Doing Life

So for the sake of not over staying my welcome, I am thinking that maybe weekly posts are in order.  I know some of you will be interested in how the "transition" phase is going and learning about Daria's Degnan firsts.  They are constant right now.

We have been home for nearly one week. It was exactly this time last week when we were boarding what would be boarding the first of the last airplanes home.  Slowly we are all recovering from jet lag, slower for some of us than others.  But it really is amazing how much easier it is to "cope" when you are on your home turf.

She survived her first track meet and her first church service which included a public introduction.  She joined us girls as we saw Emma off to prom.  She has met the entire Grace Place staff and several of my favorite customers who have been following along with our journey.  We braved a Super Target where she got to pick out her first jeans, all on her own.  Her only observation, it was very big.  Even a trip to Starbucks was in order, all she wanted was a banana and water.

She ate what was likely her first steak dinner complete with baked potatoes loaded up with sour cream and butter, grilled asparagus and fresh warm bread.  She skipped the asparagus but truly went to town with the sour cream.  On Wednesday we introduced her to tacos, while she loved the idea of a taco, she didn't like much of what went into the taco.  The one exception, you guessed it, sour cream.  She actually ate a taco that consisted of lettuce, tomato and a bunch of sour cream.  It seems her two favorite foods are bananas and Gogurt.  She had fun trying to figure out the different flavors, she likes the cotton candy flavor the best, even though she had no idea what cotton candy was.  That was a funny one, actually had to pull up a picture of cotton candy online.  Don't think she has ever had cotton candy, that will have to change especially considering that it is one of my all time favorites.

We have discovered that she truly does love being outside and would probably go on 10 walks a day if we could do it.  She will walk up and simply say "walk."  Monday she found a football and brought it to me and asked to walk.  We headed out with the dog and the football.  We didn't even make it out of the yard before she was kicking the ball, it was a little funny trying to explain to her not to kick into anyones yard.  A football is a new thing in her world, but she could hardly wait to get to the park and start throwing it around.  And for the record, I got to teach her how to hold it and throw a spiral.  So glad my dad taught me all those important things.  After that she asked "park" and then went on to tell me, her words here, "park is very nice."

That same day, as the family all got home, she would ask each and every one to go play football with her.  Very cute!  Before I knew it she had come in and found a bat and ball and was headed out to see who might play that with her.  Again, baseball is not normal in Ukraine and again I am pretty sure that she had never actually held a bat in her hands.  Jamie, Lily and Daria headed off to the field to play...again trying to explain the risk of hitting the ball into someones yard or worse yet, through a window was a funny conversation.

Jamie introduced her to frisbee, working on all those American classics.  She did finally find a soccer and was proud to tell me that it was a football. Before long she had convinced Lily to come out and kick the ball around.  Again, another lesson on kicking away from houses.

The wii is the game of choice today.  She had a blast with Mario Cart tonight.  Slick little thing, conveniently when things aren't going her way...oops the batteries fell out of her remote.  That didn't go over real well with Lily.

The trampoline is a novelty, I think she may have experienced that in Spain but as I was folding laundry I was watching her jump.  The freedom on her face was evident.  She was just bouncing and smiling, ear to ear smile.

It seems that everywhere we go, we are drawing attention.  Kind of goes along with living in a small town and knowing most everyone.  She has met countless people.  It has to be a bit overwhelming, everyone knows her name, her story, but she has no idea who any of these people are or for that matter, how they possibly know so much about her.   They all are so kind and gracious, introducing themselves and most of then offering a hug, which to my surprise she is happy to return.  No shying away or hiding from this girl.  

She has met her cowboy grandpa which, for the record was priceless.  Cowboys are as American as it gets and she looked up at him and his big black cowboy hat with the biggest eyes I have seen.  She immediately took him over to the picture on our living room wall of my great-great grandpa, another cowboy and his horse.  She managed to get him in the back yard with the football too.  Before long she was planted at table, sharing a seat with her new grandpa, showing him pictures of her life in Ukraine.  Before he left she had to make sure that he had a Ukrainian chocolate bar to take home.  I was so touched by the interaction between them.  I am pretty sure that she can't wait to go to the ranch and see real horse and cows and maybe even get to ride a horse with her grandpa.

We have her registered to start school on Monday.  She has met her new teacher, Mr. Book and a few of her classmates.  She even got to go to the showcase night at school and see Lily and what will be her whole class, doing there musical showcase for the year.

Access to food, anytime she wants it, is really a big one.  I am sure she is overwhelmed by the options and the quantity.  When I came home from the grocery store with many bags of food, her eyes about popped out of her head.  That was more food in one place, at one time than she could possibly imagine. So far she has eaten most everything we have served.  Don't really think she likes green veggies and she won't put any kind of dressing on her salad.

On Tuesday, as soon as we got home from dropping Lily off at school she was asking for a walk.  I told her that I had some work that I needed to do first and that we would go after awhile.  She didn't like that answer and tried to convince me that she could go on her own.  That led us right to google translate where she continued the debate about why it was a good idea.  I told her until she knew her phone number, address and how to ask for help that she couldn't go anywhere by herself.  She went straight to work on learning them.  Then she figured, well if she won't let me go for a walk maybe the park...again, I had to explain even Lily doesn't go to the park alone and she has lived her for 5 years.  Got to admire her gumption.

Emma was trying to talk with her after dinner one night, telling her what different things were in English and then asking Daria to say it in Russian.  It was interesting to me that she did not want to say the words, not in English or in Russian.  She wanted to hear what the words were but would just smile and giggle when Emma would try to convince her to say it.  She is a bit more willing to try in English than to say it in Russian.

The other three girls have been amazing, they continue to make me proud.  Daria even has Annabelle succumbing to nightly hugs.  For some reason Annie just can't say no to her.  Lily has been a great trooper, not batting an eye when Daria is showered with gifts or attention.  Emma has yet to say no when she has asked her to play a game, either outside, the iPad or on the wii.  They have been awesome at trying to show her the ropes.

On a personal note, I just can't get over how good it feels to be home.  Seeing the mountains each morning as I drive into town.  Hearing the birds chirp, the trees that are nearly in full bloom, hearing kids laughing and playing outside.  Even looking up and seeing airplanes...not having to carry jugs of water blocks every other day.  Taking money out of my wallet and not having to think twice about how much it is.  Driving through town and actually stopping my car and hopping out to go say hi to a friend I haven't seen in months, months...understanding everything that is going on around me.  My own bed, my cloths...I took 2 pairs of jeans and like 6 shirts with me to Ukraine, I don't care if I ever see any of them again.  Not to mention the shoes...no boots are going on these feet, it is flip flops and some cute heals for me.  I forgot how many cloths I had, but I am having to "reclaim" many items from my thieving teenagers who seem to have laid claim to my wardrobe while I was away.  I had to get gas in the van the other day, that was bizarre.  I haven't done that in months.  I found myself walking around in awe in Target today.  I had forgotten all the option out there.  I have gotten up with all my girls, made more school lunches this week than I have all year.  Actually, truth be told, I have made more lunches this week than I have in the past two years combined.  I have made dinner four out of the past five nights, Annabelle made one.  I have seen all the girls off to school, stayed up on laundry (don't panic, the folding is still a problem).  I have been present and available, ah...so very nice.

