Relishing the Normalcy

Fear not, I haven't fallen off the face of the earth.  Simply relishing the past 48 hours.

So how did the return trip home go?  It started on Wednesday afternoon, with a 2 hour bus ride, 5 hour train ride, a 2 hours rest, one short taxi ride in the wee hours of the morning, one 2 hour flight from Ukraine to Germany, followed by a 5 hour layover and then the giant jump across the pond of my 10 flight to Denver, of which I was securely sandwiched in the middle seat...land locked.  No view and no exit!  But I made it, by 4pm on Thursday, I was in the arms of my family

Funny really, when you are so anxious to get somewhere it seems that those things that should be so small, get so big.  Kinda like as I am waiting for my luggage to arrive so I can race through customs, the conveyor breaks.  All I could think about was my family waiting on the other side of those doors.  They were so close and yet so very far away.  After a 15 minute delay, and getting passed up by two other flights that arrived later than us, finally!  As soon as my bags popped out, I was off.  Straight to the doors, looking for the girls before I even got to them.  I am so very certain that I made a scene, I pushed my luggage cart off without any regard for where it went and went sobbing into my girls arms.  In fact, the tears started before I even got to the doors.  I had but one mission, hold my family in my arms, kiss them, hug them, smell them....HOME!  My heart had come home!

Funny really, how fast you catch back up with life.  To me, to a large degree, life had stopped.  Those simple things that are so routine, so normal, that just keep happening like clock work.  To my amazement, they were still happening.  And I couldn't wait to participate.

Right now, Colorado is experiencing spectacularly glorious weather.  Bright blue Colorado mountain sky, warm, spring like temperatures, snow covered mountains in the distance.  The girls were all wearing shorts and flip flops.  Big change to my long coat and snow boots.  I couldn't wait to feel the warmth on my face and the sunlight on my skin.

After the most amazing shower of my life, I stepped outside, barefoot, t-shirt & shorts...simply spectacular.  I was even able to sleep, well sort of.  Given I had had 2 hours of sleep in the past, well 36 hours, I was exhausted.  But I was up on Friday morning early enough to see the two big girls off to school, those of you who know me, know that is not normal.  From there, the day just went.  Completely filled with life.  After an emotional reunion (and my first latte in 6 weeks) with all my friends at Grace Place (I love you guys) it was business as usual.  Grocery store, Target to replace my hair dryer that blew up on day one in Ukraine, then Macy's for some make up.

On my way home I noticed that something was very wrong with the trusty mini van.  The  transmission was slipping, bad!  In fact, I wasn't sure I was even going to make it home (glad to report, I did).  It was the vans way of saying "welcome home, oh and do you have an extra $2,000 laying around to fix me?  Next time you'll think twice about leaving me sitting here in the cold for 6 weeks."  Ugh, really?  Now?  So the van and I limp our way into Berthoud where is sits, waiting its repair.  Normally, this would really send me into a tizzy.  My normal response when a car breaks down, well guess we better get a new one.  Which is funny really, since I have only ever owned one true new car.  My trusty van was purchased with nearly 100,000 miles on it and now has almost 180,000.  Guess that $2,000 repairs is cheaper than a car payment, or a newer less used car.  I suppose it is nothing more than an expensive inconvenience, right....?

For our Friday night, the house was full of some of my favorite Berthoud teens.  Lots of laughter, lots of food, lots of joy!  I wouldn't of wanted it any other way.  Times like that make my heart so very happy.

Today, more normal.  I had my first Starbucks coffee in 6 weeks.  I got my first sunburn of 2012, it is a ridiculous sunburn as well.  My face is nice and toasty with full raccoon eyes, I have criss cross stripes on my feet from my flip flops and the top of one wrist.  But, oh how it feels so good.

I am not sure the family (or my friends) knows what to do with the new me.  The one who is sentimental and weeping and at the most bizarre times.  Seems every time I see a friend for the first time, the water works start.  I find myself constantly telling my girls how proud I am of them, how much I love them!  And I am and I do.  They are amazing!  Their strength, gives me strength, their courage, gives me courage.

Honestly, I am still struggling with anxiety.  Trying to keep pressing through.  I am so grateful for the network of support and for the opportunity to come home for this time.  It is good for me, body, mind and spirit.  A time for God to pour into me and build me back up so that I can finish what we have started.  I am looking forward to going to church tomorrow, the fellowship of believers is priceless.

As for an update on where things stand.  For now our court date is April 2.  There is an outside chance that it could be moved up, even as early as this week. So for now, I will try my best to rest in Gods love and grace knowing that his timing is perfect and so we will wait (patiently upon the Lord).