I find myself looking back almost as much as I look ahead. Looking at life through windshield in light of the rearview mirror. I am where I am right now because of the events of the past, nearly 3 months. I can't believe where I have been and even more...I can't believe where I have come. And even more than that, I can't wait to see where I am in the weeks ahead. God is Good.
Part of me can't believe that I am actually home. That I actually did it and am home with the little girl that God had in mind for us. Yet at the same time, it already seems like a lifetime ago. I look at the current temperatures in Ukraine and can't believe that it is the same place that I was just 2 short weeks ago.
There were several bombings last week in a city that we traveled through on multiple occasions. Again, I see God's hand in it and am so thankful that He protected us. We traveled in some crazy vehicles...yet we were safe. We never got sick, not really sick. We never got hurt. Our safety was never in question, at least as far as we knew. Our girls back home were safe, healthy.
As I walked around our house, it was obvious that we had to get some new family photo's done. I can't imagine being part of a family yet seeing no pictures of myself anywhere in sight. So last week we went and did just that. Family photo's are always an adventure right. Full of stress and tension. But we did it, we survived despite Daria being convinced that she was going to starve to death. I can't wait to share some photos when we get them back. For now, you are stuck with my pictures...sorry.So many questions about life as we know it now, right? Has Daria started school? Yes, one week in and she is doing great. She has made many friends including Fiona, Kaitrin, Markli, Sarah and Daisy. She comes straight into the house and goes to work on her homework. She did her math homework, which consisted of 5 word problems. Not only did she get it done quickly, she got it done right without any help from us.
How is her English? Amazing, we have only used Google translate 2 times. Each day her vocabulary just expands. She is always able to get her point across as are we.
Is she homesick? By all appearances, NO. We really need to call her grandma but we have not found ourselves at home very often at a time that would find grandma awake.
How are the other 3 doing with the transition? Again, Amazing. They have been all-stars. Emma took Lily and Daria to the store tonight, partly to get a t-shirt that Emma needed for school but partly to get earrings for Daria. Unfortunately, Emma figured out on the way home that while Daria's ears "had" been pierced, they have since closed. Now it looks like we will be going to Claire's, and oh, how I hate Claire's, to get her ears "re" pierced. Annabelle, the please don't touch me kid...well, she allows hugs from Daria with no protest, and doesn't complain when Daria makes her way into her room early in the morning on a weekend. So far, Lily has been the biggest all-star. She has had to make the most changes and feels the impact constantly. They have all been gracious, kind, compassionate and patient.
How is she eating? Pretty good. She loves American cheese burgers, despite the Russian cartoon she keeps showing us depicting the big buff guy eating an American cheeseburger and immediately ballooning up into a big fat dude, she thinks it is very funny. However, the mayonnaise on spaghetti last night was a bit much for me.
What does she like best about our house so far? Bo (the dog) an Pumba (the cat), don't worry, I don't take it personally. What are her favorite things to do? Take Bo for walks and ride her bike.
What is her favorite American saying? Ironically, it is "one sec." Which is also Emma's favorite saying. So much so that we have threatened to get her personalized license plates that say just that, one sec. That made me laugh.
Her English is so good that sometimes I take for granted that she understands what I am saying. Like tonight when she finished her dinner (and oh by the way she wasn't hungry, yet cleaned her plate) I asked her to put her plate in the dishwasher. She politely told me "no thank you." I said, "no really Daria, please put your plate in the dishwasher." Again, "no thank you." Then, in true Tiffany form, bright as usual, I figure out that she has no idea what I am asking. Keep in mind that this is after Jamie tells her that she isn't going to be able to ride her bike if she doesn't put her plate in the dishwasher. Once I got up off my lazy backside and showed her what I was saying, it was of course no problem.
With school, for the most part this has been a really positive experience. With the exception of one uptight "specials" teacher who really needs to let the belt out a notch or two. On day one Jamie and I took her to her class before the bell. Just like the airport, she led the way, a step or three ahead of us all the way. All her classmates knew that she was starting that day and it was priceless watching them look through the window, anxiously awaiting the bell. They made her welcome posters and her new teacher, Mr. Book was great showing her the ropes.
On day two, when I pulled up at school I asked her if I could walk her to her class door. Her response, NO! Really, no? I was proud and heartbroken all at the same time. I think I walked Emma to her class for a good year.
She still doesn't call me anything. So today when she asked for water, I told her I would be happy to give it to her is she asked either Tiffany or Mom, "can I have my water?" She never did, so I never gave her her water. She is good about calling the girls by name so I am sure we will get there. I am also sure that it is weird. Who are we really?