Some new habits are still sticking around.  I have watched less than 2 hours of tv since I got home.  And the walking that was just a fact of life in Ukraine is actually something that I enjoy for some personal time here.  Too bad it is allergy season, except this year I just don't think even the allergies are going to keep me inside.

I have adored reconnecting with so many friends, the hugs are like medicine to my soul.  It has been like seeing long lost friends around every corner.  I feel so loved!

Today is April 19, which in my world is a very significant day.  It is my sisters birthday.  She would have been 48 years old today.  For those of you who don't know, she died nearly 17 years ago from the treatment of Leukemia.  She was the most amazing and influential person in my life.  Not a day goes by that I don't miss her.  I am proud to be her little sister.  Sometimes I wonder what she would have thought of the events of my life over the past couple of months.  While I am sure she would have been proud, I know that at several different points, she would have given me the classic "kick in the pants" and told me to pull it together.  Then she would have had a good cry with me and told me it was going to be all right.  She was a great wife, an amazing mom and the best sister anyone could have ever asked for.  I learned a lot about what NOT to do from her early in life and a lot about what TO do later in life.  She never chose the easy road but in the end she chose the right road.  I owe a lot to her for helping me find my way and making me who I am today.  She blazed the trail, set the standard.  I miss you Bobbi Sue Lucia..........and so do so many others:)

In the next week or so we will be getting a new family photo taken.  I can't wait to get our profile picture updated and some new and improved photos up on our walls at home.  It is important to get some pictures up that include Daria, since right now everywhere she turns are all these picture of the 5 of us.  I want her to feel like she is very much part of this family and will be forever.  She needs to see herself on our walls.

One week into this next phase of our journey and we are enjoying the process of figuring out how to Do Life.  Let the true adventure begin.

Home Sweet Home

We made it!  It took 24 hours of travel on 3 separate plane rides but we made it home without so much as a hiccup, well except for Annabelle's chronic and rather obnoxious hiccups.   I find the trip headed east is easier since it takes place mostly in the dark, but nothing beats a the trip headed west...I could feel the magnetic draw of the USA, Colorado to be specific, just sucking me in.

We left our home away from home, Karen's apartment, at 4am and I am pretty sure that that is the quietest hour of the day in Kiev.  No one out walking and very few cars on the road.  It was a little bittersweet leaving.  I know that sounds weird, but as hard as the past 10 weeks have been, it has also been a time of amazing growth.  I told Jamie that I remember thinking that it would never end and then, all of the sudden I was going home.  Home, really home!

Both girls traveled like champs.  I was thrilled that our return trip did not require another trip on Ukraine International Airlines (hand me down airlines) rather this time it was Lufthunsa to Munich and then United the rest of the way.  Daria made it all the way to the final leg of the trip before she finally gave in to sleep.  Then, by the time we were landing in Denver the poor thing was literally delirious when I tried to wake her up to put her seat belt on.  I could see it on her face, she had no idea what was happening, who I was or where she was at.  It took a few minutes and several tries before she was able to pull it all together.  But in her normal fashion, by the time we were off the plane she was charging ahead, always wanting to lead the way.  And given that she had no idea where she was going, it made it very cute.  She was the first one up the escalator into the cheering crowd of all our family and friends that were awaiting our arrival.  I think she was eating up every minute of the experience.  Watching her stare up at Emma, the only one she hadn't met, was priceless.  I was so relieved to be hugging Jamie, Emma and Lily...it was real, finally real.

My sweet Emma, while both Lily and Annabelle spent part of the journey with me in Ukraine, Emma was at home.  She was an amazing trooper the entire time.  She matured beyond measure during this time and I am so proud of her.  She stepped up and took care of so much and at the same time kept her grades up, competed at the state swim meet and then started track.  She took great care of Lily each morning before school, helped with house work...she is my hero!  My heart broke for her though when she sent me a text just as my plane was landing in Denver to tell me that she had been in a car accident.  It was just that, an accident but she felt so bad...I was just simply happy that she was ok.  A car is just a car, they can be replaced...our little girls, they are priceless.  Stupid satin, trying to steal our joy...jokes on you, we are still rejoicing!

It has been none stop action since we got home.  On Saturday we had a track meet, a hair cut and of course...prom.  So happy to say that I was there for all of it and I drug Lily and Daria along as well.  I wasn't sure what she would think of it all.  I knew she would be meeting a lot of people who had been following along with our journey.  Bunches of friends I haven't seen in months, lots of people with lots of questions.  She did great!  She loved watching Emma run her races, coming up to me tapping me on the shoulder to make sure I knew that Emma was getting ready to run.  She and Lily went to the park, and basically ran all over the place.  Bad mommy, she got her first American sunburn.  From the track meet it was off to get Annabelle a hair cut.  Again, she had a great time in the spinny chairs at the salon.  From there it was time to get Emma ready for prom.  Daria and Lily spent their time playing basketball, hop scotch and scrabble....while I helped Emma.  I soaked in every moment of it, almost in shock that I was actually home, actually experiencing it.  By the way, Emma looked beautiful!

Today we went to church, Grace Place...the second best place on earth to be.  So happy to be back with my church family after missing 9 out of the last 10 weeks of church.  I did listen to most of them online, but it is so not the same.  Today completed my homecoming!

I am back to my normal duties of life, today I actually ventured off to the grocery store.  What a lovely experience that was.  Not only could I find everything I needed, I could read everything.  No more buying ketchup when I thought I was buying spaghetti sauce.  No more, water with gas vs. water without gas.  And the shampoo and conditioner, they were just that, shampoo AND conditioner.  Not shampoo and shampoo.

Tonight we had our first family dinner, all 6 of us around one table enjoying the first beef I have had in weeks.  Oh it is nice to be married to a chef.  After dinner the girls had a great time playing, it got a little rough but there was much laughing, chasing and tickling going on.  It made my heart very happy, especially when Annabelle and I were goofing around and Daria jumped right in to "protect" Annabelle.  Everyone was ready for bed by 8:30, between the travel and prom, everyone was pretty wiped out.

