Today I couldn't help but think about the amazing women that have filled my life. Two strong and determined grandmothers, one who is still living at the age of 93 and the other who lived to, I believe 89 years of age. Both a bit bull headed, both a bit stubborn, both with strong personalities, both with strong convictions, both raised amazing kids who became my parents. Who both, not so ironically, share many personality traits with their parents. Luckily that jean pool has been a bit diluted through the generations....lucky for me, no bull headedness here!!! Well, maybe there is hope for my girls anyway. Seriously, my Nana and Grangran both contribute, directly and indirectly to the woman and mom I am today. Their unique quirks and all...
I think most of us, at least by the time we are parents, have a great appreciation for our moms. Even if there are things that we do differently. Even if there are hurts or disappointments, we have grown up and now understand that this being a mommy thing is much harder that we originally thought. We come to understand that while they may not have been perfect, they were perfect for us. Because if it weren't for them, we wouldn't be who we are today. I am no different, my mom wasn't perfect...I am not perfect. The truth is, most of us who call ourselves mom are simply trying to do our best. To show love, courage, conviction, to guide, to discipline, to be a positive role model, someone that our kids may one day, want to be like. Trust me, I goof it up regularly. I get grumpy, short tempered, annoyed, and often feel inconvenienced. But the truth is, parenting is usually inconvenient. Truth is, parenting isn't about me, it is about them. It is an honor, a privilege and a huge responsibility, one I don't take lightly.
My mom...Ann, well she is a great mom. Perfect, again no, but absolutely perfect for me. She has modeled what courage and character are. No parent should ever have to bury a child, I saw my mom do just that. I have often reflected on the fact that as hard as it was for me to lose my sister, it was harder yet watching my mom and dad lose a daughter. But through the heart break, the sadness and the gut-wrenching sorrow, my mom was a pillar. A constant inspiration of faith in the face of tragedy. She has faced more than her fair share of heartache and hardship, yet she has never wavered in her faith. She modeled commitment, compassion and conviction. For that, I am grateful. But not just for that, she has given sacrificially and loved unconditionally. Thanks Mommy!
Bobbi Sue...my big sister! Who in 1995 died after a short but courageous battle with Leukemia. Bobbi, I have always look up to her. She was hell on wheels as a teenager. You name it, she did it. I was the shy, quiet (I know, those of you who know me now could never imagine), fearful little sister. I was constantly amazed at her outgoing personality. To me it seemed everyone knew Bobbi, everyone loved Bobbi. She was brave, even before she got sick...it always seemed nothing scared her. To me, she was the most beautiful girl around. We were 4 years apart in age and I really was the "little sister." We couldn't walk anywhere without her getting at least one whistle from some random guy passing by. It annoyed me really, now it makes me smile just remembering. My friends would come over and it seemed they were constantly saying "wow, your sister is so pretty." And she was pretty, gorgeous really. Her features were the opposite of mine, she had big brown eyes, olive skin. Her hair was darker and she could actually get a tan. Ironically, as adults we were the same size yet she always appeared taller and thinner than me. She had legs, not my little stubby things. But what I really remember my sister for is the wife and mom that she was. She loved her family, loved being a wife, loved being a mom. She was so very proud of her family and poured every bit of her being into them. Two boys, Tony and Jeff and one little girl, Ginna. All of whom she would have given everything for...she did just that really. She fought, she fought hard, with great courage, great conviction and great character. Tony, Jeff and Ginna, if you know nothing else...know you were loved, you were wanted and you were your moms whole world.
I had the privilege of living with Bobbi and her husband Bob and the kids for about a year. Looking back, that year was THE year of the greatest character growth in my life. I got to participate in a functioning, while not perfect, family. I got to see the give and take, the sacrifice and the compromise that it takes to make a family work and succeed. I learned some things not to do, but even more I learned a lot of thing TO do. I got to be with my sister and her kids, they were so cute....what happened to you guys? You are all grown up, two of you with kids of your own. Each of you with your own special gifts, each of you with your own little stamp from your mom. Wow...what a blessing!
I consider myself blessed, there have been many, many ladies in my life who have poured into me. Who have modeled what it means to be a wife and a mom. Some of you consistently over the years, some of you have just entered my life in the past few months. My hope is that I can offer to other ladies, what each of you has offered to me. That I could be a role model, someone that can be trusted. That I might be there for others the way so many have been there for me. That my experiences, my struggles, my victories could be used to inspire and encourage others. Ultimately, I pray that my experiences, my struggles and my victories will inspire my girls. Show them what the possibilities are, show them that they are courageous, they are strong and that they do have a God who loves them even more than there Mom could ever love them.
What a privilege, what an honor, what a responsibility it is, this Mommy thing. And how blessed am I!
I love Mothers Day, not because it is about me, the opposite really. It makes me realize how blessed I am. Even more so this year. I am so blessed to have all these girls, each one of them and their unique personalities. The girls went shopping together, they had to get a charm for my bracelet that would include Daria's birth stone, now it is complete! They gave me sweet cards and Daria was the first to hand me a card and wish me a happy mothers day. She still won't call me mom, or anything else for that matter, but the sentiment was there. It was cute, it was sweet. We ended the day with a nice little family walk around the lake. This doesn't happen often, I will take it when I can get it. We skipped rocks, played at the play ground and even spotted a huge owl in a tree. Just look at an owl if you ever wonder about God, his creativity, his sense of humor. The owl is kind of a freaky creature, beautiful but freaky.
