Today has been an emotionally charged day. I have been weepy all day long. I was so uneasy about going to the orphanage. What if she changed her mind over night? Well, she didn't. One of her first questions was, "how soon can the paperwork be done?" That did my heart good. She is preparing herself to leave, start a new life in America. I am not naive, it isn't done until our plane takes off from Kiev bound for a distant land. How scary must this be for her, how much courage this takes on her part...and there is so much that has to happen between now and then. BUT...if God can swoop in and change her heart the way He did yesterday, then it may be a rollie pollie ride but He has us covered.
Today was good for my soul, oh, so good. It started with me crying in the notary office. Don't ask why, I don't know why, but I cried. I cried there, I cried at the orphanage, I cried when I read email, I cried when I skyped with life long friends, I cried when I read FaceBook messages from my girls and from my friends. I cried at dinner...got it, I cried. I fully realize what lies ahead. I get it that Jamie and Lily are leaving me here on Friday night. I understand that this is NOT a done deal. So I cried.
Lily came in about an hour ago, she had done the math and figured out that I was going to miss her 10th birthday. She was trying so hard to be brave, she is ready to go home but for me to miss her birthday...really? It broke my heart, and of course, I cried again.
I feel better right now than I have in over 48 hours. I have skyped, face timed, emailed and face booked all evening. I have connected with friends that I have held close for the past 15 years, from Aspen days and from Berthoud days. Got to chat with the beloved Barbara in Texas the pillar Nancy in Germany, and the endearing Eileen and the sister Alicia in Denver and the ever wise Kris, how we love each of you. Messaged Emma and Annie in Berthoud and posted a "Lily" thought on Facebook. Actually ate dinner and kept it down. My heart is rejoicing at the AMAZING network of support and love that I have.
Today we named our newest daughter, we are keeping her given name (to be shared later) and gave her a middle name of our choosing, Hope. She is a gift of Hope. She liked it and we can't wait to officially introduce her once we get through the court process.
Many unanswered questions remain, namely when we will be home. What I can say for now is that Jamie will be home on Sunday and on Tuesday we will have a clearer picture of what a real time line might look like. I can say with complete certainty that the road ahead is long and we appreciate all the prayers that are offered for a smooth and obstacle free conclusion. Simply praying for favor...but submitting to God, knowing that He knows best. He proved Himself yesterday, in a big, big way.
I do not deceive myself, I know that when Jamie and Lily leave on Friday night that I will be a mess. But I know, that I know that this is the right decision, despite the financial impact , for them to go home. Annabelle and Emma need them home, I need them home. I do not relish the idea of being here alone in a country I don't understand, but God is still God and I trust Him.
The measure of gratitude and appreciation that I feel for all of our friends and family is truly unexplainable, but please do not stop appealing on our behalf. God alone has the power to change the heart of the officials and authorities. And I pray that ways would be made where there is no way. God has shown Himself real and big in the events of yesterday, but until our plane leaves Kiev, I will be uneasy and yet expectant.
We should have a better picture on Tuesday after our facilitator meets with the judge as what the actual timeline looks like, so keep that in mind come Monday night. I will feel better when I can actually start plotting out what the following weeks will look like. I can control so little that even being able to plan, even if it has to change, brings me comfort. Guess that is the planner in me.
The entire past 30 hours is really so far beyond my comprehension that it is going to take some time to process. So many things that are so far beyond (thankfully) human comprehension that there is nothing else to do other than point to God. Which honestly, is all we asked from the very beginning. This has never been about us, even though so often I have been completely wrapped up in myself that I could barely see the light of day.
Again, do not misunderstand. This is not over, we have a very long way to go. We thought we would be wrapping things up by now, yet we are just getting started. Many obstacles, many hurdles but I can kind of see a light at the end of the tunnel. I can't wait to see that BIG light in the way of purchased return airline tickets.
In the meantime, I know that there has been much rejoicing. Rightly so, but please remember that this is truly just beginning. Love on my husband and girls when you see them next week. Trust me, I will feel it! Pray earnestly on my behalf and I so look forward to a joyful reunion when me and our new daughter get home. You all know that I LOVE a good party! There will be dancing in the streets. But PLEASE keep praying in the mean time, I know that not all for you consider yourselves the "praying type" but let me tell you, from where I am standing right now, there is no explanation other than an all powerful God who has a heart for the fatherless, otherwise we would have been home 2 weeks ago. I am a weakling, a wimp really, this is so, so not me...so I challenge you, test it, you will see that God is real and He is big.
For now, I pray I can sleep tonight not worrying about all I have or what I will miss but trusting all that will be gained for the kingdom.
I have so much love and appreciation for each of you, praying kind or not. Each of you has impacted my life and without that impact there is simply no way I could be doing what I am doing.
So, I humbly say thank you, you have blessed me and my only hope is that I can be a blessing in return. I know that there will more "bottom feeder" experiences for me to come before I get home, but each of you inspire me to keep pressing on, Thank You!!!
I had no plan of seeing spring in Ukraine, but maybe God did....pray me home!
If anyone is interested, my Skype is tiffany.degnan68 and I might be needing some chatter over the coming weeks.
Love to all and as I say to my girls, kiss, kiss, hug, hug...out!
I cant post on the comment above for some reason, but- you have prayers from us. We have "been there done that" twice in the past 14 months. I cried and cried and cried to anyone and everyone that would listen to me at odd hours of the day via skype from Karen's friend's apartment in Kyiv. I sat there and just looked at my daughter at home through my computer screen, unable to speak a word, because she would know I was crying. Hardest weeks of my life!
ReplyDeleteWe're praying. Stay strong. Set a plan for each day. Do something new. Try something new. Explore this weird little world of Ukraine. You'll miss it some day... maybe ;)
Blog often :)