It is amazing how much more english Daria is already using.  Like I said before, she knows quite a bit of english, but now being surrounded by it all the time...it is just starting to pop out.  We had a delivery of clothes today and it was priceless as we played our little game of "what about this?"  I am starting to pick up on her individual sense of fashion.  As we made our way through the bag, she became more and more animated with her like or dislike of any given piece of clothing.  All the while doing this with an audience of three sisters all of which have such diverse tastes.

This week, we are just going to try to settle in.  Get into a routine of sorts.  I think we will wait a week or so before we put her in school.  Let her settle into life as a Degnan before we throw her to the wolves.  Not really, but we do want her to be a bit more settled into the family before we take on school.  However, I am pretty sure she will get bored of hanging out with me pretty quick.  It is one thing if the girls are around, but me...not so much.

Looking back on the past weeks, it is strange really.  While it has been acutely real, raw really!  It has been a time where on one had, time stood still and on the other it just skipped time.  It seemed to have drug on forever, missing so many things back home.  It was like my "life" was suspended for a time or in some way, it was going on without me.  Yet the depth of emotion was, at times, overwhelming.  I was completely present in my small little Ukrainian world and completely absent from my American world...it is strange, difficult to express really.  The reality is, that I was right where I needed to be.  Right where God wanted me.  The reality is that I have such a greater appreciation for my life, my family, my home, my country...an appreciation that could only be gained through this experience.  For that I am grateful...

For now, I am just simply grateful to be home...home, sweet home.  There is no better place on earth.  The love, the peace, the comfort...only at home do you truly find those things.

Membership

Over the past few days, I have been busy...doing nothing.  And for those of you who know me, you know I hate doing nothing, unless of course I am at the beach.  Which, for the record, this is no day at the beach.  My only real tasks have been take out the trash, bank, grocery store, cook, repeat.  In that order, with little variation.  The one variation was my assignment by the facilitator to make my appointments at the U.S. Embassy.

So on Monday I sent my request for a noon appointment on Thursday.  My request went something like this, "I am in the process of completing our adoption of a 10 year old girl.  We will be receiving her passport late in the day on Wednesday and are planning to go to the medical exam first thing on Thursday morning.  Therefore, I would like to schedule our first appointment with the embassy at noon."  They reply, "you do not need to have the medical completed prior to your first appointment.  We recommend coming to the embassy for your first appointment at 8am in the morning and then going to the medical. That way you could make it back in for your second appointment later in the day."  Ding, ding, ding...the light is going on in my lightening fast brain.  Wait, "you mean I can get both appointments in the same day?"  The embassy, "yes, we would be happy to see you at 2pm on Thursday to FINALIZE your VISA."  Yippy!  Oh, happy day.

Why so happy, well as my friend Alice put it "yea, you are coming home one day less late."  That is right, one day less late and I couldn't be happier.  While of course even leaving on Saturday would have technically gotten me home in time to see Emma before prom, it would have meant a very rushed airport arrival.  And Emma really wanted to be at the airport to meet Daria there and of course to see her mom and Annabelle too.

I have to tell you one other little bit of the story.  When I was in Germany, Nancy and Friederich prayed for me the night before we left.  Friederich said, "I don't know what it means, but I just get the word concession coming to mind."  So here is my concession.  While I am sure this has happened before, not one person ever mentioned even trying to get the embassy and medicals all done in one day.  And to the best of my knowledge, I don't know anyone who has had this happen.  So I will take it as my concession.

Now...there is still the chance that something could happen and I haven't actually purchased the return tickets.  But...there is no reason to believe there will be any complications.  I think it would have to be a case of not having all of the necessary paperwork or something happening with the medical.  But I pray everything is in order and that tomorrow flies by without a hitch.

In the meantime, I have our return tickets on hold.  We are set to arrive in Denver at 7pm on Friday night.  We will be stopping in Washington D.C. on our way, so we will clear customs there and be home free in Denver.  I started packing this evening and doing a little house cleaning.

The girls and I made what should be our last trip to the store.  Daria is very helpful, she always insists on carrying something.  As does Annabelle, which means I had a nice easy walk home.  Daria has plowed her way through every game I have on my phone, I need to check and see what level she has made it to on Angry Birds.  She is very curious about all the documents, she wants to read everything.  Sometimes right in the middle of when we are trying to sort them all out.  I am trying to get her to say my name and ask when she wants something.  Right now, she will either point or bring whatever it is she wants to me.  Then she will stand there until I answer one way or the other.  We will get there.  I gave her soda last night at dinner, she had a really hard time falling asleep after that.  Now, no soda after lunch time.

Annabelle is all kinds of done being here.  Her defense mechanism is sleep.  She has read like three books and played a lot of games on her iPod.  I am still glad she came, glad for her, glad for Daria and glad for me.

I have been thinking about all things that I will not miss about Ukraine.  Tops on the list is the rude people at the grocery store followed closely by the incessant car alarm outside of Karen's apartment.  Although, I have always wanted to experience living in a city, I never thought it would be Kiev.  I dreamt that it would be Manhattan.  Oh well, I have gotten the shopping daily, walking where you need to go thing down.  And oddly, the city sounds have become quite comforting.  It beats the eerily quiet of Romny or the zombi land of Nikopol.  Both towns had nice qualities about them, Romny had the rolling hills that I am sure are quite beautiful in the summer and fall and that big golden pig.  Nikopol had the water right there, which unfortunately I didn't get to see until our last day.  As I looked at the lake, I had to wonder if people here ever use water for recreation like we do.

As much as I have thought about what I won't miss, there are actually things I will miss.  I met some of the most amazing people while I was here.  Folks I never would have met if it hadn't been for this adventure, and yes, I can actually call it an adventure at this point.  Not  torture or punishment, adventure. And the people God put in my path have blessed me beyond measure.  I am sure I will miss someone, but here is my best tribute...Karen, sweet, sweet Karen.  You opened up your home, your heart and your life for us.  You traveled with us, you prayed with us, you cried with us and you rejoiced with us.  For over 2 months I have come and gone, along with a variety of family members and all our stuff, thank you! Tara and Phil, it only took 2 months but I finally walked in your door and didn't cry!  Now that is a big accomplishment.  Thanks for everything, the amazing food, the cozy bed, the genuine and sincere fellowship.  I felt absolute peace every time I entered your home.  Sasha...Sasha...Sasha, wow, our 20 year old translator.  Bet you didn't know what you were getting yourself into, first real exposure to Americans and you end up with the Degnan's.  Not only did she travel everywhere with us, she even had to share a tiny, very tiny hotel room with us.  She got a little more Degnan than she bargained for there.  You baby sat me, took me to the bank, the grocery store, the pharmacy, your ordered my food, you bought my train tickets, bus tickets, picked me up at the airport, called the taxi and played hours of cards with Lily.  You even got to listen to Jamie and Lily sing Lady Gaga.  Sorry about that!  Then there is the other Sasha, Sasha's boyfriend is also Sasha, he became our trusty taxi taking picking us up in the middle of the night at the train station, dropping us off in the middle of the night at the train station.  Taking us to the notary, the embassy, the airport!  You Rock!  Then there is the ICA gang and the group from the Thursday night Bible study.  Who would have thought that I would meet a guy from Golden Colorado, who actually knew people that I knew.  Small world.  There are others, and each and everyone of you have blessed me.  Thank you, Thank you, Thank you.