Last Friday, Jamie took me to my first Colorado Rockies game of the year. It was perfect! Even the drunk idiot behind us couldn't put a damper on our evening when he sneezed and poured his beer down Jamie's back. Guess that is because it wasn't my back right? He eventually was escorted out, we, well we enjoyed a great Rockies victory on a nearly perfect Colorado spring evening.
Today we went to the Zoo. Daria's first American zoo experiences. It was a perfect day for it. Temperatures in the upper 70's, light clouds and no wind. Ahhhhh. We saw all the monkey clan, everyones favorites. Tigers, or as Daria referred to them, Pumba's. She even told me that she wants a hamster for her birthday. I don't really know how to break it to her that the only pre-nup that Jamie and I had was that there would be no reptiles or rodents as pets. One thing at a time right.We had our first party since returning from Ukraine. Two of our favorite families came out on Sunday for some food and fun. The laughter of the kids and a little good spirited fun between the adults was priceless.
The catering season is off and running with our first event of the season last night. Nothing big, just a corporate dinner for 18. But it is a good test run, so to speak. We kick things off in earnest this Saturday with our first wedding. It is looking like a good season ahead, with over 30 events on the books and more to come. I can't wait to jump back in on Saturday. In May alone we have 7 events, plus one state track meet, one 8th grade formal and presentation, several softball games, a 4th grade field trip followed by the elementary field day, graduation and the parties that go along, and I still haven't had a haircut or my nails done in 14 weeks. Oh, yea and in order to get Daria covered by our insurance we have to have a physical and then drop all the "original" documents off at the insurance company. Then we have the dental appointments that need to happen for several girls. Wow...I am thinking that looking at the calendar to far in advance might just be a bad thing.
Insurance, well that is a funny thing right now. While Emma's car was totaled by the insurance and since replaced. I am still waiting for the other shoe to drop. I am pretty sure that we are going to be cancelled. Too many claims...one hail, one flood (oh, so very expensive), and one totaled car. Then there is the claim that wasn't claimed...classic Colorado micro-burst last August that claimed one tree, one window and one perfectly good pair of curtains.
So they say that things come in three's, right? Between my car....$3,000 in repairs last month. Emma's car...totaled=purchase of a new car. Then there is the little detail of the guy who hit Emma "retaining an attorney," Frankin D. Azar and Associates. Are we done now? I don't really think so, Jamie's dad is failing pretty rapidly, which is heartbreaking.
But.....we feel so blessed. While our (my) time in Ukraine was anything but easy, efficient, or fast the transition so far on the state side has been so much better than we could have ever expected. We do not fool ourselves by thinking that this is going to be a cake walk. There is no way that there will not be issues, big issues that come up in the future. Some of those issues could even be with the three bio kids that we already had. For now, we are simply thankful. Thankful that we are all together, thankful that Daria is adapting so well, thankful that the other three have been all-stars and for me, thankful that I am NOT in Ukraine.
So here is a funny one for you. I actually miss a few things about Ukraine. While in Nikopol, I stayed in an apartment of a lovely lady and her husband. They actually moved out so that I could move in. She looked so much like Sygourney Weaver and by what I could pick up on, her husband was a former miliarty man, serving in possibly the Russian Navy in a submarine. The kindness and gentleness in her eyes was unmistakable. Anyway, they had this bed, really a couch that the top cushion flipped over to make a large bed. While the bed itself had much to be desired, I miss the pillows. They weighed, really...like 10 pounds. All feathers, a big square pillow. My head would sink right into it. Really the pillows in general in Ukraine were like that. Heavy, lovely. Then there were these pastries, light, flaky and filled with cherries...yum! I miss a few precious people I met....Tara and Karen to be specific. Random, crazy car alarm...I don't miss you. And those crazy wild dogs...don't miss your night time barking either.
Lily and I were talking today about our experience in Ukraine. Annabelle, Jamie and I have done the same. It is so strange really. Part of it is still so raw, so real that I have a hard time believing that it is behind me. Yet part of it seems like a life time ago. Even though we have only been home just over 2 weeks. We have done SO much in these two weeks. Yet again, we have lightened our load too. I have made a bunch of dinners. Tonight I made BBQ chicken, home made biscuits, dill roasted potatoes and tomato, mozzarella salad. One of the girls asked me when we were going to have a "normal" dinner. Meaning the old standby, pasta. We have been out to eat once and gotten pizza once, otherwise...I have been cooking. Lily actually went to school and told her teach how nice it was having a "mommy." I help with lunches, make dinner and have even managed a couple of breakfasts....go figure.
