all 6 year olds, then 7 year olds, followed by 8 and then 9.  It wasn't until 9 that we saw a couple of little girls that didn't have significant disabilities.  There were three, two stood out as possibilities.  The first was three days older than Lily and the second, 5 months younger.  Some might say both had issues, one minor health and possibly delayed learning.  The second lives in a happy foster home and could likely reject us.  Where did we end up?  Well, we were interested in meeting either of the girls but after much debate and finding out that we could get another appointment as early as Monday and couldn't even travel to meet either girl until most likely Monday we chose to get our second appointment.  So on Monday we will go back, hopefully be shown new children and still consider the other two.  We are hoping more information will clarify things for us.  At the very least, we haven't lost much in time, maybe a day.

Once back at the apartment we decided it was time to venture out, truly on our own.  We headed to the market.   Just steps out the door, we were talking when a young man turned to us in shock and said, "I know that sound."  Ah, another English encounter.  It actually catches you off guard when you hear it because most times you visually can't pick up on it.  He just moved here, yes moved, for work.  He is working with the Ukrainian equivalent of the CDC studying disease in Ukraine.  He is here on a contract and will likely be here for several years.  He was very eager to share and talk, as were we.  It is striking how much friendlier we Americans are when we are out of our safe little American bubble.  Here, they are all like long lost friends.

Oh the market, what an amazing place that is.  Fun really, a lovely adventure to a foodie and his wife.  By American standards, it is very small but really everything you need is right there, you just have to figure it out.  Like water with gas vs no guess.  Or milk vs buttermilk.  We were batting 500 when we managed to the the milk right and the water wrong.  Which forced trip number 2 to the market.  I was desperate for real water.  We can't wait to go back tomorrow.

So now we are settled in for the evening, had a nice dinner each of us messing around with our different forms of technology.  Lily with my phone, Jamie the iPad and me with the laptop.  Enjoying a little family quiet time.

As for an update on Lily, wow what a trooper.  She has walked, waited, walked some more and waited.  One good wipe out on our way to the market the second time and not a single tear shed.  She has worked on homework, emailed her teacher played games and become fast friends with our translator.  She helps give us perspective and a distraction when needed.  She has had wonderful things to add and completely appropriate.  We have drug her on every type of transportation, pushed her through jet lag and taken her from one unfamiliar place to the next.  Not a complaint or whine out of her.

Now about the cold...cold doesn't really do it justice.  Take the coldest you have ever been and magnify it by 100, now you are getting close.  Truly bone chilling cold, hence the sleeping in my hat.  I think we are adapting a bit, not much but a bit.  These are some of the most amazingly tough people I have ever encountered.  Many work in outdoor markets, wow.  They have been gracious, kind and hospitable.  We have never been uneasy or nervous, however we do limit our outing to daylight hours.

Guess I have rattled on long enough.  We appreciate all the words of encouragement and prays, we feel them with us every step of the way.  We love you all and are anxious to get things going but know that it is all in Gods time.  Keeping our hands wide open.

Oh yes, I now fully know what culture shock is!  I got it!