I have to say something about all of you back in Colorado...Berthoud to be exact.  Grace Place...just so you know, there is no better body of believers anywhere in the world.  I choose you guys and can't wait to get back.  I had 2 offers from folks at Grace Place to come to Ukraine to be here with me and for me.  Wow, now what does that say about our church.  Clay, your wisdom and encouragement are priceless and so very appreciated.  Steve, thank you...I appreciate you beyond words.  Mama Melody, Suzie, Brenda, Cheri, Kathy, thanks for all the friendship over the years and for loving me in spite of myself.  Then there are those of you who did your own little acts of kindness, Selene, thanks for consistently checking in on me and for the support and genuine understand!  Mark, Danita and Kelsee, thanks for taking Lily and making her birthday so special.  The Stephanie's...thanks girls.  Alice, you are very wise.  Babette, you make me smile constantly.  Lori and Shar, thanks!  Lucy, thanks for you words of encouragement.  Hollis, Donna & my favorite cafe friends...I miss you! Jolene, I can't wait to visit.  Clark & Kris, Chris & Monique, the Roge's, the Garret's and Juli...all those other adoption veterans, a huge, "I am not worthy to walk in your foot steps" you guys are inspiring!  The amazing Barbara, you are right there with them.  Stacy and Calvin who relocated their family to take care of mine, wowzers!  Bill and Karen Miller, who uprooted themselves from their own ministry in Kherson to come and rescue me from the pit of despair.  Not only did the make the 2+ hour drive, then Karen actually stayed with me for a week, feeding me, walking with me, talking with me.  That was faith in action right there, I love you guys!  And there are many, many more who shared with me along the way.

Who knew I had so many friends....near and far.  Well we have only the best used to be neighbors anywhere.  Yip, the Liebman's who expanded their family to a family of 6 by taking in Lily and Emma for a week.  And the Armitage's who have taken Lily every morning for weeks.  Then as if that wasn't already enough the 2 families went on to throw Lily a birthday party complete with Rob's hot wings and some sassy gifts.  I so appreciate you guys, really beyond words.  Leaving and missing her birthday was heart wrenching and Cindi the way you just put my heart at easy that morning at the school, thank you!  Louise, I loved that you were the only person up when I got up each morning.  Thanks for popping in and saying hi so regularly.  Debbie...so glad you followed along and for your friendship.  Karen, thanks for watching out for Annabelle.  There are so many more of you, I read every single response ever posted and appreciate each and every one of you.  And Harry, my favorite customer of all. Thanks for following along on my craziness, don't hold it against me.  We will have to catch up over a cup of coffee real soon.

This journey also gave me the opportunity to reunite with several friends from days gone by.  First, Nancy, well Nancy, Friederich and Benjamin.  Thanks for taking in a very weary traveler for a week.  You fed me, both physically and spiritually and sent me back out to finish the job.  I so enjoyed our time together and wish it could have been longer.  In the process of seeing them, I also got to see our friend Lulu and get to meet her family.  What a sweet family, just like Lulu.  Thank you guys so much for welcoming us into your home and feeding us a yummy meal.  Not to mention the amazing tour guide, Christoph.  Then there was the little chats with Barbara C, thanks for your wisdom and encouragement, and I still am praying for you every time I feel the need to have a pitty party.   Paige, Eileen, Sharon, all ladies who have inspired me over the years and whom I deeply respect.

There are hundreds of others out there who have followed along on my journey.  Many of you I don't even know.  Some I have heard from, most I have not.  I have been intrigued by all of you along the way.

I would be remiss if I didn't mention the most amazing group of all.  That would those of you who actually call me family.  To the most amazing husband of all...Jamie, you are my rock!  Thank you for not institutionalizing me.  I can't believe the journey we are on.  Who would of thought, 4 girls!  Then there is my girls...all four of them.  Emma, wow who would have thought that we would be apart for nearly 10 weeks all in one year.  You are beyond your years, thanks for taking care of business, literally, while I was away.  You are amazing and make me proud every single moment of every single day.  We have a lot of catching up to do.   Annabelle, my sassafras.  I love your spunk and intensity, even though you kinda scare me sometimes.  Thanks for being my travel buddy and setting such a great example for Daria.  You had to endure some tough stuff, first being without your mother for 6 weeks and then having to travel with her for 4.  Traveling in an open compartment of an overnight train, dragging suitcases through strange cities.  Visiting an orphanage, having to meet two grieving grandma's, endless hours waiting, a Ukrainian court, brutal bus rides and eating a whole lot of chicken.  I couldn't have finished this without you and couldn't be more proud than to be called your mom.  Lily, oh my little Lily.  Talk about a travel veteran.  You did it all girl, multiple SDA appointment, one long and heartbreaking trip to Romny, a cramped and icky hotel.  Some nasty food and a very scary bus ride.  Followed by weeks of waiting, miles of walking in brutal temperatures, constantly looking for falling icebergs.  Overnight train rides, sardine packed metro rides, apartment changes, orphanage changes, being told no twice and having one turn to yes.  And then one heartbreaking goodbye at the train.  You were brave, you were fun and you were one major trooper.  Follow that up with being without your mom for nearly 6 weeks and having me miss your birthday.  You inspired me and make my heart happy constantly.  Daria, so much we don't know about one another yet.  But what I do know is that you are brave and courageous and obviously have a sense of adventure.   You are bright and smart and I can't wait to learn more.  Lets get home and start doing life already.

Beyond my immediate family there are a few others that have to be mentioned...Alicia, thanks for picking up the pieces as they fell.  We couldn't have done it without you.  I appreciate you and love you.  My Daddy, who I know has worried about me every single day.  Thanks for worrying and thanks for trusting, I love you.  My mom and Mark who have followed along from the other side of the world.  Thanks for all the Skype calls and for listening to me babble and wallow, I love you guys too.  All the Degnan bunch, from San Diego to Long Island.  Thanks for the prayers and sister Sue, thanks for constantly checking in on me.  I so appreciate and love you.  To all you attached to the Perry name, you have truly blessed me.  Thanks for including me in the family.