Today I decided that we should go out to lunch. I haven't had any mexican food in months...literally. I knew this would be a stretch for Daria, especially given her "sour cream" tacos of a few weeks ago. But it was what I really wanted, I figured if worse came to worse she could eat a cheese quesadilla. Luckily, they had hamburgers. She still likes the American hamburger...as long as we can get lots, and I do mean lots of mayo for her french fries. My burrito, well it was a steak burrito stuffed with a cheese enchilada, it was spicy, it was yummy and it was worth every single calorie. Tonight, Emma made crepes...yum!
We have tried to call her Grandma a few times and have not ever gotten an answer. So today before church we tried again. This time the phone rang several times and then, an answer. However, it wasn't the answer we were hoping for. Her mom answered, then her mom shared the news that grandma had passed away...I could hardly believe it. Really, if only she could have talked to her once. It left me feeling heartbroken. Wondering if grandma died of a broken heart, did she know that Daria had made it here safe? Did she know that she was ok, that she was loved, that she was cared for? We saw our first hint of emotion, a hint of a tear, a hint of sadness. All I could do was hug her, tell her how much her grandma loved her and that I am here for her. She hugged me back and just looked into my eyes. I so wish I could have understood what her mom said to her, how she broke the news. I do know that it seemed matter-of-fact. It was a short conversation.
Grandma died on May 5, just one day after Jamie's dad. Really with the time difference, it might have been at nearly the same time. Interesting really, I told you all how Daria comforted Jamie when she heard the news of his dad. All day long, I kept going back to that final goodbye. I knew at that moment that this little grandma would never see her grand-daughter again. I had no idea that her death would come so soon. The image of her waving out the window will never leave my mind, it is forever imprinted. I am so very grateful that we went and said goodbye. It was obvious that this frail little lady loved her grand-daughter. 
Now...on the lighter side! Saturday was the Run for Orphans 5k in Loveland. Jamie and I took the two little girls out bright and early in the morning. My plan was to walk the race, but somehow I got bunched up with the runners at the start. When the gun sounded, everyone around my started running...what was I gonna do, walk? So I figured I could at least start at a nice light jog. Before long I realized that a good stretch of the course was down hill. Anybody can run downhill right. So I figured I would just jog as long as I could and surely by then others around me would start to walk...not so much. They all kept running, I didn't want to feel like a loser so I kept running too. Good news, while I did have to walk a short distance (you should always know that if a race starts downhill...it ends uphill) I did run 99% of the course. The bad news, today I am SO, SO, SO sore. In fact, I have gotten more sore as the day has gone on, despite going for a good walk tonight in an attempt to "keep things loose." Jamie was the first family finisher, followed by Lily who ran her second 5k in 7 days and finished super strong and never walked a single step. Then came me at 32:55, not bad for my first EVER 5k and with no training. Daria stole the show though, she stole the Ukraine flag from our friend Chris Green at about the one mile mark and never let go. She and Chris finished together, he painted as a flag, Daria caring her homeland flag proudly. It was a bit of Degnan initiation so to speak, there was a kids fun run...but of course we wouldn't let the girls run that, they had to do the 5k...go big or go home right? They did great and made us super proud. Me, I am a little worried as to if I will be able to get out of bed tomorrow.
Daria will be the first to tell you that she doesn't like the long runs, but put her in a 200 or 400 meter run and watch out. She finished 2nd in the Ivy Stockwell field day 400m on Friday. She would have finished 1st but kinda took the corners a bit wide and got passed. She is a speedy little thing on the sprints. She had a blast at her first field day, despite the cold and rainy weather. It was pretty cool to watch her take it all in and jump right in, basketball, hoola-hoops, mush ball (a version of softball), hurdles, balloon toss and an obstacle course. American fun at its finest.
The two weeks ahead are already full of end of year activities. Emma will be competing in the State Championship track meet. She and the other Berthoud girls are defending state champions. Jamie and I will be sharing part of our story of the past 3 months at church. Annabelle is working hard to finish up all of her final projects of her middle school career and getting ready for her 8th grade formal and POL presentation. Lily has more softball games, and is getting ready pitch. Daria is just soaking it all in. We have several friends who have kids graduating on the 26th. We have end of the year and graduation parties. My mom comes home this week and will get to meet the newest member of the family.
What I am relishing in right now is the fact that I am present. Having 4 kids, it is impossible to make it to every activity, every function. But what is real, what I do love beyond words is that I have made it to almost everything. I have taken lunch to Annabelle, made it to field trips and field days. Seen track meets and softball games, dropped kids off at birthday parties and even picked them up. I have shopped with them, eaten with them, laughed with them and even been the butt of a few of their jokes and I don't even mind.
Tomorrow, laundry, lots and lots of laundry....Oh, a mothers day!
Happy Mother's Day, friend!!!
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