While I am truly loving being a full time mom, I have to admit that I miss the cafe and the church. I miss my coworkers and my customers. These are all people that I have spent the past 9 years growing with. I miss the social connection and the support. I don't want to go back full time, but I would love to work a day or two a week. I think when summer hits, the girls will appreciate that as well. Just saying, I am a doer...much more effective when I am busy. It has been hard being away from something that has been such a part of me for so many years.
When Jamie and I went to the baseball game last week, I went to grab dinner for us, he went to get tickets. As I was walking back through the city to meet him, it struck me. Wow, I am once again walking through a city. A densely populated city, with many people making their way by foot. Most headed to the game, others just trying to get out of the city and make their way home. But here I was, alone, walking once again through a city. And wow, it was so very different. While to a certain degree a city is a city. There is dirt, homelessness, noise, congestion. Yet the difference this time is that I could understand EVERYTHING that was going on around me. The drunk homeless guy that the fire department was trying to help, I got it. The street signs, I could read. The voices around me, I understood. It was the first time I had really walked since I got home. That in and of its self was a bit strange. Walking was my mode of transportation for 10 weeks. Walk to the market, walk to the subway, walk to the SDA, walk to the orphanage...walk. I think that is why my back felt so much better over there. That or the pillows.
As I talk about the walking, I can't help but think about the shoes. For the first 6 weeks, I literally wore the same pair of snow boots every single day. When I came home for the "4 day" turnaround, I refused to take those boots back with me. I knew I needed to take boots, the ice and snow had yet to fully melt, I couldn't stand to take the same ones with me. Since I have been home, I have made my way through a good portion of the shoe line up. Trust me, we aren't there yet but we are well on our way. I have worn wedges, flip flops, sneakers, cute flats and my Tom's. Ah, variety! Same applies for clothes. I have yet to put on any of the jeans or shirts that make the trip. In fact, not all of the stuff even came home with me. Rough environment for a clothes/shoes girl.
I have to say we are settling into a routine. We are identifying certain little traits, but nothing that is hugely alarming as of yet. I can't say enough about Emma, Annabelle or Lily. Emma and Annabelle are both creating projects for school that center around our adoption journey. Annie has welcomed Daria into her room (her personal & private space) to listen to music. Emma has helped her with homework and taken her shopping. All of them have played soccer & softball, jumped on the tramp, taken walks or bike rides. But so far Lily is the real champ. Not only is she sharing a room, they are in the same grade. Lily is very watchful of Daria, making sure she knows where she is at all times. She has to share her toys, her stuff...and has very little break. I have hardly ever heard her tell Daria no, which has meant a lot of throwing a ball, riding of bikes, walking with dogs, jumping on the tramp, kicking a soccer ball, playing the wii...you name it, she has done it. And trust me, it isn't alway easy. We have had a couple of little conflicts, but Lily handles it like a superstar. Super proud of all the girls. This isn't easy for any of them, including Daria.
We have been talking about our experience, all of us. Tonight, for the first time we included Daria in that conversation. I am pretty confident that I need to do something with this story. I just don't know what yet. For now, I will keep writing as I feel led. No restriction to once a week, read it if you want and I will post as it comes. For now, we just keep on keepin on. Enjoying the journey.
So while I am focused on my view out the windshield, I can't help but reflect on the view in my rearview mirror. Both are so profound, both so full of adventure. Hopefully the one out the windshield has bit less "crazy" and a bit more "confidence." Not the comfortable kind of confidence, I don't really ever want to be "comfortable" again. But maybe just a little less "un" with the comfortable. The kind of comfort that I might be able to offer others, my girls included. The kind of confidence that I might be able to share to inspire other to go further than they thought possible, endure more than they ever thought they could and make a greater impact for the kingdom than they ever thought imaginable. If I can do, so can you. And while the temptation is great to linger in the rearview, hope in is in the future. I plan to use the past to empower my future...how about you?
I do plan to write more about my experiences of the past, only in terms of what that can do for the future. Honestly, I do not ever, EVER, want to forget the experiences that got me to where I am today. But at the same time, life is for living...in the now, for the kingdom, for the future.
Enough of the rearview...it is time to look out the windshield.
Miss you, too!!!! We started our countdown M&M jar yesterday. :) And WHAT accident?!? {hugs!} And a big one for Annabelle. :)
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