Then to anyone who started following this journey because you are considering traveling a similar road.  I pray my journey didn't frighten you off.  While it is certainly not what I had envisioned, at this point I wouldn't want it any other way.  I have grown more than I ever thought possible, had experiences that I wouldn't trade for anything and accomplished the goal we set out to accomplish, making an orphan no longer an orphan, rather a chosen child.  Setting her in a family forever, to love her, accept her, encourage her and give a hope and a future too.  Sure things could have gone smoother, wrapped up faster, been less expensive...but things happened EXACTLY the way God wanted.

So, for now I say goodbye.  You will hear from me again, but I will probably have to change my title.  I don't know how interesting you will find it to following my day to day life but I am sure I will enjoy writing about that just as much as I have enjoyed sharing my insanity with the world.  Oh and by the way, I'm not insane any more.  Well, only as insane as I was before this "trip" started.  Who wants to be normal anyway?

Pop in and say hi anytime, either here or at my door.  You are always welcome.

For now, I am grateful that membership has its rewards.  I am proud to be a member, of the U.S., of the body of Christ and of the Degnan's!

Just The Stats

Just for fun, or maybe to depress (or impress) myself, I started calculating the stats of this journey.

But before I give you that rundown, this is where things stand on our return home.  As it looks right now, we will be landing in Denver at about 4pm on Saturday, April 14th.  Finally!  As I had mentioned before, we were hopeful that we would get the passport on Tuesday, no such luck.  So Thursday is embassy and medical then Friday is back to the embassy.

If your curious, or just bored, read on....

Keep in mind that both Jamie and myself will have made two round trip trans-Atlantic trips each.  Plus Lily and Annabelle each made one.  Add to it Annabelle and I's diversion to Germany and the ping-pong, train/bus/taxi trips to the nether places of this fine country and we have racked up some serious miles and slept in a variety of beds, not all of them really beds at all and not all of them in a horizontal position.

Also, this is just the miles for the immediate family.  Another little note, anytime we left Kiev we had at least one, usually two translators/facilitators with us.  We got to feed and house them as well.

Total Days of the Journey:            69 (projected)

Total Air Miles Traveled:       85,484 on a combination of 5 different airlines
                          Tiffany:         27,218
                          Jamie:           25,028
                          Annabelle:    14,591
                          Lily:              12,627
                          Daria:             6,020
Total Train Miles Traveled:      4,752
                          Tiffany:           1,608
                          Jamie:              1,212
                          Annabelle:       1,044
                          Lily:                    648
                          Daria:                  240
Total Bus Miles Traveled:         1,875 (I won't bore either of us with the break-down)
Total Walking Miles Traveled:    160 (combined estimate)
Total Taxi Miles Traveled:       Who Knows...many!
Total Miles Traveled:            92,271


How I spent my nights:          16 moves between the following locations
Kiev:   Karen's:                          29 nights
           Tara's:                               3 nights
           Independence Sq:             3 nights
Romny:                                       6 nights
Nikopol:                                    14 nights
Germany:                                    5 nights
Home:                                         5 nights
Train:                                          2 nights
Plane:                                          2 nights

We won't even talk about the financial side, lets just say it was significant.  But now that I am actually capable of looking back, I am kind of impressed.  There we many days that I was certain I would not survive.  If you would have told me back in early February that come mid April I would have spent more time in Ukraine than on U.S. soil, I would have laughed at you.  Really, out loud, in your face kinda laugh.  Now, I can't believe it is almost over.  Wasn't it just last week I was certain it would never end?  Wow, God really is good, He really is Faithful and He really does carry us when we can't carry ourselves.    Believe me, this is nothing that I did.

Tonight is buy one/get one free from Domino's, guess we are having pizza!

My brain is tired from all that big math....later!

Risen

Well, for most of you it is Easter morning.  A day to celebrate the resurrection of Christ.  However, here in Ukraine they are on the orthodox calendar, which means that this year Easter is next Sunday for them.  Kind of strange really, for my family Easter is a big deal.  We alway dress up a bit more, eat a bit (well a lot) more, go to church.  We do the eggs, the easter baskets...the whole nine yards.  It kinda feels like missing Christmas.  It isn't that we aren't celebrating it at all, we are going to have Easter dinner with our friends Phil & Tara.  But that is about it.  And let me say it one last time, I hope beyond all hope that I am not still here next Sunday and celebrating it again.  This year, I think I would rather miss it than have it twice, if that makes any sense at all.  

Anyway, I am feeling much better.  No more fever, thankfully and the sore throat is nearly gone.  The cough is hanging on but that's about it.  I have been sleeping and eating...both big accomplishments from my perspective.

The sky is a beautiful bright blue today.  Looks warm after the last couple that have been a bit cloudy and rainy.  You would be proud, yesterday I actually ventured out to the store all by myself.  Yip, I finally grew up and did the shopping solo!  I even remembered to get all my produce weighed before I got to the check out.  Strange thing here, when you get produce there is an attendant standing at a scale.  You take you goodies and she weighs them and puts the little bar code tag on it.  They do that with the bakery stuff too.  While it was great to get out, it was a drag, literally, getting my purchases home.  Jug of water in one hand and my trusty Ukrainian shopping bag in the other.  Of course, this day I wanted to take the elevator and wouldn't you know it, it was broken.

Last night we three girls braved the metro together to make the trip to church.  Annabelle was reluctant, English church with Russian translation didn't sound like her cup of tea.  But I wanted Daria to experience church for the first time with some opportunity for understanding it in her native language.  I am glad we went.  I don't know exactly what she thought of it but she did sing a long with some of the songs and willingly went to Sunday school.  Another metro ride home and a late dinner compliments of Annabelle.

The metro was a first for Daria, just the beginning of many firsts for this brave little girl.  The coming weeks will be full of them.  I keep reminding myself, take it easy...her world is about to be rocked.  Everything I have felt, experienced for the past two months is going to hit her like a ton of bricks in just a matter of days.  Remember Tiffany, remember how you felt.  

I have finished several books in the last week, something I hadn't accomplished in forever.  Even a good two weeks ahead on my Bible reading plan.  I want to take the girls shopping and let them see a little bit of Kiev before we head out.  Tomorrow is probably the most realistic day to try to do that.  Who knows what the rest of the week will have in store and I don't want the opportunity to slip by and miss it. 

Other than that, I greet this Easter morning in Ukraine with hope.  Hope in Christ, which has never wavered because He is Risen.  And a hope that in just a few short days we will be home, home on earth that is.  Colorado...all my girls, my husband and even the special needs dog...all under one roof, finally and forever together.

Sick...Sick and Tired

Ok, so today is the 2 month mark.  We left Denver on February 6, 2012, just short of 9 weeks now...oh, big sigh!  God has been so very faithful, He kept me healthy and safe for all of it.  But now, I have the flu! Fever, chills, sore throat, feel like an elephant is sitting on my chest kind of flu.  I was so cold I went and soaked in the tub, with water as hot as it would go.  Then the sweat came...oh, I hate being sick.

What makes it worse is that I feel so guilty.  I have this little girl, who obviously hates being cooped up, who can barely communicate and is trapped in an apartment.  I tried to explain via google translate that I was sick, I think she understands but I still feel bad.  Then there is Annabelle, who is obviously ready to go home.  Can't blame her, I am too.  They have plugged in the Scoobie Doo Movie, Annie is watching Daria is busy playing a game on my phone.

I found out today that it looks like the passport will not be ready to pick up until Wednesday.  This was slightly disappointing, I really was hoping for Tuesday.  There is an outside chance that it could come in on Monday and be ready for pick up on Tuesday, please pray.  I know one day shouldn't make a difference, but since prom is on Saturday it does make a difference.  No matter how much I tell myself otherwise, it does matter.  To miss prom by one day, really?  God is good, I will be fine but what a blessing it would be if it worked out.

I am now trying to figure out how to start the parenting side of things.  I hate telling her no when she does something that she shouldn't.  I hate correcting her.  But I don't want to let everything go and then all of the sudden impose "these rules."  It is a balance I am sure, any advice from you veterans out there would be appreciated.  I don't want to seem mean or a push over.

Annabelle and I talk and I feel like we are leaving Daria out, I don't know how to effectively include her. Sometimes she looks at me with this cute, little confused face.  I can tell she wants desperately to understand and participate.  I tried to get her to teach me Russian words while I teach her English words.  But all she wanted to do was have the computer say the words, not her.

Annabelle has been really good with her.  But I know that won't last, the girls are used to having their own stuff and Daria has had nothing of her own.  Eventually they are gonna get mad when she comes and takes something out of their hands.  Daria likes to tickle her, it is a good way to lighten things up.  I can tell she is very playful.  I wish we could go out in the yard and play, there seems no better way to communicate than through play.

She played on a computer game yesterday, one that a friend sent me.  It was for a younger child but it was a good game for learning some basic English.  It kept her interested for a good hour.  Think maybe we will try it a bit more today.

Annabelle made spanakopita and some cinnamon crisps yesterday.  Daria like both a lot.  Last night we introduced her to an American classic, BLT's with homemade french fries.  She liked the sandwich but not the fries, I was surprised by that.  Today, Mac & Cheese for lunch and some pasta with chicken and mozzarella cheese and tomato for dinner.

Hopefully I feel better tomorrow.  I want to go to church and introduce Daria to it in a native format.  On Saturday night they do the service in translation.  She could also go to Sunday school with kids and teachers that she could communicate with.  My friends, Bill and Karen Miller...they left Ukraine with out me, but thankfully left some medicine here.  They also left Daria a New Testament that is in both English and Russian.  Thanks guys...

Please pray that I get well, that the girls don't get sick and that things goes smoothly next week.  No unforeseen complications.  Next weekend (April 15) is Easter here, which means that if we run into that week Monday is a holiday.  And we all know what holidays mean...time!

Love to all...gonna go drink some hot tea!

Communication, So it begins

Good Morning...it is actually morning for both me and those of you in the states.  However, it is the leisurely, drinking my coffee time of morning for me and you guys, well you should be asleep.

It is Thursday, tonight will be the first of the Easter services at Grace Place.  Weird, they work on the Orthodox calendar here so Easter is next week in Ukraine.  Funny to think that I am going to "miss" Easter so to speak.  To date I have missed the Super Bowl, Valentines Day, St. Patricks Day, Lily's birthday, opening day of Baseball, and ski season (although from the sounds of it, it wasn't very good anyway).  Not to mention the state swim meet and a good chunk of track season.  Really a whole season...gone.  BUT...a new season is in store for the Degnan's.

We made it back to Kiev late last night, finally getting to bed around 1am.  Done with all the trains, buses,   and random apartments.  Done with the pizza and all late night barking dogs.  Done with the random governmental buildings with dilapidated walls, worn floors, bare light bulbs hanging from the ceiling by dangerous cords, halls full of strange, unmarked doors with people shuffling in and out as if in a daze.  One medical check in Ukraine, then just the U.S. Embassy which is anything but dilapidated.  It is new, clean and beautiful, oh and it has real American bathrooms.

Yesterday, Annabelle got her first taste of a squat pot.  She was traumatized, said she felt like she needed to go shower afterward.  Ah, the adventures of world travel.

All day yesterday I was feeling that little scratch in the back of my throat and that, oh I just don't feel right kinda feeling.  Yip, it has taken 2 months but it seems I caught a bug.  Maybe it is just the release after all the "doing,"  I knew I couldn't get sick before because there is no telling the judge, "sorry, can't do court today, I don't feel good."  But now, all there is to do is wait so why not?  Nothing bad, just a sore throat and congestion.

Both of the girls are still asleep, Karen is at work so it is me and the computer for a little while.  The view from Karens window has changed yet again.  This time there are actually little flowering buds starting to pop out on the tree.  And the yard area down below, well the snow is completely gone all that remains now is mud.  But with the bright sun shining today, even that could be gone soon.  Replaced are the heavy coats with lighter and more colorful ones.  The hats are gone except for the old ladies and the little ones.  They are both still bundled tightly.  Birds have returned, I can see then and hear them.  I even saw a gentleman walking his dogs this morning.  Not an entirely odd sight, however these dogs were beautiful collies.  Most of the dogs I have seen that were actually pets and not wild, were being walked by men and most were the of the more manly variety.  Not well groomed, beautiful collies.

Anyway, today will be our first day as just the 3 of us.  Up till now we have had a translator with us.  Now we gotta start figuring this communication thing out.  Google translate, here we come.  Our first mission, well after breakfast and figuring out what is what, will be going to the market to get food.  This will be my first attempt at shopping, really shopping, no Jamie, no Sasha.  I will let you know how that works out.  I am sure something funny will come of it.  Beyond that, we are gonna lie low.  Maybe watch a movie, play a game...

Daria is very curious, really about everything.  She wants to touch, look at, open everything.  And she is very helpful, she helped me make Annabelle's bed last night.  She is not withdrawn, doesn't seem to want to be off by herself, yet she isn't clingy either.  The only thing I worry about right now is making sure that she stays with me when we are out and about.  Seems she has a sense of adventure and isn't afraid to lead the way.  But when I can't communicate with her, that worries me a bit.  That and thinking that keeping her in her seat on the airplane might be a challenge.  The train for 6 hours was hard enough, she would stand up in her seat and fiddle with the lights, talk to Olga.  I can't say as I blame her, it is hard for me to sit for an hour but we are gonna have to talk about appropriate behavior.  She is certainly not out of control by any means...just needs a little guidance.

Her concept of ownership is not there.  At the orphanage, these kids have nothing of their own.  In fact, the few things that Daria did have from her trips to Spain, she insisted on leaving.  So much so that her teachers had to nearly force her to take her photo albums that the family had made for her.  To her, she wanted to leave everything behind for the others.  But in the meantime, it will be a transition getting her to understand that everyone has things that are just theirs.  And while I want everyone to share, you have to ask, not just take.  The hard part is that right now, she has nothing that is just hers.  That will get easier as we learn to communicate.

Before we left Nikopol her aunt set her up with a Russian Facebook page, not sure what to do with that yet.  For now, we will let it be.  There is plenty of time to work all that out at home.  I want her to be able to stay connected with them but I don't like it when it is something that I can't monitor.

Today we sit, and hang out...and try to work out a system to communicate.  Hand gestures and pointing...hum!  Tomorrow we hope for news on what the rest of the timeline might look like.

Gotcha....

Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep his promises.
                                                                                                                                                 Heb. 10:23
Where to start, where to start...

Leaving the orphanage for the last time.  An orphan no more.

Well it only took 57 days, but we got her!  And for a gotcha day, couldn't have gone much smoother.  It started out looking a like it might get a little rough, but in the end we got everything we need from all of the local officials.  Well, almost...tomorrow morning we have to stop at the head of the local passport office so he can sign the last of the passport documents.  Then we are off on our LAST bus ride...back to Dnipropetrovsk to submit for the passport, YEA!!!  If all goes as planned, we will be on a 5pm train bound for Kiev, YEA!!!

The goodbye at the orphanage was without fanfare.  She was obviously loved by her teachers and caregivers.  They were all there with hugs and words of encouragement.  Each telling me how smart and what a good girl she was.  They were all very happy for her.  Most of the girls from her group were there with hugs of good bye.  It was very sweet to witness.  And before we knew it, we were walking out those orphanage doors...never to return.

This evening I witnessed love in action, real love.  The act of one family giving a child up, in spite of their grief, for the hope of a better life and future.  We went to say goodbye to both grandma's, her aunt and her brother.  Once again, we went to grandma's tiny apartment.  This apartment is smaller than the front room of my house back in Colorado.  A tiny, and I do mean tiny, kitchen, a living room which is grandma's bed room and one bedroom.  It is up 5 flights of stairs in a typical soviet block style building.  The stairway is very dark, very dirty and the 60 steps up can't possibly be negotiated by grandma, she is way to frail.

This family blessed me, not only are they sending Daria off to another land with me, a stranger.  They sent gifts for the other girls, candle holders, picture holder, candy and a Russian doll and some homemade jams and local honey.  They shared stories, asked about our religion, our work.  They talked about who really was the boss...of course it is me, not Jamie.  What else would a house full of women say.  They gave us pictures of Daria and her family from when she was little.  They told us a little about her teeth, watch for wisdom teeth. And the aunt invited us to Moscow for a visit.  When it was time to say goodbye I asked if I could take a picture of each of them with Daria.  While the aunt and that grandma were happy too, the other grandma couldn't bring herself to do it.  It was my pleasure to say goodbye to each of these lovely ladies with a hug and kiss and assurance that Daria would be loved and well cared for.  I also promised that we would stay in touch.  I feel forever connected to them and honored that they trust me so.  It was heart wrenching to watch grandma say goodbye, she was trying so hard to be brave, but her heart was breaking.  I can only imagine...

The others walked downstairs with us.  We take photo's outside, the brother never spoke to me but he was gracious.  I look up and grandma with a scarf on her head, is leaning out an open window...her last goodbye.  I was able to snap a photo of that, Daria will want that some day.  The tears were flowing for all us grown ups, finally aunt and grandma hurry away before the emotion is too much.  As I sit in the back seat of the taxi with Daria, I see one grandma leaning out her window, the other, looking back over her shoulder...goodbye.  That moment forever frozen in my mind.  That was love, it wasn't that she wasn't wanted or loved...it was that they love her so much that they want what is best for her, not themselves.  I am humbled.

Meanwhile, Daria never shed a tear.  I could see the emotion on her face.  But this little girl had made a decision and she was ready to move ahead.  She looked back...I saw her.

We went for our last pizza at our favorite (or Daria's & Annabelle's) pizza place.  Crepes for me, pizza for everyone else.  We walk back to the apartment, Daria prompts Annie first into a backward foot race, then before you know it they are both running full on to the apartment.  Right now the two girls are on the bed, one reading and one playing on the iPod.  Everyone is showered, fed and trying to start to get to know each other.  All three of us have to share a bed tonight, so I guess we will be figuring out each others sleep habits.

Thanks for all the prayers, the tax code thing worked out perfectly.  Not only did it NOT take a week as we were originally told, we got it the same day!  YEA!  Now just keep on praying, if it could go something like that with the passport it would be a grand slam!  Oh, I'm back...even using the sport analogies.  I have been avoiding the sports references...mostly because I am pissed off with the Broncos and the whole Tim Tebow thing...maybe I am with Annabelle...Go JETS!  Just kidding, I will always be a Bronco fan...but no longer an Elway fan.

You probably won't hear from me tomorrow...will be a moving target all day long.  But by Thursday morning we will be settled back at Karen's.

Oh, and this is for you Harry...thanks for following along.  Tell Hollis I am gonna be hungry when I get home...and anxious to get back with all my favorite customers and co-workers.  And Daria seems to be quite the little brainiac and athlete.  Fast in the brain, fast on foot.  Can't wait to see you, we will have to visit over coffee.

Counting...Counting...Counting...Country Road, Take me home...

And the Last Shall become the First

Wow, weary world traveler here.  Pretty lame really, I can't hardly call myself a world traveler but I do have the route from Kiev to Nikopol down.  Even the walk from the train station to the bus station in Dnipropetrovsk, which by the way, was scary today.  Don't know why, but I was not liking that walk one bit!

Our morning started early with a 6:15 cab ride, followed by a 6 hour train ride.  While I was able to sleep for the first half, after that, not so much.  Now that all the snow has melted you can really see the land for what it is worth.  In some places it is rich farm land, that black looking soil that we have none of in Colorado.  But then, you also see where they throw their garbage, just over the bank near the railroad tracks, and not just here and there...lots of it.  There is possibility but it appears so little hope.  While some people are busy raking and cleaning up the area around their apartments, the piles of trash have only grown.  And with the wild dogs roaming around, it is impossible to keep it contained.  They do have dumpsters, if you want to call them that.  And even what appears to be a recycle bin of sorts.  But still, there is just as much garbage on the ground as in the dumpsters.

Like I said yesterday, I am thinking in terms of "lasts" now.  Today was my last train/bus ride in a southern direction.  Yippy!  Today marks the last time visiting Daria as an orphan and our last visit in the orphanage.  I can't tell you how good that feels.  While my "lasts" are reason for me to celebrate, she is having her own lasts.  Today was her last day of school and tonight is her last night sleeping in an orphanage.  She has eaten her last dinner at the orphanage and is spending her last night with her friends of the past 2 years.  I am sure this is scary and hard for her.  Tomorrow she must say goodbye to her grandmothers and her aunt.  This is likely the last time she will see her grandmothers.  I got to meet the aunt today, she was kind and lovely.  She traveled from Moscow to say goodbye and to meet us and all she asks is that we stay in touch with her, which of course I will encourage always.  So while my eyes are fixed on my home, I don't want to celebrate at her expense.  She has some unfinished business here.

Tomorrow, she is ours!  Daria Hope Degnan, born July 25 2001 but born into our family on April 3, 2012.  She will walk out of those orphanage door for the last time to a life that she can all only imagine.  Tomorrow, everything changes...forever.

The morning will start with the application for the new birth certificate followed by a tax id number, some where in there we get to pick her up, sometime after noon I suppose.  Then we get the passport photo, go see grandma, probably eat our last pizza and hopefully manage to finish all we need to so that we can catch the 7am bus out of Nikopol on Wednesday morning, Lord willing.  I have her clothes packed, waiting at the front door, along with a few little gifts for the care givers.

For now, my Annabelle and I are settled into our favorite little apartment in Nikopol.  She playing on her iPod and drinking tea, me typing away and having a glass of wine.  What a blessed lady I am...hey Annabelle...thanks, you are amazing and I love you!

Tomorrow, Daria, Annabelle and I share a last and a first.  Last farewell to the orphanage and our first night as a family, even though it is still incomplete.  Completion will come when my arms are around James, Emma and Lily and we all finally settle in for our first night as a complete family, home in Colorado.  Country Road...take me HOME!

From Frozen to Free

Today Annabelle and I flew back to Kiev from Stuttgart, Germany.  It was a lovely retreat, in the arms of some of the dearest friends.  I can't always remember what I have shared so forgive me if it is a repeat.  But Friederich and Nancy Luckhof are friends from way back to the Aspen days.  And two of the most influential people in my life.  They walked through some of life's biggest moments with me.  Some good, such as my wedding and the birth of two of my girls.  But also through what is up to this point the most difficult and heartbreaking time in my life.  The death of my sister, Bobbi.  It had been 13 years since we had seen each other, but it seemed like not a moment had passed.  It was fun to meet Benjamin, who makes me look very, very short (oh, wait...I am short).  Thank you guys, the time away was a blessing.  Annabelle and I felt so loved and so honored to be able to stay with you.  Thanks for continuing to pour into my life and that of my family.  I love you guys.

Our trip back was uneventful.  At some point, maybe much later down the road, I will have to retrace our steps and count the miles.  For now, that might be a bit overwhelming.  Not to mention the fact that it isn't over yet.  I can say I am starting to think in terms of "lasts" now and transitioning into counting the days, not the weeks.  Today was the last time (Lord willing) I will be on in inbound plane to Kiev.  At least the last time for a very, very long time.  I can't say I will never come back, I am sure someday it will be a good idea.  For now, time and distance are the best medicine.

We made it back to the safety of Tara and Phil's house, our little American oasis in the middle of Kiev.  For some reason, I cry every time I walk in their door.  I think it must be the release of not having to worry about a thing, or the familiarity of the American family system.  What ever it is, I like it.  We only have a few short hours of rest before we have to catch the 7am (hopefully the last) train.  After 5 hours on the train, we will make our walk to the bus station to catch our 2 hour bus ride back to Nikopol and to Daria.

While we can't actually pick her up until Tuesday, tomorrow will be our last visit at the orphanage.  Then Tuesday the paper chase begins.  That is where we could use some prayers.  Seems everything hinges on the time it takes to get the passport.   Once the passport is done it is just 3 days or so of embassy/medical stuff and we can head home.  The way it plays out is Tuesday is "gotcha day" and then straight to get birth certificate.  Spend one last night in Nikopol before we head back to Dnipropetrovsk by bus (hopefully the last) to apply for the passport.  The goal is to be on train (hopefully our last) back Kiev on Wednesday evening.  Once in Kiev, we wait.  Once passport is done, it will be brought to us and we will then finish it up get home.

I am ready!  I am rested, or as rested as I have been for the past 2 months.  I am focused, the view of the finish line is getting clearer.  Let's get er done!

Thinking of Daria, she only has 2 nights left sleeping in a cold orphanage.  I think of her bright and cheery room that Lily has waiting at home.  What a huge contrast that is going to be.  I wonder what is going through her little head.  What are her fears?  What is she excited about?  How much courage it takes for a little girls to make such a drastic change.  Go to another country with a family she doesn't know, to a culture so different from her own.  A new language, new foods, new smells.  I pray that God is preparing her little heart right now.  I also pray that He keeps mine soft.  If you ask my other girls right now, I am sure they would say that's no problem.  I still get the leaky eyes pretty regularly.

It dawned on me today, as the plane was nearing the airport, that things have really changed.  The landscape has changed.  When we first flew in here on February 6, everything was frozen.  All you could see as far as the eye would go was white and grey.  I had no idea there was so much water around the city.  Now you can see the free flowing water, the farm land starting to sprout out with life, trees are turning green.  It was pretty actually!

Then it dawned on me that a lot has changed in me as well.  I am no longer frozen either, not by fear, not by anxiety, not by depression.  My heart is flowing freely.  It has been a long journey, one that I never saw coming.  Looking back, at certain points in the journey I wasn't sure I would make it to this point.  I am sure some of you were thinking the same thing.  And while it is certainly not over yet, I am proud how far I have come.

One of my last experience in Stuttgart was a trip to the city center.  Got to see some of the city sites and realize that really most of us, we are just alike.  While wondering through a market filled with every variety of sausage, cheese, fresh veggies, beer and wine, we come around a corner to where a band was playing.  They are just starting a song, my heart stopped...I was "Country Road" by John Denver.  I nearly lost it right there, but for Annabelle's sake I pulled it together.  But that is now my anthem...country road, take me home, the place where I belong...

For now, I prepare for bed reflecting on the goodness of God.  His faithfulness, His Mercy.  Not only has the land gone from frozen to free, so have I.  And it is a nice place to be.